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Please help. No one will listen to me

(37 Posts)
DogAgain Thu 24-Sep-09 15:02:57

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DoNotPressTheRedButton Thu 24-Sep-09 15:08:09


I have no way of knowing whether your son has any SN, but regardless you sound scared and and in need of support.

Are there any other GPs at the surgery? OCuld you make an appointment with one of them to ask for a referaal to a developmental Paed? That really is the next step and certainly I owuld think your son's behaviours as reported here warrant checking, although of corse the chances are high he is NT.

Have you tried you5r HV? maybe she could suggest a route, or have a word with the GP? Or alternatively (I know, but it always works for me) send your DP in to ask for the referral- wrong as it is, they seem to take men moreseriously, perhaps they presume it must be worthy of him taking a day off <<look of disgust on behalf of ever student / shift working / home based Dp on the planet>>

Fluffypoms Thu 24-Sep-09 15:08:53

Have you tried your health visitor?

cyberseraphim Thu 24-Sep-09 15:09:04

Is he in nursery ? Did the SALT give any explanation for her dismissal of concern - it does seem very little speech for his age. Great about the toilet training though, My 2.10 is not 'there' yet. He obviously has a good capacity to learn, but you do need help to help him. I think you can self refer to SALT services.

DogAgain Thu 24-Sep-09 15:15:43

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DogAgain Thu 24-Sep-09 15:16:24

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DogAgain Thu 24-Sep-09 15:22:17

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moosemama Thu 24-Sep-09 15:29:29

Oh Dog. Not sure I can be much help but wanted to support you.

The only things I can think of are:

1. Is his preschool attached to a school? If so, I'm not sure if they would be covered by the school SENCO but it might be worth asking.

2. Don't let the GP put you off. Mothers/parents know their dcs better than any HV, SALT or GP ever could. If you feel in your heart there is a problem that needs addressing I would definitely insist on a referral. We had to insist that ds1 had a referral when he was repeatedly ill as a toddler. The doctor was all sort of "well I could refer you, but ..." so I took DH with me, we wrote down all our concerns beforehand, stated our case and told him we 'wanted him to refer'. More a case of telling him rather than asking. The paed was very happy to see him, said we were right to be concerned and its always best to get things checked out.

stripeywoollenhat Thu 24-Sep-09 15:32:27

dog, am sorry you are so worried, i don't have any advice apart from thinking you should go with your gut on this, if you're worrying needlessly it's not going to do any damage in the long run, whereas if there is an issue the sooner it gets caught the better. i don't know anything about the uk system but think insisting on a referral sounds like a good idea.

mysonben Thu 24-Sep-09 15:37:00

Hi, i'm sorry you feel they are not listening to you. Sometimes you have to push to gets things rolling.
I would approach GP and ask demand a referal to a paed. And don't take no for an answer. wink
It may not be a developmental paed you get to see straight away, a community paed will do some simple checks, will ask you questions and can refer you on if necessary.
Good luck.

mysonben Thu 24-Sep-09 15:39:40

I would write down a list of concerns and worries you have about your DS. Just to make sure you don't forget something important you feel is relevant when you see GP, and/or any other professionals.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Thu 24-Sep-09 15:47:22

If the GP is funny just repeat 'I am glad you think my son is doing well and I hope you are right but my instincts tell me otherwise, so I need him to br seen. I hope you are right and I am wrong,we shall see won't we?'

Doa sk at preschool; some have access to a SENCO

DoNotPressTheRedButton Thu 24-Sep-09 15:48:16

Oh- and here we are blathering on about dev aprds / community Paeds- ask your HV what is done in your area- it varies so much!

mummysaurus Thu 24-Sep-09 16:06:22

Sorry nobody is taking you seriously.

I also took the route of taking my dh with me to the docs as I had been fobbed off before and I'd decided in my own mind that i would not leave without a referral. I was going to use the cracked record technique: you just politely but firmly repeat your concern and that you want to be referred. The GP agreed straightaway to refer but then the asssessment centre itself insisted that the HV do the referral.

But even if that does happen in my experience the HV is unlikely to go against the wishes of the GP and will support the referral.

It's so hard because taken individually many of the things you say could be true of many any 2.9 year boy but only you see the whole picture and you are right to want to get things checked out.

DogAgain Thu 24-Sep-09 18:26:28

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moosemama Thu 24-Sep-09 18:46:01

Dog definitely stop with the googling! I've lost count of the times I've scared myself witless about ds1 by googling.

As you know we have our suspicions that ds1 is on the spectrum so do I understand how you feel. You feel bad for thinking there is something wrong with your little boy, but at the same time desperately want the professionals to either agree with you and get him the help he needs or say a definitive no and put your mind at rest.

We have recently discovered (inadvertently) that ds1's first cousin on dh's side has been diagnosed with Aspergers. Apparently the family have been keeping it a secret as they refuse to believe the diagnosis.

grumpyoldeeyore Thu 24-Sep-09 19:05:11

If you are thinking aspergers then i would suggest you download the MCHAT its a screening tool for autistic spectrum. Aspergers is the higher end of spectrum and can be hard to diagnose at 2-3, many children aren't diagnosed until much later. If he ticks lots of the boxes then at least you can go to the GP armed with some evidence to justify your concern. The sensory issues - sensitivity to heat / noise etc can be assessed via a sensory profile which can normally be done by an occupational therapist. I would say you want to be referred to SALT / OT and paed. We got a private speech therapist to see our son at the outset because it was going to take so long to get any support and I think she charged £70 for a 2 hour assessment and report. You can have speech difficulties without autism but which mimic some of the symptoms of autism. ICAN and AFASIC describe different conditions. ICAN do assessments but i think only from age 4.

DogAgain Thu 24-Sep-09 19:10:51

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Goblinchild Thu 24-Sep-09 19:13:22

OT Occupational Therapist

DoNotPressTheRedButton Fri 25-Sep-09 10:34:15

Hi again

You might find the nas site a useful place to look- if you google NAS Triad of imapirments you will get the clearest tool for working out whether an assessment is required imo. Chat etc are good but really the prodfessional needs to diagnose- you can however try implemnting ASD specific tips immediately as actually,many of thema re just excellent tips for any child who is struggling a bit. A few good texts on Amazon, will pop off and find for you.

Oh and although specific diagnostic procedures do vay the general thing is that if the paed accepts speech delay you wouldn't normally be given a DX of AS but ASD. Don't worry if you find that in stuff though, all it menas is same stuff but with a speech delay (accurately, most likely HFA)- it sounds scarier buta ctually needn't be I promise, it really is just that differential.

but there are so many related disorders- dyspraxia, sensory disorders so even if 9and it is an if) there is something going on, it's impossible to know without a full assessment and they can take years.
With the GP- if he or she isn't bang up to date they may be taking a wait and see approach, in the 3.5 years since ds1 was diagnosed the age of diagnosis has dropped rapidly- then he was an average six years old. it's a good thing becuase early intervention really is the key, but diagnoses IME seem to be a bit wider in spec now through the necessity- and you may still get someone reluctant to dx yet, ds3 has severe enough SN to be iattendiing an SNU (also ASD) but didn't get a formal dx until december after a few years in the system.

Will get books

DoNotPressTheRedButton Fri 25-Sep-09 10:40:52

don't shoot the dog- fantastic guide to delaing with behavioural probs, recommended to me by a SALT on here

useful intro text with tips that can be used for any child with similar behaviour, not DX specific at all despite title

Always worth seeing if your library can get books in BTW! I've just started a course in autism and blimey,i'd have to sell DH (one owner from new, no contact with MIL, good at hosuework- should get a good price, any takers? wink) to afford every book on the reading list.

OnceWasMummyPig Fri 25-Sep-09 10:53:36

DogAgain I am really sorry to hear your concerns. It does sound as if it would be good to go back to the GP again and ask for a referral. Badgering GPs is a great skill to have and one area in which I feel I could still improve.

RedButton I'd take your dh if he could help me right now smile. I'm sitting using my laptop in the middle of the most almighty mess, with things I should have done yesterday still around me including ds3's breakfast cereal on the floor (he probably added to the pile with today's cereal) and some laundry which I did wash but is slowly going mouldy waiting to be hung out, which I can't hang out until I take down the last batch from the clothes dryer. And that's just the living room, I haven't ventured into the kitchen since getting back from the school run! Dp and I both fell asleep getting the kids to bed and then everyone got up late this morning so it was more than the usual stress and rush to get them to school. Is your dp happy with homeschooling too, by any chance? wink

anyway I agree about getting the library to order in books smile they have done quite well with the ones I have asked them for. I only have to pay £1 per book they get in and I quite like the idea that they might be of use to other people when I've finished with them.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Fri 25-Sep-09 10:57:05

You'renot having him LOL, he's allmmmine and I know when I am lucky!

We jst hide the mess upstairs LOL,looks fine down here but washing abandoned clean but not put away up there instead. Makes it easier.

Dog- my firned in another county says her GP has a policy of only referring people who ask 6 times or mroe to cut down unnecesary paperwork- always worth being aware you might what we know as a 'procedure jokey'.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Fri 25-Sep-09 10:57:17

Sorry jockey LOL

DogAgain Sat 26-Sep-09 22:16:31

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