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How to proceed? So desperate for help!

(5 Posts)
TanyaBranning Tue 20-Oct-09 23:24:19

I have posted on the SEN forum previously, so apologies for repeating myself.

In a nutshell, DS has just started reception and is struggling with social situations / playtime etc, and aggressive behaviour when he is under stress.

History of events so far:

Problems first identified aged 3 yrs old at nursery - persistent biting/hitting/aggressive behaviour.

Since Jan 2009 we have had regular-ish meetings with nursery over his behaviour. The school Inclusion Manager (SENCo) is across the situation. DS is on School Action Plus, has an IEP and now has a learning mentor working with him one-to-one two days a week in class (this will increase to 3 days after half term).

Since March 2009, when we got a GP referral, he has been 'in the system'. He has been seen by the Community Paed and has a review in a few weeks time. He has been seen by CAHMS and they observed him at school last week - still awaiting their report. We have had no 'diagnosis', although there have been hints from the school that point us in the direction of Asperger's.

Since he started reception last month we have been called into the school roughly twice a week following an incident where he has hit/bitten/attacked another child. He is well behaved in supervised settings - during structured, adult supervised activities, at story time etc - but cannot seem to cope in the playground or at lunchtime when he is in a group and isn't being watched at all times. He struggles badly with knowing how to behave appropriately with his 'friends' and is jealous, possessive, invades other children's personal space, snatches things etc.

We have had a meeting with his teacher and the Inclusion Manager scheduled in for Friday since last week. This was at my request, as I am concerned that although the school are supportive, they are dealing with this ion the wrong way - ie. sending him to the headteacher for a bollocking. I am not defending his behaviour _ i am extremely worried and upset by his aggression - but I genuinely don't think he is able to control it sad and needs help.
Today - once again - I have been asked to come in to the school tomorrow morning to discuss an incident where DS headbutted another child today sad. I have taken time off work to attend these meetings and have a half day booked off for this Friday meeting. DH is away on business. I cannot go in to the school again this week (other than Friday). I just can't keep taking the piss wioth work. I am at my wit's end sad

I need to get my head together for this Friday meeting and decide what I am going to say, what I am asking for, how to proceed? We can't keep going on like this. It's not working sad

catkinq Tue 20-Oct-09 23:35:27

you could try going in with "how are you (the school) going to deal with this". If they admit that they cannot deal with your little boy then they should be supportive of your applying for a statement with full 1-1 in it. Have they got the ed psyc involved?

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 21-Oct-09 07:14:50


I would agree with catkinq's comments. I'd also be wondering if as yet the Ed Pysch has been called in to assess your DS in class.

I'd also be looking at now applying personally for a Statement. You have far more rights than school does in that regard. School Action Plus can actually offer limited support longer term and its not legally binding either (unlike a Statement).

IPSEA has a good website on Statementing and there are model letters on there you can use:-

likeacuppa Wed 21-Oct-09 09:42:39

This sounds so like my ds1 (dx AS). Agree with Catking that school need to take responsibility for managing his behaviour. You could ask 'what strategies have you in place for supporting a child who has social and communication difficulties in the playground?'. If the incidents are in playtime/lunchtime the school need to have a plan re giving him extra support then. Also you could ask is there anywhere he can go to feel safe in playtimes, could he stay inside (would this work for him?), could they designate somewhere as a chill-out area where he could go when it all gets too much?

TanyaBranning Wed 21-Oct-09 16:19:43

Thanks so much for all suggestions and insights.

I'll look at that website Atilla - looks good.

The problem is that the school just seem to constantly come back (in the nicest possible way) with 'he's very young...he may grow out of it...we're working on x, y and z strategies with him' etc. I really do think there is a problem, however. maybe I just need to be firmer.

I'm not sure about the Ed Psych. I'm very confused about who he has and hasnt seen. He has seen a Psychotherapist (I think?) at CAHMS (dreadful experience) and a child psychologist from CAMHS observed him last week. Communication from CAMHS and the Community Paed is very poor. They don't seem to think it's appropriate to let me know when they are coming or when to expect a next appt etc, and the Comm Paed got really shirty when I actually asked her what her title is!? It's all very frustrating...

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