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how do you explain lying to AS children?

(13 Posts)
iwearflairs Thu 20-Aug-09 23:04:48

Hello anyone who has ever broached this problem..

my DS (5) has AS and is so literal and emotionally vulnerable as to find fiction in books and tv and film almost impossibly distressing.

How he has a on a little girl in our street who is 3 years older and a bit prone to telling porkies and exaggerating -- unfortunately the effect is more often to have DS in floods of tears.

Today she told him her mothers car had been towed away and that they would have to pay the fine or it would be crushed which DS found highly upsetting, because he is a total sweetie and can't bear to think that would happen to this little girls's Mum.

I did actually say to him that some children had to learn to tell the truth and that this little girl liked to make up stories which weren't true. He changed the subject. Was that any good? Does anyone know how to handle this better?

He starts school in Sept and he is going to be so easy to tease. sad

Goblinchild Thu 20-Aug-09 23:34:28

It took a long time for the concept to be identified by my boy, and longer still for him to spot them. Don't know if there are any short cuts. Social stories and reading together helped, a lot of stories have deception in them.
We've done a lot of DVD viewing over the years, he's learned a lot through question and answer, between us.
'Do you think that's true?'
'Why is the boy crying?'
'Why did the girl say something that wasn't true?'
He still talks through scenarios on TV and in RL with me to check if he's got the right end of the stick. Increasingly, he has.
It is tricky, and it makes them gullible and easy to deceive and manipulate and get into trouble. Talk about it with his teacher before he starts.

iamunreasonable Thu 20-Aug-09 23:52:06

Ah i feel for you, its a tough one to understand for AS kids

Lots and lots of talking will help

asking questions that need a yes/no answer

do you think its true?

how do you think xxxx mum feels?

and so on......

(this might seem odd, the old tv show The Wonder Years - it has loads of different social situations, all explained really clearly in a half hour show we watched together it really helped us blush)

Goblinchild Fri 21-Aug-09 00:09:15

Oddly enough, when he was around 8 or 9, one of the shows he liked for this sort of exposition was 'My Parents are Aliens'
You can guess who he identified with! grin

iwearflairs Fri 21-Aug-09 08:21:53

ahh, that is really helpful, and maybe I can dig out The Wonder Years from somewhere.

Fortunately, DS does ask questions - relentlessly - if something doesn't add up. So perhaps this will help him.

Yes, I will tell his teacher and try a social story. And I will find a few stories with deception in them. I wish I could get him to watch tv and videos! He will watch the ones he watched when he was 2 but that is about it!

Goblinchild Fri 21-Aug-09 08:40:04

It's a bit like being a constant David Attenborough for the human species. smile
I've spent years with him talking about gestures, implied meanings, tone of voice and he's finding it easier to remember what different bits mean all the time.
Now he's more independent, he often uses his mobile to ring me and describe what's going on, so he can check whether he's interpreted a situation or a phrase correctly. Or to ask what he should do next.

colditz Sat 22-Aug-09 14:49:13

I identify so strongly with "David Attenborough on the human race"!

iwearflairs Sat 22-Aug-09 20:11:12

I can see I am going to have to step up my role as interpreter for DS. Lol at David Attenborough, as least you didn't say David Bellamy...

iwearflairs Sat 22-Aug-09 20:18:49

btw, goblinchild, if you are still around, how old is your DS?

LilyOfTheMountain Sat 22-Aug-09 20:23:48

It does vary though, one of my auties (DS1) lies almost constantly: although when we looked into it we found there were always specific reasons. DS3 doesn't lie he's the more severe).

So the reasons- with ds1, his understanding of social interaction is hugely flawed so he doesn't 'see' the world as we do. For example, he might hit someone who nudged him accidentally then claim they hit him on purpose- after years of <<sigh>> we realised ds1 really does see it that way. His lack of empathy also means that he cannot understand why his way is not king at all times, and if he needs to create lies in order for us mere mortals to accomodate his wishes then so be it: means to an end.

He is literal, prefers fiction etc but they are his lesser traits, his I think social stories btw are the best way for dealing with lying- SALT assessments dor aise SPD but his more evident trait is very pedantic and flat language.

DS3 OTOH simply wouldn't think of lying. It's funny how they are both so clearly spectrum, yet different in so many ways as different traits come to the fore and personalities shine through.

I think social stories are well p[alced to cover lying, maybe a few instances of why soemone might- white lies as well as big fat porkies for mischief / attention / playfulness. I'd make a point of coveruing different scenarios as you don't want the child to view a white lie 'oh I like your hair' <not> in the same way as 'No I don't know where your money is' <thief> or 'daddy is a bit tireed and can't come' <Daddy is at home cryinga s he lost his job but I am too distressed to say>


daisy5678 Sat 22-Aug-09 20:37:39

Lily, you put that so well about your ds1 - that's just what J lies for: to retain control, as a means to an end. But he can't identify others' lies or reasons why people might lie, so I don't know how I'd have explained the OP's situation any better.

LilyOfTheMountain Sun 23-Aug-09 09:45:20

Absolutely GMS

Am on a mission atm to show the true breadth of autieness! After meetuing several kids lately who were clearly on spectrum but not absolutely classical I've decided people need to be aware that is actually encompassesreal people and not stereotypes nly LOL

iwearflairs child is absolutely classic, and so the social stories is IMO the best route- but don't they just vary so much!

Goblinchild Sun 23-Aug-09 10:19:18

iwearflairs, my son is 14 1/2 in mainstream and has no comorbids or learning difficulties.
It's just the AS that causes the conflicts and issues with the NT world.
Which makes it harder for some that come into contact with him to cope with or even understand.

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