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Advice needed, AS ds, and separating from Dad.

(2 Posts)
therealme Sat 01-Aug-09 22:19:20

Hi, I have been posting on the relationships board because I have been living in an abusive relationship for many years. With the help of people from a parenting site where I live I have now realised that I need to get out, fast. My h has, I believe, a personality disorder so there is going to be no sitting down over a cup of tea to discuss separating. When I leave it's going to be with little notice to my h, and also for my 3 dc too.

My biggest worry is that I have a 10yo ds with Aspergers syndrome. He was diagnosed a year ago and around that time was having great difficulty within the mainstream school that he attended. I have since moved him to a school that caters for Asperger boys and the difference in him has been amazing. He has really settled and because school transport is provided he will remain where he is.

But..... He loves his Daddy despite being on the receiving end of some harsh punishments for not agreeing to comply with h's controling behaviour. He moved to this house when he was only 3, so it is the only home he has really known. He has one friend, who lives a few doors away, who accepts him for who he is and spends a lot of time with ds. Like most children with AS he doesn't cope well with changes. His sleep can be severely disrupted while he tries to make sense of things going on around him. He is pre pubescent and struggling with his feelings, especially the guilt he feels for 'upsetting' Daddy.

How in gods name am I going to protect him from the fall out when I eventually move out? There will most certainly be a backlash from h. He thrives on revenge and there is no line he won't cross with regard to me, possibly my dc too. I spend sleepless nights worrying about my dc, especially my ds with AS. This is going to be so so hard.
Has ANYBODY got any advice for me?

luckylady74 Sat 01-Aug-09 22:31:31

His life will be better in the end- I have a ds with as so I really do sympathise.
You are doing the right thing and he will adapt in the end.
I'm sure school will help I would think if you tell them the whole story. - how fantastic that you found the right school for him.
My ds's only friend has just moved schools and I think it's unlikely they'll keep in touch-my ds seems to be coping fine with it-he seems to move on quite fast.
I wouldn't hold back from telling your ds after you've left that though daddy loves him sometimes daddy was very naughty and it wasn't ds's fault- that's what I'd do with my ds anyway.
My ds always takes his duvet, favourite books and so on on holiday and that seems to help settle him into a new room.If you and his 2 siblings are there it will feel like home very quickly.
Sorry I'm not an expert.
Well done you for getting out and good luck.

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