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Getting upset over another child with autism...

(18 Posts)
mysonben Sat 03-Oct-09 00:36:12

I'm being silly and overly sensitive over this.
I know it, but can't stop feeling sad...

DS1 is 16, NT, he started college a few weeks ago, and in 2 of his classes there is a boy who has autism, probably HFA although i'm not sure.
Ds1 talks quite a bit about him, "C does this! C said that!..."
Ds1 has some understanding about autism (his little brother ,4, has mild asd.) and he is cool with C.

Many of the students and teachers know C has autism. Yet DS1 tells me that a lot of them are fed up with having C in class with them hmm
They don't understand why he acts oddly at times, talks "a bit weird" sometimes, some of them laugh behind his back when he scratches the side of his pen and rocks a bit on his chair,... others especially girls don't like him looking/staring at them,...
Everytime DS1 says "C dis this or that, and such and such didn't like it" my heart sinks.

Apparently the drama teacher is getting annoyed because C is no good at drama and will lower the team score in the final performance at the end of the year.
I told DS1 maybe C took a drama class to help with his own personal skills, iyswim?

I feel sad, sometimes annoyed , sorry for this lad, why can't there be more understanding and patience around in this society. sad
I suspect my reaction has also something to do with the fact that i think maybe one day it will be DS2 who is mocked and misunderstood.

Sorry a long ramble!

defineme Sat 03-Oct-09 00:51:29

I know what you mean - hearing about anything mildly shitty happening to children/adults with as upsets me and I know it hurts dh.
My mate tells me about a kid in her class and though she's great I don't want to hear about when he's upset or his parents are crap or the other kids laughing.
Way to close to the bone isn't it.
The only thing that makes me feel better is talking to other mums at school with sn kids and also thinking well if needs be he can bloody stay at home for ever and I'll protect him!

mysonben Sat 03-Oct-09 00:58:47

Yes, will do the same for DS i like to think i 'll be able to always protect him and if people ever get nasty, i will put my boxing gloves on !!! wink

I just wish everyone could stop and think for a moment, and be nice and accepting of kids and adults with SN. An ideal world...

elmosworld Sat 03-Oct-09 01:20:12

sad <<hugs>>

I know what you mean, I get emotional watching things on TV where kids are misunderstood, or films where children get bullied for being a little odd. I don't understand it, I would never have picked at or picked on anyone else...

Do you find yourself over analysing people on the TV though too? Like - Oh Mr Bean, is he autistic? hmm then thinking "poor Mr Bean getting laughed at." - Even though it's not actually real!

LOL, that is probably just my craziness though lol. wink

Goblinchild Sat 03-Oct-09 06:39:57

elmosworld, I think that House has AS. grin

Mysonben, it is worrying and stressful, but I've always made it a bit of a mission to enlighten and educate the people G comes into contact with as to what we can change and what is hard-wiring. I do a lot of non-threatening talking, emailing and notes in planners. It's made a difference with a lot of the teachers who were keen but uninformed.
Then when he was a near-model student for them, peer pressure kicked in as the teachers who were doing well got a bit puzzled and smug with those who were having problems with meltdownsand violence. And told them so.
Y7 was very stormy, Y8 was much better, Y9 had two squalls and some breezes.
Y10 is looking like fine weather so far. smile with fingers crossed.
Society will always regard our children as weird and strange, but if they can learn to be tolerant and accepting of difference that's all that I want.

Goblinchild Sat 03-Oct-09 06:47:35

"i like to think i 'll be able to always protect him and if people ever get nasty, i will put my boxing gloves on !!!"

We've always called that Dragonmummy mode.
As in 'Do you need Dragonmummy?'
Then I put on my fangs and claws and off I go.

LovestheChaos Sat 03-Oct-09 07:00:56

Oh god. My DS has ASD. He comes off as very odd to people and he has a lot of funny little ways. But he is smart, kind and sweet. He is okay at the moment in primary school. He has been with the same class of kids for years and they understand him and are extremely protective of him.

He goes to high school in two years and I am TERRIFIED.

Goblinchild Sat 03-Oct-09 07:02:20

Secondary have been much better with G than primary ever were, so wait and see.

debs40 Sat 03-Oct-09 08:59:09

My friends are secondary school teachers and they are fab, fab, fab. They are enlightened and really switched on to this sort of thing and tell me that their colleagues are too.

They would find this appalling and unaccetable. The teacher should not be acting in a way which draws attention to this boy in this way.

So I think, perhaps, it's about finding the right school. Teachers and the school set the tone and can really help create a culture of tolerance if they are committed to these issues.

debs40 Sat 03-Oct-09 09:03:48

Mysonben - how are you getting on with appointments? It sounded like they were pushing yoou around the houses.Have you got an appointment through for a paediatrician yet? It's ridiculous isn't it as you then have to wait for referral to CAMHS after that.

I've been told that the provision here is only informally set up so the multidisciplinary team carves out time out of their own week to see ASD suspected children as there is NO funding. So it could take another 7 months for us to get the ADOS.

I've written to my MP about it!

borderslass Sat 03-Oct-09 09:51:41

my 15 year old son has been at a school for autistics for just over 3 years and the difference is amazing his social skills and communication have improved dramatically he actually took part in the end of school year panto in S1 something he would never of volunteered for at one time.however where we live he doesn't go out as the kids around here treat him like crap he was assaulted at the age of 8: he had his mouth split open with a penknife by a 7 year old.Society needs to change their attitude but I can't see it happening in my lifetime.

PeachyTentativelyPosting Sat 03-Oct-09 10:00:08

I shall show DH the Mr Bean has AS post as DH is the spit of Mr Bean (sadly, not Rowan Atkinson but Mr Bean). grin

DS1 goes to COmp in two years; thre's a Comp now with an AS department but I don't rate our chances as ds1's biggest issues are at home,even if he doesn't get it though we'll be asking for the MS part of the school as the PAed advises that they are great at joining the two parts up together and sharing info. There is a far more local comp (choice is 5 miles away, local 5 minutes!) but whilst I know they have an actually impressive asd dept in development (MS notspecialist), I'm out off by the experiences of a child of a friend.

I also ned to separate ds1 and ds2 as ds2 is really struggling with his sibs, but LEA dont take that into account

borderslass Sat 03-Oct-09 10:03:09

my son has a 60 mile round journey everyday he leaves at 7.15 and gets home at 4.45 its the closest we've got but its worth it for the improvement in him.

mysonben Sat 03-Oct-09 11:49:22

Debs40, thanks for asking smile, yes we have received an appointment through for the 20th of october, for a review with consultant paed. and DS's community paed. will attend too.
The review is for consultant paed to make final decision as to whether or not refer ds to CAMHS i believe.

What a palaver! DS's usual paed. has already discussed DS's case at the City Autism Liaison Meeting last month, and i received a letter saying "we all agree that B presents with autistic features and behaviours,...blah blah"
Grrrrr!!!!! If they all agree why do we have to see yet another paed yet again before being refered????hmm

I know <<<<sighs>>>> it is the consultant who has to do the referal ultimately. But talk about taking the scenic route hey!

Now i'm ranting again, sorry.
Better go and pack the suitcases cause we're off to france to visit parents tomorrow and i haven't prepared a thing yet! shock

mysonben Sat 03-Oct-09 12:01:57

Forgot to add something about the original post, DS1 told me "yes there are some students in the class who mock C behind his back, but there are also many students at college who like him and he has a good network of friends, including a boy who is like a brother to C and nobody would want to mess with him!!!" wink
So that's nice.

PeachyTentativelyPosting Sat 03-Oct-09 12:22:55

Borders ds3 has about 20, the trouble is with ds1 we wouldn't get transport and its a road between two cities which would mean neither I or DH could be anywhere we wuld need to be until at elast 9.30- too late, We are going to try but it could be complicated! DS3 can't go to SN after 11, there are only 12 places in the city reserved for the very most severely disabled kids

Seuss Sat 03-Oct-09 17:43:27

I think we are all in a situation where we know about autism, these are 16 year old kids who probably don't. Obviously the teachers could do more to include C but I doubt the kids really understand the situation and are just mocking through ignorance. I bet if someone explained autism to them most of them would stop. Not saying it's right, but when I was 16 I knew sweet FA about autism and probably wasn't as understanding as I am now.blush

mumslife Sat 03-Oct-09 22:55:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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