Probably would tell her to mind her own business, but I can see why she asked, in a way. It was probably nothing to do with Ellie and more to do with finding out what makes you tick. I do this with my friends all the time, ask them seemingly silly questions, and we have some right good discussions about it all!
i had a similar occasion and like Lou - I pushed it and asked the person why they thought/asked that.
This friend - supposedly a very good friend was shocked when I made a comment about child no2 just after dd1 had had her open heart surgeries. This friend was shocked that dh and I would consider having any more children. I asked her why did she think dh and I should not have anymore children..... she said because... I finally got her to admit that it would be terrrible if we had another child like dd1 - heart defect and down syndrome. I thought it was a strange thing to say - but since becoming pregnant and having dd2 - there were obviously a lot of people who also felt that way!!
Btw we are still friends - sort of - distance has made our friendship different. I did find it a strange thing to say though.
Hmm, think it would depend on the context and how good the friend was. I could imagine, for example, that if I was having a heart to heart with a very good friend about dd and her future and what it had in store and they asked this, I don't think it would be inappropriate.
If however it seemed more like she was just musing about our situation and asked the question a bit out of the blue - I think I would feel a bit shocked.
Would really really depend on the friend though. Actually, can't imagine any of my good friends would ever consider that we would put dd in a home, so difficult to say.
sounds like a classic case of foot in mouth disease.
you do get these crass comments from normally nice people sometimes, don't you... And again it shows that it's often easier to spend time with other people in the same situation....