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Something ash happened to ds3.

(19 Posts)
PeachyTentativelyPosting Sun 04-Oct-09 22:46:54

They said it would happen, it has.

At ds3's school review they mentioned hyperactivity- DH and I were a bit surprised as at home he putrely seems to operate on a level of opbsession - stim, but as ds2 is being considered for ADD and Dyspraxia, and ds1 is ds1, e thought- Oh OK.

So these last six weeks have been awful.

Gione is his gentle stillness, in its place is a hyperactive obsessive who is constantly running and jumping over everything.

last night we took him to the carnival, as per every other week at this time of year all his life- but maybe not any more. He escaped 4 times from the hotel we changed at, spent the entire time scaling furniture and under tables whilst DH or I chased him, threw part of his costume away (we're still awaiting fallout from that- thankfully DH was with him not me!) and TBH its just too hard.

It started when we started the uite successful sleep trainning with CAMHs.

How long do we let this go on before we seek help? We're duree to see the PAed to be signed off in December but will refuse if things are still deteriorating. But with ds1 mnelting down daily again, it has got to the point that without some respite or something we are struggling- DH and I have been fighting (we never fight, ever) and yet apaprently the SSD waiting list we are on won't even see us until next summer as they expect to just offer us holiday club; I spent the night before last sat up crying and it's incredinbly ahrd for ds2 as well.

Someone once said to me the passivity would end at 6; theyw ere right.

Shells Sun 04-Oct-09 22:55:56

Poor you Peachy. It sounds very very hard. Hopefully someone will have some good practical advice for you. In the meantime - take care.

sphil Sun 04-Oct-09 23:13:36

What did you have to do with the sleep training Peachy? And how long ago was it?

DS2 (who is, as you know, also quite passive) had a real regression at the beginning of term which lasted about two weeks. He just went right back into himself, lost eye contact. just wanted to run up and down without engaging. Gradually he;s been coming out of it and I would say is now almost himself again. Either it was the beginning of term - new class/room/TAs/teacher/building - or the fact that we were trialing the introduction of egg into his diet (he was also very itchy and snotty).

What I'm trying to say is that it might be temporary and have an underlying cause... but I'm sure you've thought of all that. Poor you - you sound very down sad

daisy5678 Sun 04-Oct-09 23:28:58

Oh peachy sad it is very hard and I know where you're coming from - the hyperactivity was what made J so unteachable and hard to manage at home too. The Straterra meds help a bit but it's also about how stressed and over-stimulated he is. Carnivals etc. used to hype him right up.

Social Services need a big push from everyone you can get involved - ds1's school, MP, paed etc. to make them give you some respite for everyone's sake. They need to know that the family is at risk of breakdown and that you and the kids are at risk of harm (from the meltdowns), which is the ultimate worse case scenario I know, but they need to know you're serious and that the situation is too.

Hopefully the situation has come about because of start of term stress and will ease. But they need to support you in the meantime.

Sorry things are crap and will be thinking of you. x

Phoenix4725 Mon 05-Oct-09 04:10:32

Peachy i sorry things are tough.Can no magine how tired you and your hubby must be.

busybeingmum Mon 05-Oct-09 07:28:49

Message withdrawn

troutpout Mon 05-Oct-09 07:51:35

Peachy..Have nothing to add of practical help but just wanted to say that i hope things pick up for you soon.

sarah293 Mon 05-Oct-09 08:23:47

Message withdrawn

PeachyTentativelyPosting Mon 05-Oct-09 09:14:54

I have just had my seventh night of 3 hours sleep, some twat has aprked thier car so close to my front door that I had to abandon the buggy on the main road and I don't think I dcan do this any more. Last night ds1 kicked a hole in ds2's bed, and totally trashed three rooms. Because we put our foot down and said he can't have a ds1 because he tried to strangle ds2 in IKEA.He'salso been after a memeory stick and today we find that ours, which holds all our baby pictures as we get repeated viruses on our OPC< has vanished. I've ahd enough but ds1 doesn't qualify for respite as he doesn't fit their definition of disabled, and ds3 is on a waiting list butat ds1's assessment th w lookedat him and said he's obviously not asd. I give up.

AboardtheAxiom Mon 05-Oct-09 09:26:44

Oh peachy sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it. It is crap that when you are so exhausted and emotionally drained, you have to fight tooth and nail for help, it really is really CRAP. I know it doesn't help you, me saying that, but it is true, and we all feel this despair from time to time, it's unavoidable. I would be dramatic and stubborn as Riven suggests, also get local counsilor/MP involved, any teachers, peadiatricians, anyone who can help. Even if it is a neighbour, relative or friend writing you a letter of support detailing how difficult your family situation is becoming and that they fear what may happen without some support in place. Lay it on thick. Wish I could send you some get up and go but is running low here too. {{{}}}

The buggy/car on road situation sounds crap, is it the same person parking there??

PeachyTentativelyPosting Mon 05-Oct-09 09:33:00

We don't have helpful neighbours, my last old friend gave up as I am never able to go out and ds1 has no professional involvement any more. There is school but they have referred us toe very agency going to no avail- I think once you get a tick saying will not ahrm child theb SSD lose interest.

Last time I begged for help as I was 7 months PG with no childcare for labour, somehow I dontt hink they willcare now!

Car belongs to soem suited bloke I saw wander off, he wasnt outside the hosue but am certain nasty neighbour has asked him to move up so she can park there. She thinks its funny, the other day she parked up behind us just after I loaded the boys in and didnt shift- I was swearing profusely in my head then realised due to no sleep I was in fact swearing profusely out loud so don't think she will be any mroe helpful in future blush

sarah293 Mon 05-Oct-09 11:04:06

Message withdrawn

staryeyed Mon 05-Oct-09 11:33:15

Ds is only 4.5 but we just went through the most awful summer with him. Barely any sleep constant melt downs -even when we took him to do something he enjoyed. We couldn't take him anywhere he was constantly anxious. I felt so lost like a complete prisoner and just thought to myself "this is it isn't it- this is how my life will be from now on" I've posted on here many times feeling hopeless

One week before he started at his new school something changed in him he went back to his old character- loving, quirky, cheeky and the melt downs have all but stopped. The sleep is still bad though. Not only did he start full time new school (reception)really well and go on school bus, we took him swimming and horse riding (Was previously absolutely terrified of animals and water) not only did he do both (bit apprehensive at first) but he also really enjoyed it. He also put hard shoes on no fuss and wellies for riding as well as, which we went and got fitted at the shoe shop with no fuss. I truly believed that DS had changed because his behaviour had been so bad for so long but he is now himself again. . So what I'm saying is it may not be forever.

cyberseraphim Mon 05-Oct-09 11:39:34

I agree - DS1 has calmed down a lot recently for no specific reason that I can think of though again it may be school ? There is nothing set or fixed about ASD behaviour, it's not inevitable that a child will be hyperactive or not hyperactive at any age. Maybe the sleep training has had an effect ?

saintlydamemrsturnip Mon 05-Oct-09 11:50:58

It may be age.

DS1 went from very passive 2/3 year old that I could take anywhere (including out for meals- dear god) to pretty feral by the time he was 5. He worked out he had choices and became much more curious about the world around him (so wants to explore).

Much better now he's 10, but it's just been years of teaching waiting and sitting etc and not trying things that are too much for him. So we just don't go to places where some form of reasonable behaviour is essential (or if we do we take help and have or have an escape route planned).

It might be temporary, or it might be something similar to the changes we saw in ds1. In some ways they've been a good thing in that they have accompanied development, and he is far more able than he was when he was v. v. passive, but they are certainly difficult to deal with.

Decent education and support from social services have been the key for us.

magso Mon 05-Oct-09 12:07:53

Oh Peachy I am sorry!
I think SS need something to trigger them to worry. It sounds to me like you are exhausted and as the main carer for your family they should be concerned! ( they know you will do all in your power to care well for your children - but what if you get so worn down you get ill?---Is there someone (GP, paed camhs )that could write and add weight to a request for urgent support? Sometimes they seem to ignore parents and they listen to a 'professional'. Hope things ease up.

Litchick Mon 05-Oct-09 12:31:06

Hope you don't mind me sticking my nose in, but we foster and one of our youngsters comes to us one weekend in four to give his parents a break.
His Mum has told me that she had to really lay it on thickly for SS and 'insist' on respite. While ever you appear to cope they will not help ( cash of course).
I know that this has been a real life line to his family and we love having him.

PeachyTentativelyPosting Mon 05-Oct-09 12:33:22

Paed ahs written and received the same letter as us about waiting list- in fact they ignored us, just wrote to her and Paed then copied us in. Am seeing CAMHs about ds3 next week though so may beg them for help- I broke down in ters last time so think she has realised, and she seems very nice.

I found the old assessment earlier when I was clearing stuff looking for the memory stick. It's all a lot of rubbish- nothing school told hem equates with reality, and there's just crap in most boxes that makes it plain that they equate me with nice MC (i'm not) Mum..... the section on ds1's behaviour makes comments about how its for attention from DH but it really is not, it has got worse now DH is around more.

I will ask CAMHs though- they ignored the wholeASSD bit in ds3's notes and just put he ahs minor SALT issues! maybe now he is in SNU they will take it for real? Will ask his school to back us up also. She was trying to p[ersaude me to go for HR care for ds3 (glad I didnt as ho now sleeps well enough not to qualify) so clearly sees it.

Riven I will chat to DH to se what his timetable is oN Wednesday and get back to you, the offer in itself is worth loads though, thank you.

Seuss Mon 05-Oct-09 12:36:11

Sorry you are having a tough time. I've nothing really useful to add but know that my ds had a wild stage at about 5/6 and he came out the other side. If you have a good relationship with school/GP I'd ask them to write to SS on your behalf and generally bombard them, perhaps next time you and your DH start to argue ring SS instead and take it out on them! Sorry not very helpful but it pisses me off that people don't get the help they so obviously need and then when parents snap everyone's suddenly concerned about what should have been done to help them. Hope you can get some help, take care.

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