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Concerned about my ds's mental state help please to keep me sane

(17 Posts)
claw3 Tue 22-Sep-09 14:34:37

After events after the last few days,im really worried about my ds's 5 mental state. He has sensory modulation disorder (this far, although he obviously has something else which is undiagnosed at the moment)

Last Thursday had great trouble getting him dressed for school (well more than usual), he was hissing at me, kicking, pinching, punching me.

After school Thursday he tells me he wasnt allowed to go on a school outing because i didnt fill out the form. He also tells me he got a sad face on the board for strangling another boy, but that it didnt really happen as his teacher was dreaming. If i asked him questions about it, he just rambled and made no sense.

Friday - in hospital having some teeth removed.

Sat - Ds draws a map of his 'special place' and insist i take him there, i try explaining that its only pretend and you have to pretend to go there. He is having none of it and keeps going on and on about me getting my shoes on and taking him there. When i refuse, he goes and puts his slippers on and attempts to walk out of the front door to go there. (he has done this before)

Sun - He takes my older sons ipod and hides it (this is a regular thing so i know exactly where it will be) he then denies all knowledge of it and tells me 'George' took it. (George is an imaginary friend)

On Monday i tell teacher i didnt receive a slip for the outing and was wondering why i hadnt been given one or whether there was another reason he wasnt allowed to go. She tells me, i didnt need a slip as no one got one and that the whole class went. He still insists that he wasnt allowed to go and spent the day with a TA playing with a few others who also were not allowed to go on the trip.

I also ask her about the strangling another child as im not sure what to believe anymore and she confirms this is true and i wasnt informed because the school had dealt with it. (i know i need to speak to the school,im currently having a few problems with them,but thats another thread)

Also ds can never recall an earlier event or what happened yesterday without slipping in and out of reality and fantasy and he doesnt make any sense.

I have an appointment with a Paed on the 1st October would you wait until then to speak to someone?

Would you treat this more urgently?

Am i being overly concerned and a drama queen?

claw3 Tue 22-Sep-09 15:00:52

Also he is currently awaiting assessment for autism, does this kind of behaviour sound like autism?

claw3 Tue 22-Sep-09 15:09:01

Just spoke to the school and they seem to think this is normal behaviour for a 5 year old and that im making more of it, than i should.

Im starting to question my own sanity.

Barmymummy Tue 22-Sep-09 15:44:45

Hi Claw smile

Personally I don't think you are over reacting. There is a difference between a kid having a little fib and one who doesn't understand the difference between fantasy and reality.

I doubt there is much you can do before your paed appt seeing as its only next week so I would wait until then when they should get the ball rolling.

I am sorry that's not much use but I don't have much wisdom to give you blush. Hopefully someone will be along to help you soon that has had similar experiences.

Be sure to come back and post how you got on though so we can help/support you smile

Marne Tue 22-Sep-09 18:35:44

Hi, my dd1 has Aspergers and is the same age as your ds, she has a huge imagination and spends her play times playing super hero's by herself but she seems to know the difference between reality and imagination. She has got an imaginary friend (Marv) who has been around since she was 2 but if i try and join in with her game (say offer Marv some cake) she says 'don't be stupid mummy, hes not real'. Dd1 can't lie unless she really believes its true (a mistake), she can remember every detail of her day at school, if you ask her a question you get a straight answer (even if it gets her in trouble).

So i would say that there are some ASD traits there, he may just have an overactive imagination but its worrying when this could put him at risk (him walking off).

I hope the paed can help you and your son. Let us know how you get on.

claw3 Wed 23-Sep-09 09:35:30

Morning Barmy - Thanks for replying, the school's attitude is he isnt being disruptive in class, so he must be coping. He has only been at school 6 months and i cant help thinking to myself, you havent seen anything yet!

He is trying desperately hard to fit in and cope and its just not happening, it wont be long before he gets very frustrated. I can see it coming, all the signs are there, but the school still think im an over anxious mother.

claw3 Wed 23-Sep-09 09:44:26

Morning Marne - My sons imaginary friend as been with us for as long as i can remember and i always thought that ds knew he wasnt 'real', when people asked who 'George' was, he would say he is my pretend friend.

Very interesting,i like 'cant lie unless its believed to be true' that sums ds up, with the difference being between my ds and your dd i suspect, is that he actually believes that it is true in order to tell the 'lie'iyswim

So when your DD tells a lie, believing it to be true, when it is pointed out to her, thats its not true, can she accept that?

claw3 Wed 23-Sep-09 09:51:03

Marne - I would also add that i believe my ds imaginary friend is like his security blanket against the world.

I have noticed that at times of stress 'George' is around more. He has never taken 'George' to school with him, as he knows other children will laugh at him, but this morning he did.

School has been very stressful, he is being picked on and is having great problems getting changed for PE, he puts a blanket over his head every morning when we drive to school.

Perhaps he is retreating to his own little world more and more, to block out what is going on at school.

Also what is the difference between autism and aspergers?

Marne Wed 23-Sep-09 10:11:04

Claw, if dd1 thinks she is telling the truth she will fight it until i have to give in and agree with her (unless i can physicly prove she is wrong).

Dd1's imaginary friend seems to around if she is board (he was around a lot in the summer holidays but has gone since she has gone back to school), she used to play with her imaginary friend a lot at school when she had no one to play with and sometimes he apears if we go out (shopping etc..) so i suppose it is when she is anxious or stressed. For a while last year her friends joined in with playing with Marv but now she's getting older she seems to keep him to herself.

Both my daughters are on the spectum, dd1 has Aspergers and Dd2 has ASD, they are very different.

Dd1 can talk for england - Dd2 is almost non-verbal.

Dd1 has great communication skills and a huge vocabulary, she comes across as being older than she is but is actually very immature (she uses big words but doesn't always understand what they mean). Dd2 has very poor communication, she only understands 1-2 words at a time and finds it hard to follow instructions (dd1 can follow instructions but this may take a little longer than a NT child).

They both have sensory issues, both hate loud noises, dd1 is sensitive to texture and is a poor eater (very fussy).

They both like routine and find it hard to cope with changes.

I would say the main difference is with language and the way they learn new skills, dd1 is great at learning new things (a very good reader and loves drawing and writing) her sister struggles with pencil control and is around 1.5 years behind for her age, dd1 is almost 2 years ahead with reading and maths.

I think they tend to give a dx of Aspergers for children who show signs of ASD but with an ability to talk and communicate better than a ASD child.

claw3 Wed 23-Sep-09 10:42:28

Ds sounds like he is somewhere in the middle of your dd1 and dd2!

I suppose i should leave the dx to the experts!

Thanks for replying it has helped me to put things into prospect. I like the thought of just a very over active imagination

troutpout Wed 23-Sep-09 12:27:28

<<unclenches teeth and breathes>>
Sorry...just had to come on and say it makes my blardy blood boil when a teacher says ' Oh he must be coping because he is not disruptive'
Utter bollox
They just mean 'we are coping because he is not we won't bother giving him any extra help'

claw3 Wed 23-Sep-09 14:56:35

Trout - Another brilliant quote, i will have to use that one on the school.

As long as he only strangles other children at playtime and not in the classroom, he is coping!

On school mornings he puts a blanket over his head the minute he gets up and doesnt take it off until we are at the school gates. He hides behind me walking across the playground and doesnt want anyone to look at him, he thinks they are laughing at him. He then hangs onto my legs until the bell goes, then refuses to line up with the others.

When he started 6 months ago, he would hop and skip across the playground saying good morning to everyone.

He told me yesterday lots of kids, were hitting, pushing and throwing him to the ground, calling him weirdo and telling him to go away they dont want to play with him. A boy in year 4, pushed him off the wall. At lunch time, a boy kept snatching his lunch off of him.

He soils himself in school and wont tell anyone and is left to walk around all day like it. His lunch comes home everyday untouched.

A multi-assessment is suppose to be happening soon and all the school keep telling me is, if you could just hang on!

Im seriously thinking of keeping him off school until some action is taken.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Wed 23-Sep-09 15:09:53


ds3 has autism and does slip in and out of relaity- things like believing he owns the wrold and telling us exactly how long all the hosues took to build- if you challenge it he gets so very upset

I find if we play along he gets reassured and it vanishes until the next incident- am wondering if the hosptal trip is they key

trouput is right BTW, ds3 took a lot of fighting to get into an SNU becuase he would tune out rather than alsh out iyswim

claw3 Wed 23-Sep-09 16:18:30

DNPTRB - I often wonder what i am supposed to do or say.

I know exactly what you mean by playing along, ds's often hides things, like my older sons ipod, mobile phone, my hairbrush etc. If i ask him 'where have you put x's ipod' he will insist that he hasnt taken it.

But if i say 'did George take it', he will say yes and tells me exactly where he has hidden it!

To be honest im not sure what i am suppose to do, perhaps this is encouraging it.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Wed 23-Sep-09 16:29:33

DS3 has an exact script you have to adhere to-

'It'smy world isn't it?'

'Do you own the world'

'No jesus owns it (hangover from short spell in MS sadly), I built all the houses'

etc etc

claw3 Thu 24-Sep-09 07:51:16

DNPTRB - Sorry what is MS?

I think along with all the problems and sleepless nights, i will do anything that makes my life easier. Perhaps not the best solution, but certainly the easiest!

Im sure once my ds's assessment gets under way, there will be loads of different advice and strategies i could try, but for now i have no choice but to stick to what works.

DoNotPressTheRedButton Thu 24-Sep-09 08:34:30

Sorry-mainstream (school)

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