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How do yous top sn taking over your life????

(15 Posts)
Blossomhill Thu 02-Jun-05 12:52:47

I know that may sound like an odd question as obviously it is a big part of all of our lives. However I do have friends that seem so much more relaxed than me and manage to put the sn on the back burner.
I just feel that I spen far too long fretting and worrying about dd's sn that I actually overlook all of the things she can do. How can I try and lead a normal life without allwoing the sn to take over?

Fio2 Thu 02-Jun-05 12:54:51

learn to enjoy the pleasures of alcohol

Blossomhill Thu 02-Jun-05 12:57:13

I do that already Fio

Bethron Thu 02-Jun-05 12:57:14

Message withdrawn

Eulalia Thu 02-Jun-05 13:12:45

If I get like this then I just reduce my expectations of what I should expect my ds to be doing. I think because he has 'mild' SN that sometimes I forget and regard him in the context of what is 'normal'. If I take away those expectations then I am not disappointed when he doesn't reach them. Of course he has his own set of expectations but I try to keep this on his own terms. It's hard when he is in a mainstream school and is the only autistic child there.

An example was a school play his class did at Easter. They all lined up and did various acting and singing parts in front of all the parents. It was quite simple but ds just stood there in the line with a totally blank expression on his face. Only at the end did he pretend to be a tree growing. I found it quite hurtful in a way as the difference was so obvious. However at the end the teachers were saying how well he had done compared to Christmas when he wouldn't even take part in any of the school production. So just taking part is a step forward for him and of course he did do a tiny bit of acting.

Looking at it like that I did feel a lot better. Also it reminds me that he is progressing in these 'social' areas even if it is very slowly.

Do you keep a diary or notes? Sometimes this can help to see how things are improving. And of course keep on focusing on the positive not the negative. Easier said than done of course.

HTH

lou33 Thu 02-Jun-05 13:14:10

I don't let it, simple as that. Ds2 is a child first. There are times when it gets too much, but he is my son and a great little man first and foremost.

Thomcat Thu 02-Jun-05 13:22:02

Same as lou. I'm just not one of life's worriers. It's already been commented ont hat I see life through rose tinted glasses, and I do. I can't help it, i'm generally a positive person, I have my bad days, I like a rant as much as the next person, but on the whole I live each day as it comes and always find the silver lining, and always remind myslef that I don't have it that bad 9wnen I feel like I do0, that there are milliuons, trillions of people far, far worse off than me. I count my blessings and realise that, when all said and done, I have a healthy and happy child, a DP who loves me, great friends, wonderful family, a job I enjoy, money in my back pocket and a roof over my head.

TC x

coppertop Thu 02-Jun-05 13:22:28

Eulalia's diary idea is a good one and something that I wish I'd done with ds1. I've been making short notes since ds2's assessment earlier this year. When I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed by all the SN stuff I look back and see that he really has made progress, even though it's not always particularly obvious.

Do you have other interests (besides alcohol ) that you could fit in around everything else?

Blossomhill Thu 02-Jun-05 13:29:56

Please can I just add that I love dd loads

Fio2 Thu 02-Jun-05 13:42:02

of course you love her loads BH! why wouldnt you????

you are allowed to feel like shite occassionally, that is totally normal. Just try not to let all the bad take over from the good. I am sure it is harder when you child is in mainstream school and the difference is most probably more obvious. I find going to my dd's school is very grounding and it seems to be for alot of the parents. We all feel hard done to though sometimes, it is normal aswell

Thomcat Thu 02-Jun-05 13:44:21

oh I'm glad you added that then BH, I was seriously doubting your love for her then!!! (NOT)

anniebear Thu 02-Jun-05 16:50:12

Blossomhill

Sorry, I wont be much help, I am exactly like you, I worry and am upset about Ellie lots

Let me know if you find the answer!!!!

Chocol8 Thu 02-Jun-05 20:54:37

You know, I ask myself this question sometimes (usually once a month at that time) and 99% of the time I do feel lucky that we (ds and I) have a home, food and we're relatively healthy.

Recently, my Dad wanted to take ds out to Legoland without me - in a group of others and I said no way would that be a good idea. He is ok on a 1-2-1, but gets over excited and totally out of control when there are other children around. My Dad said that I was over reacting and was wrong, that he could cope and that ds would be absolutely fine....

Today, my dad and sister took ds and nephew to the zoo....bad move. They had a terrible day with him and he was really hard work. They were knackered when they came home and Dad said he would never take ds out again.

Now compare that to yesterday - my Dad took ds to the local park, and taught him to ride a bike without stabilisers in the morning (I was gobsmacked!). He then went to a cycle route opening event where ds made a small speech and cut the ribbon to open the route and had his picture taken for the newspapers. He loved the attention of course - who wouldn't - and coped really well.

Two completely different days and of course no one at the opening would have ever guessed that he has AS/ADHD. They just wouldn't have recognised him as the same boy if they had seen him at the zoo today!

Bloss, I'm being rather round the houses here, but what I am trying to say is that we are more aware as parents than anyone of our children's SN's and then in turn worry about them - it's only natural. I really wish I could be more relaxed and laid back like Lou and Thomcat, but it is in my nature to worry about my little man. I can see he has made terrific progress even since starting his new school after Easter, but still I worry.

As the saying goes - some days you're the pigeon - some days you're the statue, but that does apply to parents with NT children too.

I wrote on my calendar that ds learned to ride his bike for the first time unaided and I am so proud of him - it is a real accomplishment, and a massive one for him and I am very proud of my little man.

I have droned on for long enough Bloss, and waffled alot, but do you see what I am trying to say...or have you fallen asleep yet? x

Chocol8 Thu 02-Jun-05 20:56:28

Blimey - that was one to rival MrsF !!! Where is she by the way, she seems to have gone AWOL again!

RTKangaMummy Thu 02-Jun-05 21:02:06

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