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really struggling with ds who AS and adhd what can i do?

(12 Posts)
trace2 Mon 28-Sep-09 16:57:15

ds 7 we can not take him any where every one looks at him as he wont do as hes told runs in to people at home hes the same yet at school hes fine i really am thinking its my parenting just dont know how to get through to him? and dd is copping every thing he does. am really am at the end of my tether.

anonandlikeit Mon 28-Sep-09 17:15:32

trace, its not your parenting... poor parenting doesn't get dx with AS & add. Come on you know the lengthy process to dx, they don't give a dx out willy nilly.

Its moor likely that with the structure in palce at school he is able to hold it all together & your get the full backlash at home.

Have you tried sitting down with him & talking about his feelings at home & school & what the difference for him is.. if this is not appropriate for your son than just ignore.
I hope things improve.

HelensMelons Mon 28-Sep-09 17:57:50


My DS2 (8) is hfa and adhd. His behaviour is challenging at times. What meds is he on (if any) for the adhd?

My dd3 copies some of the behaviour as well - she is 6 - some of it is funny but some is also really inappropriate. It will pass though, I'm sure.

It is very frustrating. I am doing a parenting course for the adhd atm and last week we talked about empathy (putting ourselves in our DS's shoes) and we have to practice it in the home this week -I am trying to do this with all my dc's.

It has helped. My expectations have changed a bit, I think.

On his meds DS2 does much better in school than he does at home. He really responds to the structure which we try to replicate (to a degree) at home but it's just not the same.


trace2 Mon 28-Sep-09 18:02:15

thanks both of you ! not on meds yet till 7th oct been told its a non stimulating and takes about 3 months to work properly our pead is giving us time to think if we want him medicating can not remember the name though but am sure ut started with m ,sorry not much good am i?

trace2 Mon 28-Sep-09 18:04:27

anonandlikeit yes we have tried talking to him on his own explained every thing ,its likewe going at a brick wall

mrspitt Wed 07-Oct-09 16:23:51

Hi Trace2

My dear ds (8) has driven me almost to the edge today. He has hit me, kicked me and even bitten me, all before 9 o clock this morning. We cannot take him anywhere, even for a kick about in the park results in screaming matches, meltdowms and aggression. He can't go to any activities because he ruins it for himself. Now he has started lying aswell so the school assume that if he can do that then he can't really have AS !!

He has AS and ADHD.

He started Atomoxetine at the beginning of August ( non-stimulant), low dose then increased. We were starting to see very small results for the better. We couldn't believe it! Then 2 weeks in he developed an allergic reaction to it. We had to stop it.

Next he tried Equasym low dose 3 times a day. He was aggressive, which he can be usually but this increased. No improvements for the better.

Now we are on Dexamfetamine, very low dose but haven't seen any change yet.
We,ve been told if this doesn't work then that's it

My only sanity and reassuarance for my parenting skills is my 5 year old dd. She is an angel and my wee star, so there are days i know it's not us.

I don't have words of wisdom because we are really struggling with him atm but i know exactly how you feel when the world is staring and tutting at you're out of control child with no understaning of what you're life is really like.

Good luck

bubblagirl Wed 07-Oct-09 16:45:16

i really dont have any advise im afraid but didnt want to not respond one thing i have learnt is sont blame yourself its so easy to put that pressure on yourself when its not you, you do the best you can every day by your ds and its not always easy we all know that but its not you maybe the structure of the day is what keeps him calm this is the same with my ds

i have now started at home structuring his time as if at school and his much calmer but also you get the sensitivity come down when he gets home so maybe he may also need quiet time away from every one when he gets home ds will retreat to his room to play games and we just let him as sensory filled day he needs this time to relax

big hugs your doing great

maybe you could ahve a chart and have feelings pics on it that he could put on how he feels and you could give him space etc as to how he feels if his unable to speak maybe visually he could show you how he feels

bubblagirl Wed 07-Oct-09 16:46:09

regarding the running i cant advise im afraid sorry not so good at advise lol but im here to listen

Psychotrace2 Wed 07-Oct-09 17:02:40

thank you! i did this thread a few weeks ago and dd is now scared when ds come anywhere her now so shes backing off.

we today have been to his pead they have offered him some meds took his weight, height, blood pressure and listened to his heart. they have gave us some time to think which one would work the names are

or concerta

but ds can not take tablets is there any we can spilt to take or sprinkle in juice ? and which is best?myself i think the first ones better for ds as he is intermittent adhd i think they call it cope with fidgeting at school but explodes at home, but they say he needs to take the full pill for it.

PeachyTentativelyPosting Wed 07-Oct-09 17:13:38

It's really common for kids to present differently at home and school I promise. DS1 does it, and the lady on the committe for the new NICE Asd guidelines said she expected it in someone she was diagnosing- if thats not prrof then I dont know what is!

Witrh the meds, have you thought about calling the NAS for some ideas on which ones and how to adminsiter?I do find them very good.

Trace also have you thought about applying for an NAS volunteer if they ahve them in your area? ds1's used to take him to Asda and it has helped in supermarkets thankfully. because she wasn't juggling the others etc etc she was able to just familiarise him with the place and all that- he's still no gem (!!!!!) in them but it is better.

Psychotrace2 Wed 07-Oct-09 17:49:12

mrspitt so sorry you going through same and about the meds not helping and about AS our school too think ds dont have ADHD or AS, but our pead is getting very angry with our school about all this! i have 3 other children too with nothing like this, but i still question my self or if its some thing i have donesad

bubblagirl thank you i have tried telling ds he needs time alone and we are making a chart together to try. thank you for the hug!

peachy no i didnt think to ring NAS but i am going to ring early bird if they could help?

as for the school i asked if they could help by keeping his brain going as he gets bored and explodes when he comes home guess what she said?
HE NEEDS FRIENDS AT HOME the bloody cheek of her its like telling her to be friends with some one she didnt like ( stupid woman)

magso Thu 08-Oct-09 17:36:02

Hi Trace sorry you are having a difficult time. Ds has autism LD and ADHD. I think his main trouble is not being able to cope with boredom or waiting (the ADHD side) and not being able to plan - so needs entertaining!He also has many sensory needs ( ASD) so the 'entertainment needs to encompass these needs. He likes cooking and preparing vegetables (!) walking next doors dogs- so I leave jobs he likes till he gets home ( after the obligatory snack and tv/rest). He loves the appreciation and enjoys the sensory side.
You asked about tablets. Medication has been a lifesaver for us. Methylphenidate is a stimulant and comes in many forms. The type we tried ( equazyme - immediate release type) could be desolved in juice ( I used to put his lunch time dose in his lunchbox juice and hand it to staff to make sure only ds drank it!). The advantage of immediate release is ( aprox 3 hours useful affect) is it can be given short term ( useful for trying out initially), the disadvantage is that it only last a short while and more importantly in a child who metabolises it quickly the desired dose may be short lived with undesiable downs as it wears off ( not ideal just before lunch if lunch is a stressor anyway). Concerta is an extended continous release methyphenidate and comes in a tiny capsule a little smaller than a tictac. In theory it gives 12 hours stable coverage - in our son ( a fast metaboliser) it is about 9 and he doesn't seem to get the down. Ds can swallow this fine but he used to find swallowing difficult.( we used tictacs swallowing as practice/ rewards) I have no experience of the others.

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