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LSA nightmare

(12 Posts)
iwearflairs Sat 05-Sep-09 07:41:03

OK, so I was cock-a-hoop on Day 1 about DS having a great day and yes, on day 2 he is still enjoying school and really happy. Which is the main thing.

Unfortunatley he did kick and hit the LSA 5 times yesterday and I don't think she is handling it well. I don't like it either when DS does this, but it is a new thing. The problem is she is REALLY PISSING ME OFF.

First, she seems to have decided that she and the teacher are going to make the decisions re DS's sticker charts and when and what will be implemented and when DS will be left alone in the playground so she can have breaks. I said I would like to be involved (important with DS re: clarity on rules and what he has learned in the past)

Can anyone tell me what the normal chain of command/line of communication is between parents, LSA and teacher and SENCO?

This is a situation where we are paying for her to be there, so surely I am supposed to be involved in all decisions

Also, I do think this is a lot to do with negative language and giving 'I want you to' 'You can't do this' 'Don't do that' rather than making requests indirectly, which is bringing out his tendency to become defiant.

Now for the worst bit: DS told me on coming out of school that he had a sore bottom because the LSA had made him sit down by pushing his head 'really hard'. There may be an element of exaggeration but DS does not lie, like so many AS people. Also, he slipped on the stairs later in the day and cried because he said he fell 'where it hurt before', so it really must be a bit sore.

I actually think I am going to have to find somebody else. Do any of you know how to handle this? I want to keep on the right side of the school, obviously, and maintain non-panicking mother credibility.

Any advice gratefully received.

iwearflairs Sat 05-Sep-09 07:51:38

Forgot to mention that when I said I would need to be involved in decisions re what DS is asked to do, she said she would 'just cc me'. AIBU?

streakybacon Sat 05-Sep-09 08:35:25

<Can anyone tell me what the normal chain of command/line of communication is between parents, LSA and teacher and SENCO?>

Well, in my experience parents come right at the bottom of the chain. You are shit on their shoes and have no right to be involved in your child's education wink. How dare you assume otherwise!

Seriously, in both the schools my ds went to it was a struggle for me to get them to accept even the concept of parental involvement. They wanted to make all the decisions even when they were visibly screwing him up due to lack of awareness of his condition. I get the impression that parents have to be part of the problem rather than the solution - they seem to be able to handle it better that way. They want to keep us out of the picture because they have the professional training (hmph) and assume they know better than we do.

Sorry, I'm still quite bitter about all the crap that happened to my ds. I know some people have excellent experiences in school with good relationships, but it's not how it's been for us. I think you will have to be very firm with the Head and demand to be involved in all decisions about your child, otherwise you will take matters further. But the problem is that unless your son tells you exactly what is happening in school, you may never have the information you need to fight his corner.

Good luck, and I hope you get something sorted about the LSA.

Phoenix4725 Sat 05-Sep-09 09:00:24

Ds seems have a nice Lsa but she is totally clueless and already am seeing ds disappearing into his own world and shes like oh he plays so nicely on his ownhmm .im like erm he needs enganing and being able to communicate would help as there not up to his signing level.

But I am going be right pita and am lucky that am in a postion to stay and help till a they get training B the salt gets in and 3 till i demand very early review im keeping notes to hit lea with

iwearflairs Sat 05-Sep-09 09:29:32

any thoughts on the head pushing scenario?

streakybacon Sat 05-Sep-09 09:43:59

Again, I'd ask about it - probably take it to the Head in first instance - but my experience has been that excuses were made that the child had misunderstood and of course the teacher hadn't done x or whatever. I KNOW this doesn't happen everywhere, I KNOW we've been particularly unlucky with our experience, but it seems to be common that such things are glossed over and you pretty soon get a reputation as an awkward parent. Unless you can prove that something happened to your child with witness statements, I doubt your concerns will be taken seriously.

daisy5678 Sat 05-Sep-09 10:19:15

Are you paying for the LSA yourself? shock. If so, you are her employer and she had better consult you about stuff! Even if I've misunderstood that bit, you do have more rights than to be cc'd. I think decisions about sticker charts and breaks are likely to be ones the school should have more say over, but they should consult you. In reality, this might often mean that they put something in place and then you say errrr, no, that won't work and get them to change it.

I worked round this by getting it put in J's Statement that they have to meet me and write a behaviour plan at least every half-term and that we have to have a home-school communication book. It helps a bit, but it also helps to have an on-side teacher and LSA. I would put the request in writing for you to be consulted rather than cc'd about major things in the interests of consistency between home and school. But the majority of things will have to be decided by the school because they can't consult you about everything. I guess just spell out which things you want consulting on.

The pushing head thing: tbh, having a violent boy who can be very difficult to physically manage does make me a little more blase when he says things to me like so and so pushed me. Because I trust the staff who work with him, I figure that they happened for a good reason, because J was out of control, not in a punitive way, but just because he was flailing everywhere.

Hope things improve.

iwearflairs Sat 05-Sep-09 12:07:18

I know it is shock, givememoresleep and I would have thought so too about being consulted.

I think we are going to have to put something in writing

Also, I don't think anyone could call DS a violent boy (hope it stays taht way) He has started hitting in the last 2 weeks and kicking he has reserved for the LSA so far. He has never flailed, as such. I really think this was a loss of control on the LSA's part because she wanted him to sit down.

I am definitely going to go to the head with a formal request.

daisy5678 Sat 05-Sep-09 12:11:16

Why are you having to pay for an LSA yourself? Is he not statemented?

iwearflairs Sat 05-Sep-09 13:37:49

No he is not statemented and my DH is totally against having one, which is a pity imo because it makes them less accountable, but on the other hand DS is quite high-functioning despite attention deficit and I may not get the hours I would like for him anyway, so decided to bite the bullet. I have a sinking feeling that we will regret not having one.

daisy5678 Sat 05-Sep-09 16:53:41

You must persuade dh to get him a Statement. Apart from saving your money, it also gains him a lot more protection legally at school and also will gain him more understanding from people, easier to get extra time etc. in exams as well. It also gives you a legally enforcable set of things that the school must do.

I really feel for you but you must start pursuing a Statement. If he needs 1:1, he needs 1:1. Having a Statement won't change that, but it will make it cheaper and give you and him much more power (wrong word, but ykwim) over the school and how he is educated.

As a parent of an SN boy (and also as a teacher), I can honestly say that the Statement is one of the most essential documents for any child in mainstream school.

J is high-functioning too, btw, but the advice still stands.

vjg13 Sat 05-Sep-09 21:18:06

I totally agree with the advice on obtaining a statement. It will ensure he gets any help he may need from outside agencies eg SALT too.

It will also put things on a more formal level with the school in such that you will have an annual review and he will have an IEP. It may seem early days but there is also his secondary school to consider.

IME my daughter's old school was very reluctant to involve the parents in any decision making. I would be very careful in how you mention the pushing incident because some of the TAs can be very defensive and things can turn sour very easily < thinks back to when one of my comments in the home school diary allegedly made a TA cry blush>

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