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Had a tough time on Playgroup Duty

(15 Posts)
fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 12:49:20

Just a bit down after this morning and knew the people here would understand.

DD (2.10 and probably ASD) goes to a playgroup where they aren't really aware of her needs as they are not set up for that.

I was helping today.

DD obviously doesn't join in like the other children. The leader kept telling the other parents of new starters that "they just pick things up within one or two sessions"..knowing DD hasn't since January.

She always goes on at me about how they pick things up if you keep "training them".

Then to top it off, one of the workers was talking to another mum about how well her child had settled in and said "We had another girl here before who wouldn't mix or play with anyone" and the mum said "oh it makes you wonder what kind of interaction they are getting at home, doesn't it." Which went right through me.

Can't wait until October when DD can start at the nursery I visited yesterday, where the manager was SO caring about her needs and really understood.


fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 12:50:07

Fortunately DD enjoys it there and it has been good for her interaction, she has a thick skin unlike me!!!

TotalChaos Fri 11-Sep-09 14:03:26

thank god for your last line, indicating you are pulling her out of there, how awful that the staff are so insensitive to you and your DD.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 14:06:04

Yes, we are just waiting for her 3rd birthday when she will hopefully get some more support.

Have agreed with SALT etc that this playgroup is just for some respite for me and to allow her to be exposed to other children a bit.

I don't know if they are just ignorant, insensitive, or think she is just "spoilt". I suppose I could tell them about her ASD but she doesn't have diagnosis yet and I find it hard to talk about, and was worried they'd ask her to leave as they are not set up to deal with her. sad

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 14:08:06

I would think that staff trained in childcare should appreciate that a child has some difficulties when I had to explain that she was coming home thirsty as she was unable yet to ask for "more drink", though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 14:14:53

oh also, not waiting for 3rd birthday through choice but because that's when she will get a place at the state nursery with support provided.

TotalChaos Fri 11-Sep-09 14:19:28

I think even if they are a bit useless they should still have more basic kindness about them iyswim, DS's first private nursery were pretty rubbish tbh (his manager once wailed at me "I just don't know if he's not understanding me or not obeying me" hmm) but they at least tried to be kind. I think before 3 it is terribly easy for everyone (including ime HVs and GPs) to sweep language problems under the carpet. Can completely see why you don't want to talk about the ASD assessment if you feel they are a bit clueless.....

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 14:24:00

The manager yesterday was SO different, in fact I did not mention ASD and just "communication difficulties" but she clearly could tell and was being very tactful just mentioning "very special needs" etc.

She really appeared to care about DD's welfare, and not just the NT children, unlike the playgroup manager.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 14:26:24

I nearly burst into tears on her in fact when she introduced me to the dinner lady and said "she will understand what you are going through as her granddaughter has just been diagnosed with...err "special communication needs" too" and they were both all sympathetic to me.


Jo5677 Fri 11-Sep-09 15:26:57

A bit of kindness and empathy goes a long way doesn't it. Reading your thread made me think back a few years now.
Before my son was formally diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum people at his nursery used to speculate that maybe he was a bit slow because his mum (me) wasn't able to pay him enough attention because she (i) had a daughter with a terminal condition that was 4 years older than him. Implying that because of looking after her that i didn't have the time to sing nursery rhymes with him and teach him things.
Comments like that used to crush me,it wasn't just members of staff that used to say things,it was other parents too.
I'm glad you've found a nice nursery she'll be able to attend in the future,take care.

notfromaroundhere Fri 11-Sep-09 15:35:12

Sorry the playgroup has been so unhelpful and roll on October for the new nursery place. It is awful your DD wasn't getting a drink, don't they have a set snack time?

Much like TotalChaos (I do like to join her on a good moan about rubbish preschool education wink ) DS1's first preschool was utter crap regarding his communication difficulties although we did find he started communicating with us more when he was there. Unfortunately he wasn't able to tell me how lost he was there. It all came to a head after they took his toy away from him as he "wouldn't say thank you so I am giving it to you [me] instead." This was after a 6 week break, in a new premises as they had moved and he had never spoken to the staff from the April - July that he was there (they told his SALT that but not me).

He has been at his current preschool for nearly a year now and from day 1 they have been supportive and understanding. He has really really come on amazingly and I was all but walking on air this morning after one of the preschool staff gave me a run down of his latest "firsts" there since coming back after the school holidays.

Keep us posted on how your DD gets on in her new nursery when she starts.

TotalChaos Fri 11-Sep-09 15:59:50

I would cultivate the dinnerlady, it's useful to know they are keeping an eye out for your child at lunchtime, when they go full-time wink. fortunately one of DS's dinner ladies used my bus stop, it was very reassuring to chat to her, and find out that DS was doing fine and playing with the other kids.

BethNoire Fri 11-Sep-09 16:11:01

Sounds like you have found a nice place for her to go to fanjo,she'sreally lucky.

This whole thing about 'how much intereaction do they get at home'- I think it stems from three things (just IME<ds3 now 6 but was seen as SLD for a while before we got the Autism DX after 3 years):

1. Sheer lack of knowledge. That one doesn't bother me too much- lpenty of things I don't understand as well (though I do try and be generally kind).

2. A desire to find reasons for tohr peoples bad luck that don't aplly to them, in order to 'protect'themselves

3. very rarely a desire to be competitive; a 'friend' has a child I now realise has less ASD than she'd like others to think as she has a victim complex ( promise its based on far, far more knowledge of the wholefamily unit than that, not just a random judgement) and every time she met ds1 she'd try to explain it away (his ASD) as my fault- 'Do you never cwtch him?'- well no I said, cwtch sunds like cuss him in English and I didnt speak Welsh at all then (and very little now). So she tells everyone it's my lack ofaprental invovlement which is a joke as he sahred my bed often and we like our cuddles- just I need to be spoken to in my own dialect PMSL. She stopped speaking to me altogether when ds3 was diagnosed and needed a palce at SNU, which si when i got what was going on.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 11-Sep-09 17:14:47

notfromaroundhere - they have a set snack time, but give them a tiny bit of milk etc and they have to say please and thank you etc and ask for more if they want any more.

Which isn't ideal for DD, apparently she doesn't always sit at table either for her snack, although with a tiny bit of perseverance I managed to get her to sit there and eat.

jo5677- That must have been extra hard for you, and so unfair sad

TotalChaos - I will try to get chatting to her!

BethNoire - I think you are right, and your "friend" doesn't sound great, I had a "friend" who I always suspected was only friends with me as she wanted DD to be friends with her DD, she ignored my last text asking to meet up, she could just be busy but I think it's because DD is no longer a friend possibility sad

TotalChaos Fri 11-Sep-09 17:50:39

Jo - sorry you had to deal with crappy comments when you must have been going through such an awful time.

Fanjo - I think that's downright appalling about the more/please/thank you - they sound completely clueless about any sort of "invisible" disability, again I think thank god she's out of there soon.

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