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complete nightmare at the hospice

(45 Posts)
sarah293 Tue 27-Oct-09 09:18:06

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debs40 Tue 27-Oct-09 09:26:14

Oh Riven, you poor thing, that sounds horrendous and very distressing.

I hope you manage to get some sleep today. I hope it gets a little easier x

Oh dear riven, was hoping it would be lovely for you, so sorry she is not happy.
Will you go back to try and get her used to it so you can have a break once ina while?
Much sympathy thoughsad

glittery Tue 27-Oct-09 09:39:55

bugger! altho i think you thought this might happen eh? maybe try what Jack suggested and go back during the day for a visit a few times to get her used to it?

sarah293 Tue 27-Oct-09 16:31:49

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Psychotrace2 Tue 27-Oct-09 18:36:23

oh riven so sorry i was hoping dd would settle so you could get some rest!

sarah293 Tue 27-Oct-09 18:37:58

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troutpout Tue 27-Oct-09 19:14:02

oh that sounds so hard riven
did they make you feel like you had to leave?

sarah293 Tue 27-Oct-09 19:34:28

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sarah293 Tue 27-Oct-09 19:35:31

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daisy5678 Tue 27-Oct-09 20:32:35

Sorry it was so difficult. I guess it's like with every child, little by little it will get easier, but presented with change, lots of children do freak out. I'm sure that, after a few more visits, it will become less stressful for you both. Perhaps try and do weekly visits, even if just for half an hour, so that she gets used to it. I would certainly need to do that with J if taking him somewhere new and then gradually build up to a whole day/ night or whatever. Good luck.

meltedmarsbars Tue 27-Oct-09 21:27:23

So sorry it was such a stressful time. I'm sure the hospice staff will be also racking their brains trying to think of ways to help you both.
Can you try the suggestions above of going in more frequently so it is not such a strange place?
Is she yelling because she knows she'll get home quicker that way?

I have no idea how to help. My dd2 goes to hospice, but when she has a sedative it does usually work after one (or two) doses. I go home and next day they discreetly don't tell me how bad the night was unless I ask outright. They have plenty of night staff so its not a problem for them if a child doesn't sleep.

thederkinsdame Tue 27-Oct-09 21:39:46

Riven - I'm sorry to hear that - it sounds like a complete nightmare. It must be draining for you if you can't get a break.

Would it be possible for a member of the hospice staff to do a few visits to you, until DD gets used to them? Apologies if my advcie is crap, but I don't really know much about your situation. Could you take DD's own bedding? I find it really helps with my DS (ASD) as he is terrible at settling when we go away.

Don't give up - keep trying.

sarah293 Wed 28-Oct-09 07:59:25

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FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities Wed 28-Oct-09 08:17:56

Sorry it wasn't as you had hoped. sad

sarah293 Wed 28-Oct-09 08:20:02

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FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities Wed 28-Oct-09 08:24:20

of course you don't. <hugs>

sarah293 Wed 28-Oct-09 08:33:52

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wannaBe Wed 28-Oct-09 08:47:27

riven, am sorry things were stressful.

I know this is hard but, do you have to stay at the hospice? I know that you stay as in parents are given accommodation while their children are staying, but isn't part of the idea of hospice care to give the parents a break, so you can have one if that's what you want?

I realize that it's not easy to walk away from a screaming child, but if you can do this in a controled environment where you know that dd is safe, it's something that IMO you should try to do at least.

The hospice staff will have seen it all before.

But this is about your own wellbeing as well as your dd's. And even the most tolerant person can't be expected to have to listen to their child screaming like that on a constant basis, everyone has their breaking point at which they have to walk away, even if that's only for five minutes to compose/get a cup of tea/listen to the quiet.

sarah293 Wed 28-Oct-09 08:51:18

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5inthetomb Wed 28-Oct-09 08:59:40

So sorry the hospice visit didn't go as planned Riven sad

I know you've mentioned the posibility of your DD possibly having an ASD, and maybe that is why she was yelling? I know this will be of little comfort but DS2 can be really bad when he is in a new place, and only stops when we leave, but might continue on and off for a few days afterwards.

2shoescreepingthroughblood Wed 28-Oct-09 09:21:17

It is hard to leave them. dd was about that age when she started respite and she hated it, but I knew I had to have the break, to be a better mum iynwim.
they do play us, your dd is very bright and will know if she kicks of mum will come running, no different to a NT child really.
could you just leave her for short times, go out for a while even if she is screaming and make the gaps bigger.
dd started with staying to tea and then longer.

sarah293 Wed 28-Oct-09 09:29:44

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2shoescreepingthroughblood Wed 28-Oct-09 09:34:14

but you would, in the end you would say no to a nt child........but I know it isn't the same for your dd.
shame about the toys, dd is the same no interest in multi sensory, me thinks she thinks it is for babies, prefers to be taken for walks or to drive arround.
<<nosey emotion>>(we need one of them) do you give her something to make her sleep?
do remember the staff are paid.
dd plays up at respite(they are so soft on her!!) and will stay awake for hours. but I never feel guilty as it is their job.

sarah293 Wed 28-Oct-09 09:47:21

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