Advice on Aspergers

[Helloall]

A girl in my daughters class has mild aspergers, only recently diagnosed. They are 6.

I was was wondering if any of any mothers of children with aspergers had any tips on how I could help? How can I support mum and her daughter? I hate the thought that she feels like an outsider at the school gates. I have had them over for playdates but she doesn't want to come any more - gets very distressed.

What would you like your childs class friends to do?

I've suggested a cinema trip - as she likes films I know.

[3cutedarlings]

i would say just let her know you are there for her, as the diagnosis is recent she is likely to still be really upset (i found it to be like a grieving process).

Keep asking them over, ask your daughter to just be a little more patient with her friend and try extra hard to help her friend join in, but give her some space when she needs it.

My DD1 (7 just) has AS btw (smile)

[Marne]

Hi my daughter was diagnosed with AS late last year, she's the same age as your dd's friend (in fact you could be talking about her ).

Anyway, very few people know that dd1 has Aspergers. My daughter never gets asked to over peoples houses so it would be nice to invite the child over. Dd1 has a huge imagination but struggles to play with others unless she can be in charge so your dd may have to be patient with her. Dd1 also struggles to ask people if she can play with them, so maybe your dd could keep an eye out to see when she is on her own and might want someone to play with.

[troutpout]

Stand with her in the playground

pick out really specific lovely things the child does and mention them

arrange to meet in the park

hang around for 10 minutes at pick up time and let them interact in the playground ..give them a snack to eat at the same time

Keep those invites coming...even if she can't come the mum will really apreciate it.

[sickofsocalledexperts]

What a nice person you are! My son has ASD and I love it when people ask him to their kids' parties, even if I can't always take him, or for playdates. Or offer a playdate and then ask if it's easier if you come to their house, which it may well be. Also just someone to chat to , who will listen rather than try and make out it's all ok.

[debs40]

You are very thoughtful as the school experience can be very isolating - for mums!

I would echo the comments you've had so far about keeping the invites flowing and commenting on the nice things.

I also think it's nice when people still speak to my son even though they know he won't always answer but are able to demonstrate that it doesn't matter that he finds it too difficult to respond by what they say and how they encourgae him.

Engaging with him on his own interests always works and it's lovely when people make that effort too.

One of the things that is isolating for me/him sometimes is that school is stressful and drop off/collection can be nightmarish. My son was having a massive end of term sob after school the other day and people were walking past, staring, practically stepping over us. Except one mum, who came over and asked if everything was ok and if she could do anything.

That was nice [hgin]

If after school is too stressful for tea etc, suggest a holiday time get together somewhere with space e.g. the park. But with no pressure, nice and casual, so that mum and child know if they can't face it that day, it's ok to change your mind last minute without letting people down. I always appreciate that too. Getting ds out of the house is not always easy

[Helloall]

Thanks for your advice. I'll keep asking her over - I always invite her to our parties.

[grumpyoldeeyore]

If they don't have family support I would also say offer to babysit for them. We had to wait until my MIL came over then would go for a walk just so we could have a good cry out of hearing of the children. It can be really hard to get through the first year there is so much to take in so offering them a chance to have some time off would be lovely. Also going out with other mums in the evenings, or a coffee morning after dropped off at school, because it can be hard to chat in the playground when you have to keep your eyes fixed on your child and be within arms reach and that leads to you becoming more and more isolated, so being able to talk when the children are not there is helpful too. There are lots of support groups but again it can be hard for people to go if they don't have access to a sitter. My son is pretty good at soft play type places so that can be an option rather than a home playdate.