letting off steam

[leamac]

why because i have a special needs son is my whole life under scrutiny

my son has Dcd and is doing just fine, however I got called into to school to discuss his progress and was bombarded with questions as to why my son does not attend local youth club, surely even a child with dcd has the right to choose which after school activities they want to go to, the teacher and support staff spent 40 mins discussing how to get him to go, even though I made it clear he chooses not to go. At one point it was aid that sometimes you have to just say right you are going, isn't it hard enough forcing him to go to school everyday where life's a struggle without forcing him to to go to clubs he isn't interested in

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[daisy5678]

Yes, your life becomes public property

However, with something like this, I guess they have good intentions, getting him to socialise etc.

I think the price of getting good advice and help at times with an SN child is that shit advice goes along with it. It's our job to sort out the wheat from the chaff and we can just smile sweetly and say thanks for it all while mentally discounting the stupid stuff.

[AngryWasp]

Yeah, - I don't tidy up any more or even check the loo is clean for visitors, - we've had so many. My perfectly healthy dd is being 'monitored' for poor weight gain because it coud be a sign of neglect given I have a ds with SN. Social services have asked to see his bedroom twice too

I hate hate hate that people make us feel defensive of our parenting. No other parents get questioned and questioned and questioned the way we do. And the solutions proposed are always so simple i.e. 'you need to MAKE time to do it' - erm phew thanks!

You're right leamac! Don't let them get you down. Send them a letter if it makes you feel better and tell them that all future discussions about your ds you want in writing from now on.

[daisy5678]

There is something to be said for maintaining a good relationshp with the professionals who work with our kids though! I personally would reserve the 'everything in writing' request for something that they've done that's really serious!

By all means, tell them that you'd like a little less heavy-handedness, but they probably were only trying to be helpful.

[Jo5677]

Hi Leamac and Angrywasp, i can really sympathize with you. I've had 12 years of 'help',intervention from ss because my daughter was born with a terminal condition and i have a son with autism.
I've been made to feel like my life isn't my own half the time. I'm a pretty capable person and have felt nothing but patronised by most of the 'help'. I do have good relationships with all people involved in 'helping' my children and some of them are genuinely nice people,that said given the choice i'd still rather have felt my life was my own. If i said this to the proffessionals though their alarm bells would ring and they'd wonder what i was trying to hide so i just don't bother. When i see things in the news like that Baby P tradgedy it doesn't really suprise me,i think half the time ss are to busy barking up the wrong trees. I once got asked if because my lawn had become a little over grown it mean that i was struggeling to cope....lol,no,it meant my lawn mower had broke a fortnight ago and i'd not had the money to replace it yet ! Meanwhile children are living with known drug users etc but ss would rather come round and drink my coffee and eat my biscuits, i think it's a sorry state of affairs really. I've not long been on this forum but it's kind of nice to see other people feel the same about some things,take care x

[moondog]

It's a bizarre situation. People with kids with SN and people with SN kind of have to be better than everyone else.

Everything is scrutinised and analysed. I call this the pathologising normal behaviour. So, if you have some dort of SN, you aren't just being naughty/lazy/angry sometimes. Oh no, you have 'challenging behaviour'.
Even parents get sucked into it, in turn pathologising their children's behaviour.

[AngryWasp]

My GP told me on the phone that her computer said my DS had challenging behaviour.

This is because he has ADHD.

I told her he has autism not ADHD and she said 'same thing', still challenging behaviour.

WTF? She's never met him actually and define challenging exactly? Sometimes Autism means that you have exceptional regard for the rules and always do as you are told! I suppose that IS a challenge because I have to teach him specifically to argue back, - but I don't think that is what she meant.

givemesleep Is right about the letter writing btw. I'm narky atm!

[moondog]

Stupid woman

[moondog]

Never expect a GP to tell you anything useful or factually correct about SN.

Bunions check
Contraceptives check
Constipation and piles check
Varicose veins check

ASD/SN/CB and so on. Forget it.

[leamac]

thanks everyone I feel better not.

it doesn't usually annoy me but i just felt their was bigger issues with my son like reading and writing rather than whether he attends youth club for an hour a week, I know these people are trying to help and most of the time they are really good, it would just be nice to feel like a normal mum rather than the mum of a special needs kid