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Please, those of you with older children, give me some hope..........

(15 Posts)
Blossomhill Wed 25-May-05 22:47:29

Dd will be 6 in August and I feel that this year her communication difficulties have actually got a lot worse/apparent and I can only see things going even further down hill the older she gets.
She has absolutely no idea of social skills and today showed that infront of the whole school. There was a cake sale and E bought 7 cakes. Well afterwards she was running around in the playground and I noticed her picking up a cake from the floor and eating the paper as well. I was shouting at her not to do it and of course we had an audience. It was so horrible and really hurt me as other girls her age were looking at her funnily. She often eats things from the floor and I can tell her until I am blue in the face but she still does it.
So please tell me that eventually dd will start to learn some kind of appropriate behaviour as if not I am off to buy some mansion on a deserted Scottish Isle!
I really do feel that the future looks bleak right now. Am off for a weekend away and am dreading it. I always feel anxious being anywhere new with dd but don't know why.
Thanks as always for listening

aloha Wed 25-May-05 23:15:32

Oh, Blossomhill, I can't offer any help or advice, but you sound so down and I'm really sorry. What do her teachers say? Where are you going for the w/e?

marthamoo Wed 25-May-05 23:28:13

Aw, hon - no experience or words of wisdom to offer (I'm just stalking aloha!) but I'm sorry you are so down - understandably - about this. None of us wants to feel our child is not 'fitting in' - whatever scale that might be on. You're a lovely person, and I bet a lovely Mum - I hope things get better soon. It sounds like you may have to develop a slighly thicker skin - though I'm buggered if I know how. If not, I reckon I might join you on your Scottish Isle - I've always liked the idea of a MN commune I hope your weekend is better than anticipated.

Davros Thu 26-May-05 08:46:41

I expect you're feeling extra tense about the weekend BH, I really hope it goes well.
You won't be surprised to know that I can't give you those words of comfort about the future . I can say though, my sister could function a lot better and probably fit in quite well if she'd had the understanding and support you're giving to your DD. Maybe something like eating from the floor is something you should try to target, get help from the school if poss or are there any other local profs, e.g. psychologist who could give advice/suggestions? OR you could ask your Afasic group. I would have thought that maybe social stories would help and she could help you make it which she might like.
It is a specific thing you can identify that marks her out and bothers you so I would try to target it, turn it into an opportunity and not a problem m'dear (said in best school marmy voice).... cliche, cliche cliche,

Jimjams Thu 26-May-05 09:28:03

Is your dd under a clinical psychologist? We saw one years ago and school have just referred us back as they said the notes fro me in the home school book were getting increasingly frantic

I doubt the CP will be able to tell me much new but it will be usdeful to have someone to bounce ideas off and to help decide which behaviours to tackle (and how) and which to leave.

As for the future- can't help you out there (although I find not thinking about it to be a useful strategy and its why as soon as I get on a mnet thread where everyone is saying "it gets easier as they get older" I leave very quickly!) I'd recommend reading Thomaas Sewell's books though, lots of positive case studies in there and I suspect that a lot of them are quite relevant to your dd.

Fio2 Thu 26-May-05 10:09:33

just take a day at a time, if you fret too much about the future it will drive you mad

i have said 'it gets easier as they get older" and tbh it isnt true, new things pop up all the time, in our case anyway

Blossomhill Thu 26-May-05 10:12:04

Jimjmas you have mentioned those books to me before but I can't find them!!!!

Jimjams Thu 26-May-05 10:40:48


binkie Thu 26-May-05 10:59:12

BH, ds (similar age to your dd) does the eating things off the floor thing too. I completely sympathise with your feelings of helplessness, too: it's always as if it was the first time this had ever happened.

We have a huge list of things to address with ds, and I have realised that it is just going to overwhelm us if I try to deal with all of them all of the time - so we just have to choose one or two while the rest wait. So for instance, for the next month (or until he gets it, which'll probably be longer) I will be putting all our effort into just two things: being able to tuck his shirt in; and remembering to get out his bus ticket.

One step at a time, hon. And your dd does have such good days too, doesn't she?

roisin Thu 26-May-05 11:26:15

Hiya Blossomhill! Sorry you're having a down day. I know it's easy to say, but really you just have to take one day at a time. Worrying about the future is a hopeless exercise.

I know exactly how you feel about the stomach lurching moment when other children look at your child as if they are an alien from another plant. DS1 gets these looks all the time (mostly because he sounds odd when he talks, and says unusual things, and because he leaps around with arms and legs flailing everywhere); especially when he's in new situations - his peers are fairly tolerant.

Hope you have a good weekend away.

Blossomhill Fri 27-May-05 08:47:03

Roisin - the more you post about your ds the more he sounds like dd. Especially the legs and arms flailing everywhere. Is your ds very excitable, jumpy etc? My dd can also be quite loud when she speaks too.
Another big mistake was letting her read the horrid henry books. She is calling everyone horrid, crabby, sour etc after all of the characters. She even called one of her friends ugly . It sounds as though she is being horrrible but she is just mimicking the book so having to lock those away. Dh is off to buy some more girly books with her this morning such as Milly, Molly, Mandy etc! I just didn't realise how much influence books would have on her.

Blossomhill Fri 27-May-05 08:56:24

Thanks everyone else who replied. I still feel apprehensive about dd and do feel that her difficulties seem to be more apparent lately. The school said that dd hasn't got worse but it's just the other children's social skills have got better. If that makes sense?

Jimjams Fri 27-May-05 09:05:31

makes complete sense- that's why ds1 looked so normal at 18 months and so bizarre now (hasn't moved on from there).

Jayzmummy Fri 27-May-05 10:06:12

Awww BH Im sorry you are feeling so down. After your return from BIBIC you seemed so positive about things and now your feeling blue again.

I know how hard it hurts when your dd stands out from the crowd but you have to rise above it and focus on all the wonderful things she can do.

As for giving you hope that things will get all honesty I cant say they will. You'll master one problem with a new one appearing the next day. Have you spoken to BIBIC about the PICA. I know they are helping Yorkee with her ds's problem of picking things up of the floor. J use to do this but stopped about 6 months he is eating loo roll and news paper.

Have a lovely weekend away and try and enjoy yourself.

Thinking of you.xxxx

binkie Fri 27-May-05 13:20:26

Blossomhill, dd is a gifted reader isn't she? Has she tried the Laura Ingalls Wilder books? - Little House in the Big Woods etc.? - they manage to be interesting while also being pretty good influence for behaviour. Works for us.

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