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Is this 'normal' or does he need help???

(12 Posts)
imogengladheart Mon 02-Nov-09 21:17:22

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mummysaurus Mon 02-Nov-09 21:27:20

I think it is very difficult to tell what is the environment and what is him. It certainly sounds like he and you are understandably very anxious people at the moment.

He sounds lovely btw and very bright but also a little immature.
You are doing the right thing by trying to create a safe environment for them. Can you contact CAHMs for help and advice - they might be able to suggest ways of building his confidence and social skills.

Once you've moved maybe you will feel able to be a bit more social. Do you have any friends/acquaintances with children - maybe he'd feel happier starting playing with those younger or older than him?

imogengladheart Mon 02-Nov-09 21:30:59

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imogengladheart Mon 02-Nov-09 21:33:36

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mummysaurus Mon 02-Nov-09 21:53:54

sorry I meant camhs blush

its child and adolescent mental health service. my friend used it for her child who had separation anxiety. her son does have mild aspergers syndrome - bright, doing well at school but finds it hard socially. he gets on very well with her adult friends who think he's great.

Google camhs plus your local authority or talk to your gp about a referral. In fact talk to your gp anyway they might be able to help.

It is possible that your son is not "normal" and has some special needs but equally maybe he is "just" affected by his upbringing. Either way it sounds like he needs some help.

anonandlikeit Mon 02-Nov-09 22:48:50

Hi Imogen
I think if you have concerns & it sounds as if you are a little worried then you need to get them checked out.

You can talk to the GP & ask for an assessment either by CAHMS (as already suggested) or a developmental paediatrician. I varies from area to area, but certainly here a develomental Paed assessment would be the best route to go down for a full assessment of yourboys needs & behaviours.

Do the school have any concerns & ask them to be honest with you! Very Subdued & super good doesn't always mean he isn't struggling. How does he react if things don't go according to plan at school?

Don't be hard on yourself. You are doing the right thing by recognising that he is struggling & looking for help.

imogengladheart Tue 03-Nov-09 07:51:07

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linglette Tue 03-Nov-09 09:09:10

It does sound quite possible that his senses are working a bit differently. You are wise to recognise that even if this is the case, there's a constant interplay with the impact of what's happening in his surroundings too - so something that started off being a biological difference may show itself more strongly because of emotional things that are going on. GPs tend to be very aware of seeing the bigger family picture and to shy away from "medicalising" a child. A laudable approach but it does mean they tend to miss quite specific problems like sensory problems and difficulty reading body language, and that the school doesn't get any "professionals" backing up the parent when she says the child may need extra help with socialising.

Can you get some books from your library to research this a bit? "The Out of Synch Child" and "More than Words" (published by Hanen) both have good chapters helping parents spot sensory differences. "The Out of Synch Child" is probably cheap enough to buy. There is also a wealth of information on this board. Once you get a bit knowledgable, it becomes easier to know what to say to your GP that will persuade him/her to listen (in my case I learnt that I had to stress that my child didn't understand language rather than just saying he "wasn't talking", for instance).

In the meantime, I'd be tempted to make a working assumption that there is something a bit different going on about the way he processes information/uses his senses and demonstrate understanding and sympathy as you have been doing. But the full picture is of course a combination of these little processing differences and the dad issues and I do think you are so wise to realise this.

You sound like you are keeping a really clear head in very tricky circumstances.

imogengladheart Tue 03-Nov-09 13:17:34

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mumslife Tue 03-Nov-09 14:25:12

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anonandlikeit Tue 03-Nov-09 20:50:17

Also it is very common for a child with sensory problems or Aspergers to hold it together at school, just to let rip when they get home.
Some also thrive on the very structured routine of school.
In real life our families don't function like that, we don't ring a bell for break time, signal when to get the reading book out, etc etc.
Don't be ahrd on yourself, i'm guessin its not your parenting!

mumslife Wed 04-Nov-09 07:40:12

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