Tips on managing this pelase?

[DoNotPressTheRedButton]

DS1 is almost ten, with a dx of HFA /AS. He needs 24/7 supervision by an adult as although yhe can seem very NT at times, at other times he will suddenly go into overlaod and hurt himself or others; he also stims a lot etc and that makes him a target for toehrs.

Because of his age though we are at a point where children are starting to call around for him. Ds1 doesn't want to go (agoraphobic) but doesn'twant to be embarassed by us saying he's not allowed, either.

First time the child had a bike so we explained ds1 didn't ride on roads as his vision is poor (true), last time was during a meal which was handy.... but long term???

I can solve the current child I think as she ahs a sibling with AS and an approachable Mum, but have realisd that this is going to be an increasing issue for him. He cannot go out without us- simply not safe- but we don't want him embarassed by his ASD, or marked out as even more different IYSWIM?

[DoNotPressTheRedButton]

Oh and I do have a mroe severely affected ASD child so I do know he is lucky that people are caling though I feel fairly certain their motives are about as innocent as David Cameron is working class....

[claw3]

LOL@ David Cameron. Could they come in to play instead?

[DoNotPressTheRedButton]

I'dl ove them to sometimes, but apart from the fact we'd need to stand over them the whole time (last time DS locked one in a wardrobe ) he and ds3 have a tendency to trashing their rooms (and any other they can find) and I certainly struggle to keep up with them.

[claw3]

Let him lock them in the wardrobe, they wont knock again!!

I had a similar problem with my ds1 (not SN), it seemed his friends were allowed to 'play out' when i thought he was far too young.

I would never say he wasnt allowed, i used various excuses, he is just about to have dinner, doing homework, we are expecting visitors etc and they soon got fed up of knocking.

[silverfrog]

so is ds1 not wanting to go a problem because of where they want to go (understand the safety issues, just trying to see his reason for not wanting to go, iyswim?) it seems that on some level he does want to play with them - as otherwise surely a "I don't want to" form ds1 would suffice?

would there be a way to arrange this? sort of like a playdate, as in an arranged time etc? explained away, if bneeds be, by your need to be organised because of 4 boys, differing school times etc etc?

is there an activity he does that can then be extended into "playtime" (sounds so wrong for a nearly 10 yr old, but I hope you know what I'm getting at) - as then watching over time is already partially allocated?

[DoNotPressTheRedButton]

H doesn't like to leave the house- he knows he mustn't anyway but is also nervous about it. He seems sort of stuck between wanting to not be left out, and realising that he isn't really OK to be out atm. In tryth i'mlikely to have to take him to secondatry school- one of the reasons we're looking at one away from home so it doesn't make him look baby'ed.

[silverfrog]

hmmm, tricky.

I know you don't get enough (any!) SS help - but this sounds like a youth worker type job. you know, almost a mentor type role? someone who could be out as an accompani-er, who ds1 likes and would (most times) listen to.

I don't suppose there are any youth projects round your way?

if he is beginning to realise he isn't ok to be out on his own, would he accept this kind of thing?

[DoNotPressTheRedButton]

He ahd aq befriender from the NAS but she left ion September, they did say we'd get another so might check.....

I don't think ds1 would go further from the bins tbh, he runs away regualrly and after a complex escape (out bedroom windown, acroos roof, down kitchen wall, through garden,over 6ft dry stone wall).... he then goes and sits by the ins at the back.

There'san SN rugby group he attends, he loves that- a fewfriendships there I could cuultivate (and I know soem of them read MN LOL)- we tried it with a 'safe' group of NT kids with DH on site but not watching a few weeks ago and that ened in a bad way (DS1 blacking someones eye and DH ebing threatened).MSN might be the way to go...

[silverfrog]

would you be able to do something after SN rugby? like an extension of the game? - go for a burger/pizza with a few of the other children? that way you can legitimately be there, s it is after pick up time, and hover around a bit on the edge after a couple of times?

how aware is ds1 of his triggers? would he be able to get a handle on some of them if identified early enough?

def think starting small (ie extension of already known and liked activity) is way to go - less threatening than a "new" thing happening?