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Sooo much guilt over having another baby :(

(9 Posts)
FlameHasAnotherChick Fri 23-Oct-09 18:23:33

The last 9 months have been a nightmare for the DC with me either throwing up or seriously depressed.

The baby is now here, I am sane (well, newborn sane iyswim), but DD is a mess

She says she doesn't want to come home (Went to my mum's to stay whilst I gave birth and what was meant to be a couple of nights... that was Sunday and she is being forced home tonight after tea).

She loves DD2, is so excited, but you can see she is just all over the place and can't face the change at home

I can't fix this. She was young enough last time to just stop dealing with me for a good 6 weeks (Daddy had to do bedtimes etc), but now she is old enough to sit and cry about coming home and I just feel so cruel. She won't believe anything I say reassurance-wise. I was meant to fix the DS for her before she came home (I hadn't told her i would thankfully) but feeding issues has meant I haven't been able to - I was hoping it could be her escape zone.

Just feel like I wrecked her life atm.

HelensMelons Fri 23-Oct-09 19:36:34

First of all congratulations on your new dd2!

It is a difficult time when a new dc is brought home and it is a big adjustment but it is a temporary adjustment and then it eventually becomes the norm.

DD will settle down but if she is like my lot she'll let you know how she's feeling. It did pass though and they all get on fine (normal rows,etc.)

Don't feel like a bad mummy, you are doing your best x

lou031205 Fri 23-Oct-09 19:37:26

Flame, it will only be a change for a little while, then it will be her 'normal'. She will adapt but it will take her longer than some other children. Don't be guilty. Life does change, no matter what you do.

maryz Fri 23-Oct-09 19:51:22

Congratulations on your new baby - things will settle down, even if it doesn't seem so now. I sometimes feel very guilty about having two children younger than ds1 - if I didn't have them I could have spent more time/helped more etc. However having them has taught him things that he couldn't possibly have learned by being in a one-child family. I have come to the conclusion (15 years later) that the best preparation for life for a child with SN is having siblings to teach them, either by example or by competition, all about real life.

FlameHasAnotherChick Fri 23-Oct-09 19:57:59

she's in her room sobbing and yelling about not wanting to be here, not wanting to go to bed.

I know from experience that nothing I do or say will stop her until she has come to the end.

I hate this

lou031205 Fri 23-Oct-09 20:10:47

sad You need to just ride it out.

FlameHasAnotherChick Fri 23-Oct-09 20:39:47

nearly an hour in and she's still going strong

FlameHasAnotherChick Fri 23-Oct-09 21:09:02

Finally stopped.

Thank you for talking sense about it all settling. She has been so excited about getting a sister, spent the last month telling everyone that mummy could have a baby any minute.

This parenting thing is all so hard

lou031205 Fri 23-Oct-09 21:25:27

Glad she's calmed. You mustn't blame yourself for normal life. You're doing great!

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