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distressing day (sorry long)

(6 Posts)
mimsum Fri 31-Jul-09 23:31:34

ds2's had a horrible day today

he's been on a cricket course all week - cricket is his 'thing' at the moment, lots of lovely statistics and you don't actually need to be too sporty!

up until today, I thought it had been going pretty well - he wasn't talking to anyone and seemed in a world of his own a lot of the time, but that's pretty much situation normal (he has dx of Asperger's)

however, I arrived to pick him up a bit early today - all the boys were sitting in a line waiting for a mini prize-giving ceremony. As I walked in, I saw ds in tears and was just in time to see the boy behind him aim a vicious kick at him. Virtually all the other boys in his group (7, 8 and 9 year olds) had turned on him, were calling him names, calling him a loser, he was crying and telling them to stop it, which made them do it even more, he then lashed out, which made them thump and kick him I wanted to get ds out of there, but he wouldn't go.

I had a word with the coach at the end, telling him how angry I was that the bullying hadn't been stamped on right away.

This evening I tried to go over what had happened with ds to see if we could think of better ways to react in future. Poor little lamb was crying and asking why people tease him

I hadn't told the coach about his difficulties, partly because I don't want him to be labelled and for them to be looking out for problems, and partly because most of the time I forget how odd he can seem to other kids. At school (mainstream with statement) he's been with the same group of kids since nursery (he's 9) and he's really popular in his class - they all know him, he feels comfortable and they see the happy, funny side of him. He'll display some quirks but basically in his class there's nothing really out of the ordinary in the way he behaves. However, out of his comfort zone it can be very different, although not always

Should I always tell any adult dealing with him??

And what's really upsetting me - is he always going to be bullied? he's very tall and thin and looks quite gawky (arms and legs go out at odd angles when he runs) so sticks out like a sore thumb which makes him an even easier target - and if so, how can I help him deal with it?

mysonben Sat 01-Aug-09 00:24:20

I'm sorry your ds had such a bad time today.
Not easy for you either, it must have been quite upseting to witness the bullying. sad
Kids can be so nasty sometimes...
I wish i could offer you good advice but my ds2 who is asd is not yet 4, so haven't experienced that sort of nastiness yet.

The only thing i can say is my ds1 (nt) who is now 16, went through a phase of bullying when he was 12, on his way to school he would be picked on by these 2 kids, so i followed ds1 one day and caught the kids red handed doing the bullying, i gave them a piece of my mind... nasty blush. But i never said i was ds1 s'mum.

If and when ds2 ever get bullied ,i will step in , and very likely inform the responsible adult in charge (teacher or else) about ds2 ASD and expect them to be vigilent over bullying, because it is not acceptable.

My ds2 is already tall and skinny for his age, and he does run funny too, like Mr.Bean ...bless him wink

1dilemma Sat 01-Aug-09 00:36:52

oh that sounds really nasty your poor ds
I'm shocked that the coach didn't put a stop to it right away

I'm not sure I have anything practical to suggest I err on the side of telling the adult especially if it is a long/open thing (cricket course vs eg trip to cinema IYSWIM)

TotalChaos Sat 01-Aug-09 09:33:01

your poor DS and you. I'm also appalled that the coach didn't do anything to sort this out, presumably it should have been obvious unpleasantness was going on. probable is sensible to tell an adult in this sort of situation - where should be in loco parentis for an extended amount of time.

mimsum Sat 01-Aug-09 09:52:57


ds seems quite perky this morning so I'm hoping it's washed over him in some ways

however, I'm still really shaken - couldn't sleep last night for worrying

It is a real dilemma for me as to who I tell about his condition. I think a lot of people just see the diagnosis rather than the child, and especially if they're not experienced in special needs might get worried about dealing with potential problems.

it's worse cos dh is away so I can't talk it through with him

flyingmum Sat 01-Aug-09 11:34:14

You poor thing. I had the same thing happen to my chap at the same age on a swimming course. They did stop the bullying and did know about my son's aspie and sen but didn't think when it came to handing out awards and didn't explain what was happening to him so he went up for the wrong award and stood there like a lemon. When I tried to call him over he then had a MASSIVE HUGE public tantrum infront of all the other mummies the full works. It was probably rank as one of the worst days of my life.

I do tell people now about his difficulties but not in glorious technicolour. I usually focus on the dyspraxia and lack of listening more than mention the A word. I, like you, am very very sensitive about who I tell and how much I tell. Only a few of our friends know and very few of my colleagues at work. I wish I could be out and proud but it's not in my nature.

Hope you feel better soon and sending virtual hugs.

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