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Here I go Again! (soor! One of MrsF's LONG Rambling Waffling Chaotic Posts!!!)

(18 Posts)
TheRealMrsF Wed 15-Jun-05 09:55:15

As you know i moved my boys out of the primary school they were at last April...and all 3 settled in well for the rest of the school year..... then in september Leigh was placed with a teacher that over the months has proven that she has no interest to learn about his difficulties due to Asperger's etc...and no support in place at all during his most diffult times at Lunch play-so result is that he has been bullied.
So had his IEP meeting on monday and a representative of SENSS (parent partnership) attended with me- and she said that his teacher was defensive and believed that leigh was deliberately making noises/spinning things to annoy HER!!!
So the best we got out of the meeting was a tepid agreement that in sept he would 'maybe' get a separate table in class to work at so as to help him concentrate and in her words 'stop annoyign the other children' - and alao a named lunch lady that he can 'tell tales to' the teacher was whimpering on and on about him keeping telling tales....she would not ...and probably could not understand that the reason he tells tales is that he sees everything in 'black and white'...and is like a has to report all he sees...all she kept on about is that 'he's just as bad' as the rest! I gave up discussing this with her as i felt sick...and the SENSS woman had pre-arranged with me that she would listen and not contribute as I had told her how bad the last IEP review was conducted and we decidede to let it go the way the SENCo had planned it...and not try yo direct it our way...then the plan was for me to write a leeter summarising the plans for him to have his own desk- and for the named lunch lady (but stressing that really he needs someone who is with him so that there is no need for him to tell tales etc)- and then the SENSS worker said we would wait for the reply- then book another appt to tweak the that come sept it was all in place.
Then right at the end they said they wanted leigh off of school action plus!

I was furious as when the SENSS woman questioned if he's still get the sepatrate table etc...we were told probably i said basically that they were saying on 1 hand...yes....then 5 mins later tring to backtrack and not set it up....this all happened in a 20 min i refused to agree to this as i said that there was obviously still a need for the autism outreach team to input.

So.....yesterday after leigh (yet again) begged i let him go back to his old school ...where he feels he has friends.....still in touch with a few of i know they do still like him!!!....I rang the 'old' school (the old Head has left now...and she was the main raeson we left!)...but was told that no room for i explained in great detail why i was keen and the head has asked that i go there at 1.30 so that she can show me arround check that i am stilll keen...and to discuss leigh's needs....and there's a chance that she will 'make room' for alex too.

feels odd doing this- as i am relying totally on the fact that leigh feels he will have friends....and because social skills are his main AS problem...i feel that he may be happier. Alex has loads of friends at thiis school too....and at the moment he has a problem with a particular child in his class which has meant that alex cries before school-refuses to get out car etc...and his teacher has not taken him seriously.

My final option is to change them to the school with the Autism unit attached (7 miles away)...which they would be placed in mainsteam classes...but in a school very aware of Aspergers....BUT!!!!! Tom is moving up to secondary this year and i feel that if i'm not careful it will all be too much 'change'. (and that 'autism' school is merging with another in sept- and the Head said that the boys would be at separate sites...and it all just feels too complicated for me to manage.

I feel selfish and awful as i feel that because of how i struggle with changes to routines etc...that i am going for the easyy option which is to get them in at the old school...but at the end of the day...i have do what i can manage...and i have been told by many parents that since the old head left and the new one started that the school is much happier....AND the SENCo is lovely...very into ASD (she once approached me 2 years ago with a pile of books about Asperger's...and offered them to me to borrow!) So i feel that 'at least' if the SENCo is aware of my son's needs...that we are still improving on what we have now....but deep down i wish the autism school was in this town...or that tom was still at primary in sept- then i'd have all 3 at one place

coppertop Wed 15-Jun-05 10:21:28

Leigh makes noises just to annoy the other children and is always telling tales????? And for good measure he should be taken of School Action +???

MrsF - You're not being selfish AT ALL! You're busy trying to juggle the very different needs of 3 children as well as trying to keep your own stress levels down. You deserve some kind of medal IMO. If the old school is the best solution for the family as a whole then there's nothing wrong with you going for that option. The SENCO sounds great too!

MeerkatsUnite Wed 15-Jun-05 12:56:42

Hi MrsF,

What were their reasons for wanting to get Leigh off School Action plus?.

If the school want Leigh off School Action Plus, then what are they going to do with him instead?. They surely cannot leave him without any extra support whatsoever.

Would you consider asking the LEA to have Leigh assessed with a view to him having a Statement?.

Chocol8 Wed 15-Jun-05 13:27:03

MrsF - I had to do a double take when I read that they want him off SA+!!!!! WTF??? This is just ridiculous and just goes to show how little they know about AS.

My ds was on SA+ almost immediately he started school and had help in the classroom pretty much from day 1. The minute that help was withdrawn, his behaviour deteriorated, but still they wouldn't even consider statementing. They just continued to complain about him.

Again, like you the headteacher was instrumental in all this. I ask myself frequently why pupils with SN, indeed all pupils aren't given the help and support they need instead of being branded as a "naughty" child.

I can totally understand what you are saying about what you can cope with - but I think if I were you I would go back to his old school - as you rightly say, the SENCO will be of great help and maybe once Leigh has settled in, it may highlight a need for a statement so he can get the help full time that he needs.

Whatever you decide will be right for you and for your boys. x

TheRealMrsF Wed 15-Jun-05 20:26:23

well....MEERKAT - my theory is that cos they have a unit there with children with what the SENCo considers 'much least your boys can walk and talk' etc...that she compares them to those children. (it's hard for leigh cos he's only just age appropriate for Literacy etc...but he is 4+ years ahead in maths...and his own teacher admited he is fine on his own...Now if you read between the lines...THAT means she is admitting he struggles to intereact. i visited the NEW head at the OLD school and had some pleasant suprises!!!
She is including him into the 'Mentor scheme' they run- this means that after registaration each day he will sit with 'his' mentor and again after lunch...she also said if he needs a workstation that will be set up....AND if he needs more there is much she can try WITHOUT statementing! She even agreed with me that when leigh fidgets and fiddles...that it's wrong to just STOP him (which is what the current school do)...she says she often gives a ball of bluetac to kids who fidget....

She also has a better homework policy and understood leigh is a visual learner- so expecting him to remeber what he is told to do for homework (as the current school does)- and the time/effort that it takes me to 'whittle it out of him' is NOT what homework is about.

She also explaine dthat she will try to get him in the SENCo's she is so ASD aware...BUT if not will personally make sure whoever will be his teacher is 'made ASD aware'.

Also talking of him being able to join yr 6 maths groups...HE WOULD LOVE THAT!!!

The only dissapointmet is that she cannot accept ALex at the moment...they have no places at KS1...but she gave me the forms for him too and said that within a week or 2 she may say he can as there is a family who may be leaving the school.

Alex was very upset- and i fel sad for him as he doesn't understand... but if i waited till there were a place for him...then leigh's place may not be there!

So all in all i felt good- and have been to chat to the head at the current school to explain my decision. He and the teacher i wanted leigh to have are 2 wonderful people- but he admited today that he doesn't like to dictate to teachers their 'style' though 'sympathetic' to my strong felings about the homework setting iof his current teacher...he said he wasn't the sort of head to insist that all classes do the same- he likes the teachers to have 'creative license' that's OK...but if you have autistic kids it's bettre that EVERY class has the same homework that as they progress through the school that they are familiar with what is expected etc

Jayzmummy Wed 15-Jun-05 20:34:29

Mrs F. Can you not appeal to the LEA for a placement for Alex at the school? I'd contact admissions and see what they can do for you. Ive found it amazing that some schools say they havent got spaces but when you contact admissions you discover that they infact have.
Good Luck.

TheRealMrsF Wed 15-Jun-05 20:42:55

would that 'upste' the new school...could/should i pre-warn her taht i am approaching the LEA???
(along the lines of...."I know you are only going by what the LEA have set- so i am asking them dierct if they can consider his being allowed to join in Sept?"

I don't want to rock any boats...

TheRealMrsF Wed 15-Jun-05 20:44:39

CHOCS...your sonis new school aren't statementing him are they...and they are supporting him well?????

TheRealMrsF Wed 15-Jun-05 20:45:48

sorry j' typing is awful!!! My mind races ahead of my fingers!!!

BattyBox Wed 15-Jun-05 21:58:19

Mrs F

don't feel bad. Have you seen any of the old teachers? how did they treat you today?
You know I am thinking of you.
We both know that the head was the biggest problem - why elsewouldIhave quit my job there?

Oh Honey - call round anytime or ring.
I wasn't there for youtoday - sorry

BattyBox Wed 15-Jun-05 21:59:40

Mrs F you are not rocking boats. we have been there together before remember?

TheRealMrsF Wed 15-Jun-05 22:22:50

BATTY- what i liked most about today was that the new head was so 'up to speed' with what we went through before...she knew all about how the leigh's last teacher there had not passed on concerns to me etc...and she made a point of telling me that if Alex did join that he would NOT be with THAT teacher! (i had gone there determined to only mention THAT teacher IF she said he was in her when she took me to meet who he would have it was a relief!)

I met the secratary and the deputy head ...i was greatly 'touched' that Tom's photo with the dep head- was still pinned up in the entrance hall!!!

having visited today i don't feel so much that i am 'going back' but moving forward!

leigh said to me tonight "Thankyou mum for doing this for me"

BattyBox Wed 15-Jun-05 22:51:24

I am pleased for you - I hopeitworks out.

Please say hi to our old friends.

Pleasesay hi to all the nice teachers for me and tell themwhat i am doing and that i love my job.
I hope it all works out. Of course you are not going back - you aregoing forward

BattyBox Wed 15-Jun-05 22:54:13

DH and I drove past the school today and thought of all the happy times we had there

pixiefish Wed 15-Jun-05 23:01:01

so glad that you're managing to get this sorted, very cross the school are being so defensive (and stupid as they obviously don't realise that his SA+ statement means more money for the school

Jayzmummy Thu 16-Jun-05 00:05:38

Sorry Mrs F missed this earlier. DH and I have got the lurgey and my minds not working properly!

Im pretty sure that if you spoke to the head teacher at the new (or should I say old school) and tell her just how impressed you are with the provisons there, that you really feel its the best placement for Alex and because you are desperate to get him settled somewhere that would it be possible for you to go down the appeals route with the LEA to get a placement.She will then tell you what the likelihood is of winning an appeal.

We are trying this ourselves over a placement at the school we really want J to go to. The head at the school wants J there but there are no spaces. Its a bit of a bind but if the school is in your catchment area you have the right to appeal for placement.

Good luck.

Jayzmummy Thu 16-Jun-05 00:07:12

Did that last post make sense????
Im all bunged up, head is full of cr@p and J has decided that tonight there is going to be no early night!!!!!!

TheRealMrsF Thu 16-Jun-05 16:43:21

good idea....i have been given the forms for both will initially attatch a note 'to test the water'...and then maybe phone her mid-week and see whether she has 'found' a maybe if i sate that i am going to appeal...she may 'prefer' to avoid that!!!

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