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(12 Posts)
ki28 Tue 25-Aug-09 14:37:43

hi there,just joined mumsnet as im seem to be sendind myself slighty crazy with worry! since my 4yr boy started foundation stage 1 he is showing signs of asd?? we are just waitng for the app with the education pyhcologist(sorry bout the spelling). He seems to be really struggling socially at school and within big groups once the door shuts.He plays happly with the big groups when im stood there.It seems to have just popped out of nowhere. And am now worrying as he returns back to school for full days shorlty. he seems to be completley unaware of it all and loves school,learning. Im just completely at a blank with. thanks

sickofsocalledexperts Tue 25-Aug-09 17:45:30

To be diagnosed with ASD he has to have problems in three areas: language (eg is his speech delayed, or odd?); social (eye contact, turn-taking, friendship problems, does he play alone all the time?) and imaginative/repetitive play - does he make funny movements/sounds, or does he line toys up or play strangely/inappropriately with toys, does he lack imaginative play? If he has some of the social difficulties, but no language problems it could be aspergers. If he is coping at all at mainstream school, he must be mild - my ASD son would not have coped for 1 minute in school without his 1-to-1 helper! You are doing the right thing pursuing a diagnosis, as if he is even mildly on the autistic spectrum, there will be extra help and understanding given to him at school post-diagnosis, rather than it all just being about him being "naughty". I know some people don't want to "label" their kids, but I honestly can't share that viewpoint as to me it's just hiding from the truth, and in fact a label can get the child the help they need. I do feel for you, but you are taking steps in the right direction.

lingle Tue 25-Aug-09 22:27:47

So the teachers recommended you see an Educational Psychologist? Did they say why?

Has he not struggled socially before?

Are you in England? I didn't understand how a 4 year old would be returning to school rather than starting it - is he born at the end of August or something?

ki28 Wed 26-Aug-09 08:25:03

hi,thanks for your replies. he has been in the school nusery since last september just doing mornings. Out of school he has always played with the same few children,he went to a mainsream nursey while i was working and he seemed fine school they have spoke about his speech,so we have seen the speech therapist and they saw no problems with his speech apart from not being able to prononuce r but they said not to worry bout this till he was 7yrs. he has a slight lisp but she seemed to think it would dissapear once he got his big teeth. we have just had a hearing test done and he is suffering with glue ear,so the doc thinks that once this problem in resolved he may concentrate better as he will be able to hear clearly in both ears. School said they couldnt teach him sounds of letters. But i had been teaching him the letter names since he was tiny,but i have managed to teach him most of the sonuds within a few weeks. socaily he has been a only child untill 6months ago and hate to share,but is learning and i have been a very soft(!!)mum allowing him to be spolit which we are in the process of changing slowly. he responds to everything the same as other children of his age apart from the socail skills and sharing,which i think i may ahve failed to teach him. he has already changed so much do to the birth of his sister and has no touble showing affection. But he is just so anxious and worried when he is in school. He seems stressed and bits his nails terribley.Also they say he carn dress himself at school but e does at home. When i read what is written its like its not him they are writting about?? Its all just so confusing and if there is anything it seems to be mild,its just confusing. thnks x

lingle Wed 26-Aug-09 09:38:26

"When i read what is written its like its not him they are writting about?? "

I think many of us know what that feels like sad.

You sound like a great mum - do try not to think of this as you failing to teach something.

Sometimes social skills don't come naturally but they can be taugh (gently) just like anything else.

ki28 Wed 26-Aug-09 21:32:28

hi.and thanks for ur replies. i just seem to be confused abott how to treat or change things until the diagnosis comes through. To be honest just feel like packing up and legging it to a hippy comune!! xx

lingle Thu 27-Aug-09 08:43:52

yes, I know that feeling, you want to tuck your child under your arm and run for the hills. I more or less have done this in fact but that's another story.

ki28, when you ask him what the problem is at school, what does he tell you?

claw3 Thu 27-Aug-09 09:05:52

Morning Ki28, I know the feeling. My son has Sensory Modulation Disorder and we have been doing the diagnosis rounds since he was 18 months old and going round in circles with hearing tests, SALT etc, etc!!

What are the school doing about his problems?

It doesnt matter whether he has ASD. If they are telling you he has problems in certain areas, you should ask them what are their plans to help him cope in these situations.

ki28 Thu 27-Aug-09 09:14:20

hi,he says he likes school and that its real good!! he seems to not notice that he isnt included in the group play and playtime,as he much more enjoys make and do and building things.Which wen im in the classroom for pick up time most of the boys are doin this.He also is extremly tall for his age and seems to push people when he trys to join in tag abd other ganes,them gets told off for doing that so he is now even shying away from these games.He really responds to structed play. He crnt wait to start full days but the school that he may not be able to cop the full day. I completly disagree. As he goes away on holiday without me for a week at a time spends at least one night away from home a week at his dads. It all just seems so blown out of proportion at times.

lingle Thu 27-Aug-09 09:56:07

"It doesnt matter whether he has ASD. If they are telling you he has problems in certain areas, you should ask them what are their plans to help him cope in these situations. "

I agree with claw3. All this educational psychologist and diagnosis stuff is only good if it is leading to them working out a positive plan to help him. It may be necessary in itself it isn't help.

ki28, none of this is rocket science. To the extent that he behaves very differently at school from at home, there may be an element of sensory overload - ie he's getting overwhelmed. You and school could work together to identify his triggers for getting overwhelmed.

There are some very good books that help you teach your child social skills and this forum is a rich source of information. Take the pushing when he joins in: others on this board have been advised to deal with this by telling their child to imagine there is a bubble round other people - you shouldn't press on other people's "bubbles" (ie push people) and if someone pushes on your "bubble" you should bounce away.....

If you can figure out his "triggers" and work out a strategy and work cooperative with his dad and with school, that's the absolute heart of it all. And some of us (not me) have found that they only achieve this by going through a diagnostic process where you get several different experts to assess the child.

ki28 Thu 27-Aug-09 12:39:24

hi,thanks very much again for your replies. When he returns to school after the hols,that is when we will be working together with their action plan? They are forcoming with any information and help they can offer. But as you wellknow it is just overwelming at times. Am just trying to keep things calm and normal at home untill the return school as i dont really know what else to do. I began to read up and try and understand certian parts of asd that have been picked up on with him in hope that im a little more prepared when we go back to school. thanks again! it so much easier to speak and vent worries on here as my family and friends are all bit 'hel be fine' 'its just his age' trying to make me feel better,which i understand,doesnt really help though. I know myself being his mum that he does need this extra support its just a daunting feeling thinking it will be wrote on paper. Its good to get some positive and supportive advice from here. x

lingle Thu 27-Aug-09 21:48:35

Reading up sounds like a great idea, especially concentrating just on those "ASD-type" behaviours they've pointed out. There are some real experts on this forum and you can fire off questions here - people don't mind answering them.

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