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Finding it hard to cope with everything.

(11 Posts)
Marne Fri 25-Sep-09 20:41:00

I feel guilty as i know many people manage with far worse than me sad.

I don't work so i should be able to manage the children and the house, the dd's are well behaved but i feel like lifes a huge struggle. I get up each morning, get the girls ready for school and nursery, i take dd1 to school up the road,i then drive dd2 to nursery (20 min drive), by the time i get home and tidy up the mess the girls have made before school its time to go and pick dd2 up from nursery (20 min drive there and back), i get home,make dd2's lunch, wash up, spend 1 hour doing floor time with dd2 and then its time to pick dd1 up from school.

Dd1 gets home, we do her reading/spellings, i cook tea, wash up, clean the kitchen and then its bed time for the dd's. By the time dd2 settles its 10pm and i'm ready for bed.

Dh seems to be working later each night and gets in between 6 and 7pm and wants to know why i havn't ironed, dusted or done the washing angry.

I feel like i am sinking in a mountain of washing, ironing and clutter and i just can't find the time to be a good wife and a mum to 2 ASD children sad.

I should be able to manage but my weeks seemed to be full of driving around to schools/nursery, taking the dd's to appointments, waiting for portage and SALT to visit.

How do you all manage?

And to top it all off dh comes home tonight saying he is doing more hours at work next week. He doesn't seem to realize how i feel how ever much i tell him, he doesn't come to appointments, meetings and has never taken dd2 to nursery (he hasn't got a clue).

Sorry for the rant.

JackBauer Fri 25-Sep-09 20:46:42

Rant away Marne. I have 2 NT kids and haven't ironed in years, let alone dusted. The washing only gets done when DD2 shoves it all in the machine along with half my makeup bag and starts ithmm
Can you go on strike for 24 hours at any point? I have foudn that telling DH I have had enough$ and walking out for a few hours makes a hell of a difference to his attitude, if only for a few days.

Much sympathy though.

BriocheDoree Fri 25-Sep-09 20:50:09

Don't always manage. Tired all the time. And my DS is NT, so it's really just DD. DH usually not home before 9.
I think, TBH, kids are tiring, SN or not!! Yours are young. DD is only 3, isn't she? That's a demanding age, regardless of any other issues she has. It's hard work. Yes, I know many people have it worse than us, but that doesn't mean that it's not hard work for you!
My DD have 5 appts this week. Some are 45 mins drive away. I haven't been to the supermarket all week and have been raiding the depths of the freezer for the last three meals (although tonight was prawn curry - delicious!)
I find that I just do enough to keep it all ticking over. I try to take time out to do fun stuff as a family at weekends, and once a month / two months I go out with friends. Anyway, this is all a long way of saying come here and rant because on here we will understand you!!
(And I went on a huge downer today just because my friend told me her daughter could read already aged 4.5!)

Marne Fri 25-Sep-09 20:54:33

Dh likes the house tidy and everything in its place (he possibly has Aspergers too).

This week has been the worst, i feel like i'm loosing my mind, on tuesday i got a parking ticket because i miss read a sign, on wed i rushed out to take the dd's to school got into town to get some shopping and i had left my handbag at home and then today i flooded the kitchen because i didn't shut the door correctly on the washing machine. It feels like i don't have enough time to think.

I don't think dh could cope with the dd's if i went on strike, sometimes i manage to out on a sunday morning by myself (to a boot sale) ,when i get home the dd's are still in pj's and dh is trying to clean things that don't really need cleaning.

Marne Fri 25-Sep-09 20:58:47

Dd1 is 5, dd2 is 3, TBH dd2 is really laid back and will play happily by herself (but she shouldn't have too), she is doing so well with her speech that i want to spend more time helping her, dd1 is very full on and never stops talking, moaning and asking questions, she follows me around and wants a lot of attention.

bodeniites Fri 25-Sep-09 21:04:47

would it be possible to get a taxi to take dd2 to school ?my son has autism and he gets a taxi to school every day

RaggedRobin Fri 25-Sep-09 21:14:30

sounds like you are so tired, marne. i always make loads of mistakes when i'm tired and it just compounds the feeling that you are going round in circles getting nothing done.

is there any chance that on two of the school days, you just leave the mess and do something to help you chill out while dd2 is at nursery? you're doing such a lot for your dds, but if you don't get some time for yourself, you'll be too frazzled to help them eventually. think of it as recharging your batteries.

you say dh wouldn't cope if you went on strike, but that is exactly the point. he has to knw how much you are doing and how tiring it is, and there is only one way for him to learn wink

mysonben Fri 25-Sep-09 22:58:56

That is nearly universal ...men don't see how much us women do. I agree the best way to get the point across is to 'take some time off'.
And i don't think dads realise that it's impossible to have a home that is always spotless and tidy when young kiddies are around.
My house looks llike a bomb site more often than not because as soon as i tidy up something the 'tag team' DS (asd ,nearly 4) and DD (NT, 17 m) mess it all up as soon as.

Marne, sod the housework for a day, while your DDs are at school and nursery have a nice bath, or go shopping, do something for you...to cheer you up.
You sound fed up and tired, i feel like that too regularly.
Sending you virtual hugs, xx

claireyfairey1975 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:55:45

Oh honey, it's tough is'nt it.
Sounds like you need some time for you. Meet up with somefriends for a coffe or go and treat yourself to a manicure or something.
Plan a day out(lie if necessary [shock[) and make your hubby take the day off work and do all the stuff you have to do everyday. Would make him realise just how busy and stressful life is.
Another one of my tips is get the ironing board out and watch Jeremy Kyle in the morning it will make you feel like the worlds best mum and wife and a job gets done.
Take care of yourself, I think we all forget sometimes that we are the glue that holds everything together but we need to look out for ourselves as well.
xxx

Marne Sat 26-Sep-09 09:06:45

Thank you all for being so kind.

Dd2 could go on a bus to one of her nursery's but she has such a rigid routine and i am scared to change it (if that makes sense?).

I drop dd1 off at school early (she plays in the play ground) which i feel really guilty about doing as she's only 5.5. Yesterday i dropped her off too early and she was the first there (which i didn't realize, i should have checked someone was there to keep an eye on her) and she got upset, luckily a teacher took her inside. I feel so guilty (dd1 has forgot about it and is fine). I have spoken to DH and he still wants to work more hours (feels he has no choice or may loose his job) but has said that he could try and start later so he can take dd1 to school on the 2 days that i drop her off early.

I am joining the Gym next week so will get a bit of time on my own but i worry as i will have less time to sort the house work out for DH.

DH is taking us out today (as he feels guilty) to look for a bike for dd1 (because i feel guilty about yesterday and she would love a bike).

Lets just hope it was just a bad week and things will pick up again next week.

Yesterday was a emotional day as i was advised that dd2 should go to a SN school next september(which i know will be good for her) but she will start off by doing 3 days a week (half days). I was looking forward to having her at MS with dd1 (which would make my life easier) and to be full time meaning i could go back to work.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Sat 26-Sep-09 09:30:13

Marne <<hugs>>

Another non-ironer, (you knwo I am peachy, yes? except fords2's cub neckerchief. My house is only tidy bcuase DH mainly works from home and Uni studying means a lot of time doing that- goodness nows what would happen to us otherwise (Well I do know, DH was out last night and isnt up yet- building a carnival float for the kids LOL, not partying- and the kitchen is a bomb site.

Stop punishing yourself, you're doing a good job with your girls and should be proud.

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