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When lashing out stops and self harming starts. What do/can you do?

(10 Posts)
NinjaRain Wed 02-Sep-09 18:31:24

Ds (4 1/2) probably aspergers, isnt coping well at the moment. Normally this comes out in the form of yelling, hiting, kicking, biting, throwing, rudeness and OCD handwashing. He is not liking the impending change due to starting school and the closer monday get the worse he is getting. It had appeared that whilst he was ruder and shoutier then normal he was less violent. Until yesterday. He was lashing out and biting. TOday this has turned into him biting himself and smaking himself (generally around the head).

How can i help him. Social stories arent working -they are making it worse. Because at the moment he is reacting to trigger words like school, change, different or anything along those line. It is a nightmare. i cant even label his school uniform whilst he is about and have had to hide anything to do with school. The really odd bit is that if his dad (my ex) speaks to him about it he says he is not worried and he wants to go!?! wtf. anyone offer some words of how to stop this. He has talked about cutting his arm with his sissors (make light that it would be a bit silly as it would hurt and not sure that he really understood what he was saying) but we still have half a week before the dreaded day and i have reached past the point where i can cope. Advicce please.

mysonben Wed 02-Sep-09 23:00:44

Sorry can't think of any wise advice to give you. Just sending virtual hugs.
Bumping this for you.

daisy5678 Thu 03-Sep-09 00:06:45

J used to self-harm an awful lot, and it comes back worse when he is stressed. Unfortunately, you can't remove this source of stress: school. So I guess I'd go for distractions for now, making him feel calm, doing nice things and helping him just not think about school if talking about it stresses him and maybe you'll come back to talking about it at the weekend and then have to ride it out until next week. Hopefully, it won't be as bad once he actually gets to school - for J, the unknown is always worst.

Another thing - J often does the self-harm for attention - to show me that he's stressed, so perhaps acknowledging the stress without talking about the source of it is the best way.

It is hard - I hope it improves.

NinjaRain Thu 03-Sep-09 22:36:48

Thanks. I have just dropped him for a visit with his dad -lots of one-2-one attention that'll be fun. His dad doesnt have to do chores around him when he has him. SO hopefully that will help. I have discovered that it is the change not school that is the problem - he is actually excited about going to school but as fear and excitement manifest in the same way its always hard to tell. Will pass words on to my ex but between golf, fishing, visitng his gran, great gran, cousin etc i think he has distraction covered. I just couldnt cope with him at the mo and he doesnt see his dad due to distance so this was perfect option for both of us i think. Your wise words have helped alot thank you

Davros Fri 04-Sep-09 13:04:31

I have suggested before, a book available from the NAS called something like "when my autism gets too big for me". A friend whose DS has AS, no LD and is completely verbal found this useful. We have the reverse problem, DS only used to self injure but has started hitting out at others regularly (he has just turned 14), I am having a meeting with school next week to discuss.

saintlydamemrsturnip Fri 04-Sep-09 13:17:57

Oh Davros, DS1 has added hitting out at others (actually me in the main) to his repertoire. Usually when v v v cross and after he has given himself a big beating. Will be interested in recommendations from the school.

Davros Fri 04-Sep-09 13:40:05

It has come as a bit of a shock to me as I've always had "power" over him. He has never hit me before and only occasionally hit others but it has been a problem this holiday. I will keep you informed.

NinjaRain Fri 04-Sep-09 16:09:44

Thank you Davros. I hope you can find a way to move forward with your son to. Hitting out when 14 is a whole different ball game to when they are not yet 5. And that is bad enough.

saintlydamemrsturnip Fri 04-Sep-09 16:28:20

When does he do it Davros? Ds1 seems to have become a lot crosser recently when he doesn't get what he wants. I think he understands more about choice now, which I guess is good, but he now needs to learn to deal with dispappointment when his choices are not allowed.

maryz Fri 04-Sep-09 17:43:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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