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Any experience of 'dark moods' ?

(6 Posts)
sphil Wed 30-Sep-09 22:55:11

DS1(8) has just been diagnosed with dyspraxia. He is generally a very laid back, cheerful boy, amenable, sociable etc. On the way home from school today he told me that he was feeling very happy (since my parents' Golden Wedding party at the weekend) and that this was the first time he'd felt this way in a long time. He said he's been feeling 'as if his life wasn't good enough' since last Christmas. I tried to coax further info out of him but it was all very muddled (he's not great at explaining himself at the best of times). He did mention some bullying at school, and there were a few occasions last year that he told me about, we discussed and I spoke to the teacher about, but he told me were then resolved. I honestly have not seen any signs at all of him being miserable or depressed - but when I said this to him, he said he hides it. The thing is though, he's not at all good at lying or hiding things - so I really do think that I'd have noticed if he had been seriously miserable for that length of time.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? I'm sure he's not lying - but I'm equally sure he's not quite expressing it 'how it is' either. There have been times before when a single event in the past has overwhelmed him - it can have happened ages ago but then it's suddenly there and catastrophic, affecting his whole life. The next day he's right as rain again.

When we stopped the car he asked me not to talk about it again 'as it will just remind me how miserable I was'

What to do?

Marne Thu 01-Oct-09 12:59:26

I think sometimes people/children don't realize they are miserable until something good happens (the golden wedding party) and then they realize how happy they feel now compared to in the past.

Its tough but i think all you can do is reassure him that its ok to feel down and that its ok to tell you about it so you can find a way too help her work towards being happy again. Just let him know that you are there for him and he doesn't need to hide his feelings.

sphil Thu 01-Oct-09 23:18:22

Yes, that's more or less what he said Marne -that he hadn't realised he was unhappy until he became very happy. I've talked to him more over the past day or so - I think a lot of it comes from the fact that he misses out on attention because his brother is autistic. We expect quite a lot from DS1 in terms of independence etc. and maybe too much. His life is sometimes quite boring I think - no-one to play with and his parents' attention elsewhere. At the weekend he was surrounded by people and he absolutely loved it. I also think I don't do enough of the 'it's all right to be unhappy' reassurance. I hate so much to think of him being miserable - which is maybe why he hides it sad.

We have some respite hours now - I think we'll use some to take him out on his own. DS2 isn't difficult to take out, which is why we always do things as a family, but I think DS1 needs some undivided attention.

Marne Fri 02-Oct-09 14:04:50

I know what you mean about the attention thing, sometimes i worry dd1 is not getting enough due to her sister having ASD (dd2 is more severe than dd1).

I hope the respite helps smile.

sphil Sat 03-Oct-09 21:51:19

He's talking much more openly about his moods now - I think he worries about strong emotion. He very rarely cries and if he gets angry it's a BIG thing - he has to talk about it, almost justify it to himself. Maybe because he feels strong emotions are overwhelming?

wraith Mon 19-Oct-09 04:16:19

i have myself they usually start with a trigger and end with another,
im adult aspergers

and with me they can last anywhere from months to years getting and can have even darker moments,

its not the kind of thing id talkaboutusually but yea i know what you mean

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