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Is it ok if I post here too??

(24 Posts)
sheepgomeep Wed 08-Jun-05 11:22:47

I've been lurking on this board for a while now and I've been unsure whether or not to post here. My ds who is 5 has been having difficulties in home and school with behaviour, concentration, agression. The school nurse and his teacher think it probably ADHD but some of his systems mirror other problems like Aspergers. He is very obsessional about stuff and will have obsessions about for weeks on end. His favourites are the toy story videos, lamposts and hoovers. I don't think its aspergers to be honest as I've read some other posts on here about aspergers children and although there are some small similarities, there are some big differences too.

Anyway the school nurse has referred ds on to the hospital and I am just waiting for the outcome.

I know a lot of you have more in depth problems than I do so I feel a bit unsure whether or not I should post here. I am on my own with just my two kids and I do find it hard to cope sometimes.

Many thanks

coppertop Wed 08-Jun-05 11:29:01

You don't need to ask for permission to post! All newcomers are more than welcome on here.

I don't know a great deal about ADHD but I know that a lot of the signs seem to overlap with AS so maybe that's why you can see similarities? Hopefully someone will come along and correct me if I'm wrong.

Children on the autistic spectrum (although I'm not saying that your ds necessarily is) can be very different from each other. My 2 sons have a lot of similarities but in other ways they are almost complete opposites: one likes lining things up whereas the other has never bothered with it, one is oblivious to clothes but the other finds it difficult to tolerate them etc.

Welcome to the SN board.

Davros Wed 08-Jun-05 11:53:55

Hello sheepgomeep (great name!). Welcome to SN. Hope things become clearer with the hospital referral. Sorry to hear that you are on your own with the 2 kids, it must be hard. Post away!

Thomcat Wed 08-Jun-05 12:00:49

Absolutley you can post here, you're so very welscome but have no need to ask permission.
Anyways, welcome and fab name

binkie Wed 08-Jun-05 12:12:51

Hi there! Delighted to see you.

I have a 6yo ds much like yours - doesn't-seem-severe-enough-to-be-Aspergers-but-everyone-agrees-there's-definitely-something-so-what-else-could-it-be - so I know how you feel about whether you "belong" in SN! Mine is OK at home, but school is significant problem at the moment - groups seem to send him over the edge. We're having (yet) another assessment later this month and if it produces any sensible strategy ideas I'll share them.

Tiggiwinkle Wed 08-Jun-05 16:26:35

Hello Sheepgomeep! I have a 6 year old DS recently DX with Aspergers. Agree with Coppertop that ASD children are all different-mine does not "tick all the boxes" either, but he has a definite DX. I would not have believed it if I had been told even a year ago that he was autistic, but have now had to accept it.
Welcome to the SN section, by the way!

Chocol8 Wed 08-Jun-05 17:07:35

Welcome Sheepgomeep - heh heh, that made me chortle.

I have a 7yo ds who was dx with AS/ADHD when he was 5 and agree that the behaviours seem to overlap - nowadays I am unsure what is AS and what is ADHD, but all together they equal my lovely ds and that's just him, so....

I am a single parent too and find it difficult enough with one child! MN is my lifeline and it has been VERY useful and i've made loads of virtual friends without whom my life would be harder. x

sheepgomeep Wed 08-Jun-05 22:02:05

Many thanks for your welcomes . I really appreciate it.

I've always had a feeling that my ds wasn't quite right.. just something I could never put my finger on. He reached all his milestones ok but his behaviour would be so strange at times. He could go for weeks being ok then the problems would manifest again but now his teachers have noticed, I'm being taken a bit more seriously. He's a bright, chatty, loving little boy with odd behaviour


Binkie I know what you mean when you say 'doesn't-seem-severe-enough-to-be-Aspergers-but-everyone-agrees-there's-definitely-something-so-what-else-could-it-be -'

Are aspergers children affectionate? Theres so much I don't know about it and adhd for that matter. Sorry if it seems I'm rambling or being silly, I'm just thinking thoughts out loud

cheers

TheRealMrsF Wed 08-Jun-05 22:20:02

Hi!!! WElcome...glad u found us!!!

I have 3 boys ...Alex-6 Leigh-8 and Tom-11

Tom was dx'd with ADHD at 7 and has been takinh METHYLPHENIDATE for that since then. He was then DX'd with Aspergers at 9.

Leigh dx'd with Aspergers at 8

Alex just like Tom way back then! So am pushing for a DX for him.

Mine are all very chatty...though only on their terms about what they want to be chatty about!!!

They are all affectionate....and not withdrawn. However Tom likes his own company- and likes to 'watch people' rather tahn join in 'socially'.He is streets ahead at computing. Also has just landed a leading role in the yr 6 'leavers production' of My fair lady...as he's able to learn his lines so fast...and can immitate accents etc brilliantly.

Leigh is our resident policeman....and hates people 'breaking rules and promises'. He is also a 'rigid Black & White thinker'....likes routines and considered extremely advanced at Maths.

Alex seems to be the one who takes things very litterally...and comes out with some fantastic 'unique' ways of saying things! He also likes routines (like leigh)...but also gets stressy if things are not put in the right places etc. He also is going through a phase at punching and screaming when things go rwong...so he is hard work...but makes me laugh so much as he is so 'innocent' when he has his outbursts!

I am sure i have AS too.... and am gradually getting my mum to see that my dad and brother are AS!!!! (then to finish off....my husband struggles with empathy....cannot imagine how he makes people feel etc....and he has a son from another marriage with ADHD and AS!!!!- so am sure we raelly have the 'perfect genetic mix' for producing ASD children!!!!

My older two take MELATONIN to help them sleep ...but touch wood Alexx seems to still be able to get to sleep naturally.....

Ask me anything...it helps me to HELP others!
XXX

coppertop Wed 08-Jun-05 22:25:55

Both of my boys are very affectionate. Ds1 will give me a hug and a kiss and tell me "I love you, Mummy - even when you're a pest." Ds2 wraps his arms around me and kisses me.


Well done to Tom on getting the part in My Fair Lady, MrsF.

TheRealMrsF Wed 08-Jun-05 22:55:43

Thanks!

YOU ....a Pest!!!!! Don't believe it for 1 minute!!!!

Tom calls me CRAZY LADY....in an american drawl!!!!

Alex grabs me and hugs my tummy and says "BAYYYYYYBEEEEE! BAYYYYYYBEEEEEE! Come out!" (won't accept i'm just fat!!!)

Leigh calls me MUMASITA when he ...and times me how long it takes to make the cup of tea!!!

Chocol8 Wed 08-Jun-05 23:00:00

Ds is VERY affectionate - he tells me about 20-30 times a day that he loves me. He's just started saying "You're the best!". He hugs and kisses me and tells me he will really miss me in the school line in the morning and I have had to tell him that it upsets me cos I miss him so much. I'm trying to cut down on this as his classmates are noticing and making comments more recently although he seems unaware of this.

MrsF - my ds sounds like a real mixture of your 3 boys! The policeman (although that is me too), the literal interpretation and the hugginess all apply to him.

CT - are you a pest then?!

bunny2 Wed 08-Jun-05 23:05:11

SGM, glad I found your thread! We do seem to be in a similar place right now. I am not sure what sort of diagnosis to expect (have been given no clues) but I have a feeling I might become a regular on the SN boards.

Blu Wed 08-Jun-05 23:13:03

Hi Sheepgomeep!
I know nothing about ASD - but just wanted to say that I think that the SN board is never about a 'scale'of SN, but, to be useful, is about specicivity. My DS has a condition which afffects one leg, and hardly impinges on our daily life at all except when some particular issue crops up. But it has given me lots of specific experience about things like orthotics...so I keep an eye out for anyone facing similiar challenges to us, in case I can help. That means I get to follow the lives of people with children with quite different needs and differences.

Ramble ramble - hello, that's what I really want to say!

Sax Wed 08-Jun-05 23:47:26

Hi sheepgomeep - the autistic spectrum is huge with varying degrees of problems. My son is very very capable but we have always known 'there is just something we couldn't put our finger on'. This has become a lot more evident now he is 4 and all the milestones til now have been met. His 3yr check, I was told by the hv that my son was just an annoying and irritating little boy - he has now recently been dx autistic so F&£* to you HV.
My son isn't particularly affectionate but if asked for a hug he will give me one! There are lots of traits he now displays but only on such a mild scale to others. If i mention the dx to others who know him they so far have been extremely shocked and disbelieve the dx - however its me that lives with him everyday and sees the trials of what I use to think was just a difficult to handle little (actually very tall for age) boy.
All the best with your referral. I'm sure this site will give you lots of support whatever the outcome.

sheepgomeep Thu 09-Jun-05 00:37:20

Thanks again every one.. this board has been great. your all amazing!! And informative too.

sax I can't believe your hv said that about your little boy. how rude

I did a long post on the bunny2 thread about my ds symtoms and stuff. I might copy and paste it onto here.

sheepgomeep Thu 09-Jun-05 00:38:45

hi bunny2

My ds is 5, 6 in october.

Looking back I can see stuff starting when he was a baby and toddler

He would develop really irrational fears over silly things. Now I know most babies and toddlers do this. My dd aged 2 does but these were full blown hysterical shaking fits which were very frequent. He would go hysterical over his dad being in the house at bedtime. It would get so bad that my ex would have to go out for two hours every night just so I could calm him down. Strangley enough this suddenly stopped when dd was born and then he started to freak out when he saw me breastfeeding. (I couldn't cope and it was one of the reasons I stopped)

He started going to playgroup and appeared to settle in well there.. the staff loved him. He then started to withdraw a bit from joining in and became a bit 'rebellious'. He started to get very anxious about being left and in the end I withdrew him from playgroup (aged 3 and 1/2.

He got seen by the under 5's developement team (He was already being seen by a paed at the hospital because of an medical condition he's got (kidney reflux) He spent a lot of time in and out of hospital due to wee infections, scans, tests etc which may have affected him I don't know. The under 5's team said he has seperation anxiety issues but apart from that he's fine. hmmmm.

Nursery: Started well, got on well with staff and peers until after xmas term. He started to become 'obsessed' by a little boy in his class and would not leave him alone. he was constantly hounding this poor boy, wanting to touch him, stroke him, he would follow him everywhere, pull him about. In the end end his nursery teacher saw me struggling with him in the playground and getting in a state and told me to bring him in later after nursery had just started to avoid the issue in the playground, then they could control it from there which I did appreciate.

That wore off and then the obession with hoovers started which is an on going thing. He started flicking light switches on and off over and over again. He would put his hands over his ears if a lorry or bus passed him on the way to nursery, crouch against a wall and go uh uh uh until it passed.

He started school this year and everything seemed great. His obsessional behaviour seemed to wear off a bit and I though great! It was just one of those things. How wrong I was!

Last term the trouble started again. He became a little bit agressive in school, he bit another child and bruised anothers fingers. The only reason he gave was 'they talked in my face mummy' He hates people in his personal space, not me or his dad but other children even his sister sometimes. His concetration was poor although he is a good reader and is bright he won't sit still and flits from one thing to another. His teacher would have the others sitting down quietly for a story and he'd get up and start running around squealing, flapping his hands.He will not listen and will wonder across the road without looking He's not like it every day but a lot of the time. He's started getting a thing about lamp posts.

He loves computers, watching toy story (repeatedly!) and will only draw houses. He's stopped playing with the things that that he used to love like his cars and trucks which makes me feel sad. (he'd rather cut my grass and hedges with a a pair of scissors , spent hours doing that yesterday)

I remember being in the chippy the other week and he wouldn't keep still, then started stroking the walls. The looks he got....

The school nurse, his teachers and me are in agreement in saying there is something. Yes he's a bright, chatty, affectionate, helpful little angel BUT!!

My parents are in denial by saying oh theres nothing wrong with him.. it's my break up with my ex that done this (might have made him worse but the stuff was there before our break up anyway)When I press them more closely they do tend to reluctantly admit things that the'yve noticed about him.

jenkins88 Thu 09-Jun-05 00:39:11

Hi SGM. My DS who's 3yr 5m gets obsessional about things too. At the moment it's Micky Mouse. I decorated his room in Buzz Lightyear because he used to be obsessed with Toy Story, but as soon as it was finished he moved on.

It can't be easy being on your own with 2 kids, especially when things like this crop up. I sympathise with you there. I have a partner but he works long hours and when he gets in he just crashes in front of the telly. I only have one child and I feel like my head's gonna explode sometimes, so I REALLY feel for you. Do you have any family who can support you, living close by?

Good luck with the hospital. Have you got an appointment yet or are you still waiting to hear?

Sax - Annoying and irritating - what a stupid thing to say.

sheepgomeep Thu 09-Jun-05 00:48:08

hi jenkins88
Luckily I do have my mum and dad in the next village although sometimes it's a bit hard work with them as I don't think they want to admit that there may be a problem with thier grandson. but saying that though they have been there for me over my break up with ex.
I go to homestart too which is a godsend. I get a volunteer once a week and get to go to family group as well, so one way or another I do get some form of a break.

my ds is crackers on toy story. he knows all the words by now. (I do as well )

jenkins88 Thu 09-Jun-05 01:13:10

SGM - lol at knowing all the words to Toy Story. We had a lucky break (if you can call it that) when the DVD player in the living room broke, so now he can only watch Micky Mouse in his room at bedtime. Doesn't stop him from waving the DVD case under my nose all day though and saying 'peese, peese, peese, peese' (please).

DS doesn't have a diagnosis yet although I have always known that something is not quite right. As he's my only child I've had nothing to compare his behaviour to, but it's pretty obvious when he's around other kids of his age. At the park last year he met a little boy who I thought must be very small for his age as his language and motor skills were way above DS. Was absolutely gutted when his mum told me his age. He was 5 days younger than DS and at least 18 months more advanced. It's even more upsetting now when I think about it because he's still not up to that little boy's standards and that was over a year ago.

His main problems are with speach and language. I'm not sure how much of what is said that he understands but your comment about knowing all the words to Toy Story reminded me of something. In bed last night he shouted 'wahoo' just before Micky Mouse said it on the telly. He obviously is listening and being observant but nothing is going in IYKWIM. We are waiting for an assessment by a SALT, but he has seen a SALT at a craniofacial clinic he used to visit. From what she said and from what I've learnt on here and from links that other members have given, I think it looks like SPD.

Just have to wait and see though.

jenkins88 Thu 09-Jun-05 01:17:51

Meant to say that my mum is exactly the same with avoiding the issue of something being wrong. I suppose it's because we are their kids and they don't want to see us go through this. It's so much easier not to see the problems than to deal with them. I felt like that for a long time, that if I fooled myself into thinking that everything was gonna be ok then it always would be. It's only the thought of him starting nursery and having a teacher point it out to me that's making me face up to this.

MotherEve Thu 09-Jun-05 08:52:09

Hi sheepgomeep - I can empathise with a lot of what you have said - it's good that school have picked up on it so early. My DS is 9 and we are still in the process of trying to get help for him from the LEA, so in that way an early diagnosis will help.

Don't worry about what 'labels' he gets - they help to put things in place to help him - the main thing is that he's your DS, whether he has a label or not. Just love him for all the good things.

ROFL - 'Toy Story' - J's is 'Monsters Inc' - I know all the words to that one!

AliceInWonderland Thu 09-Jun-05 09:39:41

My ds1 was dx'd with AS and etc's at 8 (now nearly 12) is extremely affectionate, I still get kisses and hugs when I drop him off at school, hugs and snuggles as he calls them when he's at home, I am told 'love you' all the time he is around. He talks non-stop, usually narrating the day and what his doing when and how etc ... narrating the TV etc .. he talks to himself loads as well. He doesn't really have many friends, most think he is a bit 'odd', but those that he does have just seem to ignore the 'oddness' and really like his quirkiness.

And the labels he has now don't bother me, they are there for other people for whom his quirkiness seems to be a problem, I actually really like it (not the meltdowns though) but his individuality is fab, he makes me see things in a different way, and I still love the snuggles I get with him, big brov (15) wouldn't consider any of that unless there was some kind of monetary incentive involved!

bunny2 Thu 09-Jun-05 22:17:28

AiW, what a great way of looking at things. My ds is quirky and I am going to try and celebrate is rather than fret.

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