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feeling very low and unenthusiastic about mothering DS, need some help please

(4 Posts)
hereidrawtheline Tue 29-Sep-09 10:29:12

DS has gone ballistic since Saturday. It's my fault, we got the chance to take him to the Thomas & friends movie premier in London (ironically it was in partnership with the NAS - not our involvement in it that was through the Independent but the NAS works with the Thomas people and they are there)

anyway we knew it was a risk and we only found out we were going on the Friday so we did all we could to prepare him but we felt it would be crazy to miss the chance especially as he has been so very NORMAL for such a long time. Well suffice it to say it all went majestically tits up. I'd rather not go in to the gory detail but just trust me, although there were really wonderful parts to the day it has triggered something in him which has made him almost unrecognisable.

Since then he has been running in circles, spinning, screaming, making noises, not sleeping, screaming at us, angry all of the time, hitting, throwing. He goes to sleep by around 11pm and wakes at 6am screaming at us and begins hitting as soon as we get near him. He's had lucid moments where he has said things like "I love you" and "are you happy" and "are you ok?" and his normal, nervous stuff, and asking if we still love him. It is so tiring. He is saying stuff like "When I hit you, are you still mine?" and "When I am mean do you still love me?" and of course we always say we love him no matter what. But honestly we are so utterly exhausted.

The week before Thomas he was showing signs of this but I was putting it down to his return to preschool. He had begun hitting and kicking me again quite badly. I dont know what to do. I love him so much but I am dreading being around him again and I just want that to stop so I can enjoy being his mother. Help me switch this off.

silverfrog Tue 29-Sep-09 10:43:54

I am sorry that things are ahrd for you again.

dd1 used to (and still does, but it shows itself in different ways now) get very bothered by changes in her routine/major days out. we would pay the price for it for weeks, even if we had had a good day.

dd1 presents as a very confident little girl, but actually she is deeply insecure. last week I had to attend a review meeting at ehr school. dd1 stayed at home with her ABA tutor (who she loves) dd2 and I went to the meeting. every day since, dd1 has been anxious about me going anywhere - she is nervous if I even stand up in a room, and needs to know what is going on straight away. she has been left at home (obv with an adult!) before, so I don't know why she was bothered this time.

one thing we have found to work with dd1 is to "voice" what we think her fears are. she is reasonably good at telling us what is wrong, but somehow us relaying them to her seems to help her. so currently I am dropping her at school, and telling her what is going tohappen when I pick her up - eg"mummy will come after school. we are going home for lunch. lunch at home (lunch a problem for her at school at the momnet, so she likes to know where she is eating!). after lunch at home XXXX (ABA tutor) will be coming. mummy is staying at home today. no going out with dd2. so XXXX, dd1, dd2 and mummy will be at home this afternoon."

and so on.

again, and again, and again.

if she still seems unsettled, I talk through her fears mroe: "I know you are worried that mummy will go shopping again. mummy is staying at home today. all of us togehter. at home."

etc etc.

when dd1 gets stressed by something, she often loses quite a lot of her ability to communicate. do you think it would help your ds if you told him that there were no more days out for now? just "normal" things - home, pre-school, daddy at work etc? keep repeating that it is back to his old routine, all the same as it was. it's nice to have exciting days, but nice to be back home with familiar stuff, etc?

Marioandluigi Tue 29-Sep-09 11:16:25

Sorry that you are having such a bad time, Like you and Silverfrog I have found that days out have caused DS2 some problems. We recently went to Drayton Manor, again to see Thomas (Devil's minion obviously!) and it set him off for days. For my DS its mainly not eating and having no attention whatsoever, just wandering around half moaning half crying.

I agree with what Silverfrog says, we use pictures to display to DS what we are doing. Also, I find that when Fraser is unsettled, he will sped alot more time in his 'Safe place' which is either his bed or his buggy. Does your DS have a safe place?

Sorry that I dont have any better advice. Do you have any support workers or family that can help?

hereidrawtheline Tue 29-Sep-09 15:27:20

thanks for the advice I have tix to Drayton Manor on their way in the post to me I will be selling now! I am soooo not up for another day out or in our case a weekend away as it is 3 hrs away from us!

There really isnt anyone who can help us unfortunately. Its so hard horrible feeling like you dont like your own child. I feel so guilty when it gets like this. I should be better at rising above it but he pushes my buttons like no one else does.

Last pead appointment it was noted he is very high on the hyperactive scale and oppositional one too so we'll see.

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