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Did I really do the right thing ... are principles worth having?

(5 Posts)
AliceInWonderland Wed 25-May-05 15:48:28

I am not a regular poster here, but enjoy reading the lively conversations on here. I have had an option to do something lately that was against my principles, I would be interested what other people would've done in the same situation.

Recently DP mother, who is extremely well married for the third time to a former MEP and Lord. Well the mother wants us to move back to where they are, and I don't as I am just getting to the end of a lengthy battle with the LEA for DS who has AS, and am hoping that our care package will start soon and the much needed respite will start. If I move I will have to reapply for soooo much that I have hopefully got and I just can't face it again. DP mother knows someone in the LEA in their area and her husband is best friends with the Head of SEN at the same LEA, she reckons that she would be able to pull a few strings and that provision for DS would not be a problem in getting straight away.

I have turned her down, I don't really want to move back there anyways, I spend my life working with parents who are struggling to negotiate the SEN system, and I think that this is so unfair that I should be offered an opportunity for nepitism when there are sooo many other families who have to go through the battle, it totally goes against my principles, I could not look another parent who was struggling with an LEA in the face again. Unfortunately, DP thinks I am over-reacting a bit, and what harm can a little bit of help do?

I believe that all parents have the right to have their children educated according to their individual needs, not just those who happen to know a few of the right people. Her offer of help, deeply offended me and upset me, did I over-react? was this to principled? or is it just me? I don't know, I feel guilty even talking about it, let alone being offered it.

AliceInWonderland Wed 25-May-05 16:49:18

What I forgot to say was, in reality I don't think that she could actually pull any strings, as these decisions are made by a panel and not just one or two bods, I think she was talking out of her a**e and it was just a way to get us back up there.

Davros Wed 25-May-05 17:28:27

AIW, I seriously doubt that she could do much as you suspect. I agree with you about the principles although, if you had been turned down for everything, it would be very tempting to give it a go and I wouldn't blame anyone for doing that in the real world although I'm not sure I would. I suppose we all use influence whenever we can in these situations as I certainly think things get better the longer you know Education and Health profesionals and build up a relationshp so maybe that's less fair on new people but it is human nature. They also get a feel for who they accept as reasonable and who they respect over the "high maintenance" and unappreciative parents they come into contact with, it must influence them a bit. I think the main point is that you don't really want to move back there, you've just got on top of things and want to stay put.

AliceInWonderland Wed 25-May-05 17:56:02

Thanks Davros, you're right about the main point, I don't want to go back there. But I was really offended by her attitude that she felt she could wangle one for me, I do seriously doubt she could do anything either. You are right about the building up of relationships with professionals, but this is all part of net-working that we do to survive and secure appropriate provision. Sorry also to those who are just starting out on this route, but it is human nature. It just bugged me that she felt she could do this, sorry I did need to get it off my chest.

Davros Wed 25-May-05 21:37:28

Oh gawd, mothers-in-law! Keep well away is my advice! In the nicest possible way, hee hee.
With our situation I wouldn't dare set a toe outside our borough....

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