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ASD SON AND NURSERY

(9 Posts)
kirstygee Wed 23-Sep-09 08:07:03

I have problem. I know this is my descion but i feel that i will be judged,DS is meant to be starting nursery today and i know he wont like it. THey wont let me stay longer than a week and i have no intention of leaving him. I dont even leave him with any of my family. He has no speech and no way of communicating. I know kids dont have to go to nursery but i know people will judge me on not sending him.

HecatesTwopenceworth Wed 23-Sep-09 08:39:05

you never know. He might love the routine of it. Will he have support?

nobody whose opinion is worth anything will judge you. We all do what we feel is right for our kids.

Both mine have autism and love the structure of school, the predictability of it all. I sent them to nursery and yes, there were problems settling in (as I am sure there are with many children without asd) but support was put in place and they did fine.

have you had a meeting with them to decide how they will meet his needs?

Mine had statements very early, and that helped. How old is he? Is there a senco to talk to? Have you got support from the early years team? (Mine had a home visiting teacher 3 times a week until they started school)

tingler Wed 23-Sep-09 09:13:07

Nobody on here is going to judge you. Try to let that feeling go so you can make the decision with a clear head.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Wed 23-Sep-09 09:32:45

kirsty <<hugs>>

I do know how youn feel,my heart felt like it would break the day I left ds3 (then no speech, in nappies etc) with someone else.Nursery didn't work but we ued a CM and so he ahd a smaller group etc.

He loved her (traitor) and still asks if he can go back there now (he's in yr2 at his SNU lol)

In fact my baby ds4 started properly with he today and I know he will be OK, but he is so very clingy and still BF so am like you very wary.... he ahsn't sn we known of but is high risk as we have 2 asd kids. Am feeling very weepy adn empty-of-arm- its normal I think bt horrible.

Think about a CM if you can get a recommendation, but go with your own instincts- ds3, despite being mroe severely afrfected, is much more confident and happy than ds1 and I put a lot of that down to refusing to give in to toehr peoples demands over schooling / childcare / etc- Mum often does know best

kirstygee Wed 23-Sep-09 11:36:36

whats a CM?

I took him this morning for an hour all he did was play with the cars and everyone was like he is fine just go. I cannot leave him, i took him home. He has a statement, he was 3 in june. I havent had any support from early years. I have phoned people for advice but they just say he like another child leave him. My son has fits if he gets upset for a period of time.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Wed 23-Sep-09 11:39:39

Childminder- after asking about I actually found one with a child with AS herself (though almost grown now) and throughout the whole DX thing she was magnificent- hosting SALT assessments and helping with therapies etc. There's no way i'd have let ds4 go anywhere else (can't prove it but we feel sure that the diets etc we are using are the balance between him being really anxious and taking the ASD route iyswim- he has the same lists of allergies etc as the 2 asd boys) and she understands where we are coming from.

brokenspacebar Wed 23-Sep-09 11:58:55

kirsty is it a mainstream nursery attached to a school? Or a private nursery?

I am glad I sent my ds to nursery, it gave him 2 years (we are in Scotland) to adjust to school, and two years for them to get to know him and get him the support he needed. As well as letting him socialise with other children (okay it was mainly parallel play, but the children got to know ds too), but he did interact eventually.

My ds got really great support, school applied for a one to one assistant, he also saw early years support teacher twice a week. I got a break, two hours but it helped. Ds has just started at the school his nursery was attached to - the transition to school has gone well.

If you are thinking of HE then you don't need to take your ds to nursery, but if you want your ds to go to school then it is worth persevering with nursery... ds only went 3 times a week to start with.

My ds was a screamer, it was very hard when he was three, to leave him, he was vulnerable, but I think I did the right thing. He is now so different, it has taken two (long) years but he is a very happy boy most of the time.

Marne Wed 23-Sep-09 13:45:54

Hi kirsty, i know how you are feeling, my dd2 started nursery last year, she has ASD and at the time was non-verbal, i had never left her with any one other than my mum (for an hour), i stayed at nursery with her for the first couple of weeks and then i was advised to leave her ,i started by leaving her for an hour and then worked up to the full 3 hours.

It took 3 months before i could leave her without her crying (and me crying) but i have to say its the best thing i could have done for her, she now enjoys nursery and also attends another nursery which she settled into straight away (no tears at all), her speech has improved and she now plays along side and with other children.

Settling him in to nursery will be hard for both of you at first, there will be tears (from both of you), it will take him a while to settle but it could help him so much before he starts school.

HecatesTwopenceworth Wed 23-Sep-09 14:41:27

Kirsty, you need to get fiesty! Your son is entitled - LEGALLY!!! - to support to meet his needs. Them failing to put anything in place is not an option and they need to know you won't accept that.

Read the code of practice. Read up on your rights. Tell them what your son needs and ask them to tell you how they are going to meet those needs.

Be polite, but be firm. Your son's needs must be met. How they work out budget, time etc - not your problem.

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