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worried about how other child react?????

(24 Posts)
anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 12:30:07

my Friends little girl is 4 (5 months older than mine). The other day she came to play, don't live very near so don't see them too much.

She wasn't very nice too Ellie at all. Every time Ellie went near her she shouted "go away" and would move away any time she went near.

I didn't show it but was quite upset.

Obviously she realised Ellie was a bit different and didn't play properly, maybe she was a bit scared of her. She is only 4 and wont have come across anyone with SN before and of course, they don't really understand at that age. But she wasn't very nice towards her. Poor Ellie was only saying "hello"

Its the first time I have seen a child react like that to her, maybe because we mix with a lot of SN children, but Ellie does do a session in a mainstream play group and I don't know of any problems there, or when we go to soft play areas.

It's upset me but also worried me, I thought Kids of 4 were quite accepting and if Ellie went and did some sessions in a mainstream School that they would be ok. I'm not naive and know kids can be nasty but I thought more when they were older.

Am I totally wrong? I am worried now that this may be the normal reaction from 4 year olds (although, again, no probs in pre school)

If children are going to be so horrible to her from such an early age, maybe she would be better off staying full time at her SN School?

misdee Wed 01-Jun-05 12:41:38

my dd1 at the age announced that girl she saw on the street looked scary. it was only when i looked round and saw the girl had DS did i relaise what she meant. i tried to explain it to her but its hard. dd1 is fine with people with learning probs, cerebal palsy etc. its something unklnown to them, and tbh sopme kids do get scared by diffences. its up to us and their parents to eductae.

misdee Wed 01-Jun-05 12:42:11

i dont mean that the girlk wioth DS looked scary, just understood dd1 point of view

anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 12:51:19

I know last time she came round to play she was not very nice to her so I suggested to her Mum what she might say to explain and she has done.

I know Kids don't understand, but I didn't expect them to be horrible at that age.

Ellie doesn't look any different and doesn't do anything to hurt others (except her Sister!!!) Just hasn't reached the stage of imaginary play so she doesn't play the same as others.

Didn't expect others to yell "go away" every time she went to say "hello"!!!

Bethron Wed 01-Jun-05 12:55:45

Message withdrawn

Thomcat Wed 01-Jun-05 12:57:10

Ohhh how horrid for you and your baby girl hopefully it was more a case of this little girl being a horrid little madam and acting a bit silly as opposed to her being cruel becasue she knows Aniie is a little different to her. I wouldn't have thought that this would be a common problem tbh, and althought i'm sure some children can and will be nasty sometimes I would think, or like to think, this is the exception rather than the rule.

Luckily so far Lottie is, is anything, a little too popular at school. However her cousin was a bit odd last time we saw her. She asked a few times why Lottie wasn't walking, why didn't she get up, why wasn't she talking and asked for the ball npot to be thrown to her (lottie) when we playing in the garden. I just said to her 'J, everybody is different darling, and l will walk, she's just taking a little but longer that's all, but it doesn't matter and she can still join in and have fun with everyone else' and then i fought back the urge to kick the ball just a little bit too hard in her direction

anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 13:00:40

Hiya, Im fine considering its half term!!

Suppose it depends on the nature of the child.

I would encourage Grace to and she is great, but she comes across lots of SN children. I'm glad she does, at least she will grow up aware that not everybody is as we 'expect' them to be and that some people have been porrly etc

But again, depends on the child....enough said!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 13:03:02

Yes TC, thats what I was thinking!!!

I supose theres a lot more ahead to deal with!!, will have to get used to it.

Just hard as it was the first time.

Oh the joys........!!!!

jenkins88 Wed 01-Jun-05 13:07:49

TC -

I had something similar happen to DS, but it was in the waiting room at the GP surgery. I had to fight back the tears at the time and spent the rest of day ranting to DP about it. I think it would have hurt a lot more if it had been in my home.

In the end I just put it down to this little girl (in DS case) being a bit of a madam and that not all kids are like this.

Bethron Wed 01-Jun-05 13:10:42

Message withdrawn

coppertop Wed 01-Jun-05 13:23:08

I think that children like this little girl are in a very tiny minority tbh. I wouldn't choose a particular kind of school based on the actions of this particular little girl. I agree that she sounds like a little madam.

suedonim Wed 01-Jun-05 13:32:09

I'll confess that my dd has reacted unfortunately to a little boy with DS. It was at a weekly music group we went to and dd would cry and run away whenever he went near her. I tried and tried but she refused point-blank to play together with him and other children even in a group. Dd was about 18mths-2yrs at the time so it wasn't a case of her being brattish. He was a year or so older and a big, aggressive and noisy but non-verbal lad and I like to think she was reacting to that rather than DS. He didn't appear to notice, thank goodness, he was always too busy charging round the hall at 100mph! But it was very embarrassing, though he attended the group, not with his mum, but with a mutual friend. Dd has never shown any awareness of DS in other children so I hope it was his demeanour rather than the DS that provoked her reaction back then. I've lost touch now the children are at different schools, which is a shame, as I'd love to know how he's getting on.

anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 13:56:46


At that age she wont even have noticed that he had DS, It will have just been because he was quite noisy, just as the next child may have been.

anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 14:02:42

Going to answer my onw question now!

Come to the conclusion its the child!!

Graces friend has just called round to play, they are upstairs and I have let Ellie up for a bit.

Ellie has just said "Hello Ailish" and Ailish said very nicely "hello Ellie" back to her!

anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 14:14:38

Just heard Graces friend say "I love you Ellie"

Arrrrrrrrrhh!! Nearly had a tear or two!! feel a bit happier now!!

RnB Wed 01-Jun-05 14:43:31

Message withdrawn

misdee Wed 01-Jun-05 15:00:58

oh thats lovely!!

aloha Wed 01-Jun-05 15:02:25

What kind of parent lets their child be so rude to ANY other child? I'm quite shocked by that.
If she was on her own, I think you are totally within your rights to tell her to stop saying it, that it is extremely rude and she will have to go home if she can't be nice. I suspect this horrid little girl is horrid to all sorts of children, not just your Ellie.

motherinferior Wed 01-Jun-05 15:06:45

I'm with Aloha. I honestly don't think my four year old would react like that. She's not perfect, and she might ask some questions and/or expect Ellie to do things 'her' way, not Ellie's - but she wouldn't shout like that.

MandM Wed 01-Jun-05 15:11:39

Agree with the others Anniebear - although this child is abviously the daughter of one of your friends, it is up to your friend to make it very clear to her daughter that that kind of behaviour, towards anybody, is unacceptable. There has been all sorts in the media recently about parents taking full responsibility for the behaviour of their own children and it has to start at a very young age.
Glad to hear that Ellie and Grace have also got good friends that value them both as individuals as well though. Good luck with the rest of half term BTW!

Blu Wed 01-Jun-05 15:15:06

I'm in the same queue as MI and Aloha.

I think a certain 'nursery / reception class' mob rule sets in and children seem to start calling each other names, and the whole 'You're not my friend' phenomenum starts at about 4, but I am shocked by a parent who does not intervene and put a stop to it. DS would never initiate being horrid to another child like that, whatever difference was or was not apparant. He might ask a forthright q, but he would not be unfriendly at all.

puddle Wed 01-Jun-05 15:21:39

anniebear I don't have much experience of this but wanted to say that young children are very accepting - there is a child with special needs in my ds's reception class and it is lovely to see how he is part of the gang. They do notice what is different about him but it is always in the context that we are all different - he needs extra help with some things and so does my ds. Hope this doesn't sound too pollyanna-ish.

Agree with all the comments about this child being a madam by the way. Shockingly rude and she needed to be told so!

anniebear Wed 01-Jun-05 16:23:12

TBH her Mum did tell her off then had a quiet 'through gritted teeth' word with her.

But I do agree that at 4 (and she is bright, seems a lot older) she should at least be able to understand a little that Ellie has been poorly, can't do the same as her etc etc and shouldn't have been so nasty to her

Thanks for all your replies


Davros Wed 01-Jun-05 17:13:08

My niece used to find DS a bit scary when she was about 4, I suppose he was in many ways! She is not a madam at all, she just found him unpredictable and he didn't interact with her. She didn't say anything but I could see she found it hard so I would just say to her "I know he seems a bit alarming but he doesn't know how to play blah blah" and my sister would help explain. She did get upset about him once and my sister really told her off and gave her a hard time about it for some time, in fact my sister was very upset about it. Since then she's come to accept him and is very nice to him and protective of him. She and her friends at school (she's just turned 9) are very typical and have their fallings out, best friends, arguments, fights etc but they are basically nice kids. There is a child with DS at her school and she was telling me about him a while ago. I don't think branding this child a madam is very fair tbh, maybe she is but I agree that children sometimes react this way at first and then learn to accept and even stop noticing differences and its up to us and their parents to guide them.

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