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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

I know this is the wrong place to start this but..............

(7 Posts)
bsac15 Fri 11-Sep-09 22:54:07

........... I don't know where to post this (and I really only look at this section for advice).

I have to break sad news to my 9yr old DD that her Nanna is dying (of cancer).

She knows she has been unwell, and been having some very strong medicine (chemo).

But the yesterdays results were not good.

Unfortunately, I do not get on with my MIL - but my DD is very close to her.

When my DD asked a few months ago if Nanna was going to die - I replied - we all die eventually - we just don't know when.

She seemed to accept that answer.

Should I continue with my usual brusque manner?
Are there any websites/ publications anyone can suggest?

I apologise if I have upset anyone by posting here.


2shoes Fri 11-Sep-09 23:02:38

why is it the wrong place?
I think it is probally the best way. dd is very accepting of death, she just looks at the ceiling now(heaven) I just wouldn't tell her the bit about her/you dying, bit TMI. I tell dd that she will be ok.

bsac15 Fri 11-Sep-09 23:08:10

Thx 2shoes.
My main concern is 4yr ago when my grandafther & our dog died, we went through nearly a year of DD saying she wanted to die to join them in 'heaven'.

I got really scared.

I got panicky and angry.

My 'family' have alot on our plate at the mo - DD1(9) in trouble at (primary) school. DD2 (2) having constant healthcare appts. And DD3 (1) is 'normal' but wearing me out.

I am watching my husband withdrawing in the last 24hrs, since he heard.

I'm not feeling very strong at the moment.

cory Fri 11-Sep-09 23:20:16

Oh I am so sorry for you. sad

But I really think the best you can do is to prepare your dd as gently as possible. It will help her if she can feel involved in what is going on and that she is allowed to grieve on equal terms with the adults.

We saw this close at hands as ds's friend's Mum died earlier this year of cancer; his friend is 9, like ds. The thing that I think got him through was the openness of the family: the fact that he had had the chance to talk to both his parents beforehand about her dying. And he had counselling at school as well.

My ds has been confronted with death twice. This was the second time- worrying of course, because it was a Mum dying, and also because he was very fond of the lady- but at the same time, there was a real sense of the whole community grieving together which I felt helped.

The first time was worse as it involved finding out (by accident) that his lovely swimming instructor had been murdered by her boyfriend a few days earlier. Ds was 5 at the time and that really threw him; he behaved oddly for a long time afterwards and had a lot of pent-up rage. But he got through it in the end, with our help. And I think having faced great sadness when he was little, with support from the loving people around him will help him later in life.

bsac15 Fri 11-Sep-09 23:21:42

Thank you Cory.

2shoes Fri 11-Sep-09 23:24:20

a few years back when dd was younger, I found out one of her class mates was going to die..
I prepared dd who was then about 8 by praying, each night we said a prayer, ds joined in and I told her how poorly T was.
when he died she accepted it. I found it really helped her to be prepared.(ds was really upset) I saw the difference when another classmate died, it happened very suddenly so I had no time to prepare her, she found that very hard to understand.
so imo preparation make it easier.

troutpout Sat 12-Sep-09 15:54:37

There is a website called whinstons wish
which was recommended to me for ds when his grandad died.
You may find it of use

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