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Devastated once again by report...

(13 Posts)
mysonben Fri 17-Jul-09 18:25:13

Just picked up ds from nursery and i was asked to sign the form for parental consent for his EP referal. Along with the form was a covering letter from senco .

Again mentions of "ritualistic behaviours " , many tantrums including arm wawing/flapping, 'obsessive behaviours", resistance to change,... the lot!!! sad
Even the salt who had a meeting last week with senco , is concerned about some of the behaviours ds showed in her clinic. Salt also confirm sli with semantic/pragmatic difficulties.

It seems all the people involved only tell us the parents, half of what they really believe.

Salt never mentioned to us in the last 6 weeks that she had concerns over ds 'behaviours.???
On the contrary she always gave me the impression that she thought that ds only had a language delay and nothing else. Well my impression was wrong it seems.

Nyrrem Fri 17-Jul-09 18:45:42

I really feel for you MSB. Seeing stuff written down can just completely wind you, especially if you're not expecting it.

5inthebed Fri 17-Jul-09 18:56:04

I hate seeing stuff about ds2 in writing. I usually find a few glasses of wine make reading it a little bit more easy.

amberflower Fri 17-Jul-09 19:15:14

It is horrible reading anything 'formal'. I sympathise! We are completely 'reported out' at the moment - multi agency assessment report, outreach report, school report - and even though I know how lucky we are to have got this early intervention, I've hated the lot. Feels as if this term has been one long sequence of professionals telling us that our child is a dyfunctional failure (I am exaggerating/being over-dramatic, but that is what it feels like).

We too were told verbally by SALT that all had gone well during assessments and she was 'really happy' with DS. She then focused on ASD traits in her part of the report. Maybe they just don't like telling us stuff face to face?

lingle Fri 17-Jul-09 19:24:59

Maybe many of them trained in days when you didn't tell parents?

lingle Fri 17-Jul-09 20:11:36

"ritualistic" and "obsessive" are such nasty words aren't they? No-one calls biting your nails "ritualistic" and it's the same thing.....

BriocheDoree Fri 17-Jul-09 20:24:55

Try to be positive. It hurts, but putting it in black and white is what starts getting him the help he needs. I remember crying about a report for DD saying she had a "incapacity rating" (what they call it here) of between 50 and 80 per cent. This was in a letter agreeing to fund her speech therapy. So even though it was a good thing, it still hurt to see it written like that!!

mysonben Fri 17-Jul-09 20:35:07

Thank you ladies for replying and understanding. I've already opened a bottle btw! wink
Amberflower- I feel the same as you , since ds 'verbal dx back in april, i've hated reading these reports from the paed, the 2 sencos, even the one from ds's teacher was a heartache.
And the process is only begining, we have more appointments and assessements to follow in the autumn. I know it is unavoidable and necessary to get the help ds needs but still it's stressing me out so bad.

Lingle- yep "ritualistic and obsessive" are nasty words when you know they are used to define part of your child. sad
My nephew is OBSESSIVE with his football iykwim? yet no one bat an eyelid at the fact that about half of the uk male population is obsessed with that game! hmm

lou031205 Fri 17-Jul-09 20:44:03

Try to remember that your son is no different now than before you saw the report - he is still your lovely Ben smile

nicky693 Fri 17-Jul-09 20:57:36

We always try to have a sense of humour about our sons many reports. He was labelled as 'obsessive' but we thought at least he keeps his bedroom tidy with cars lined up and everything in its place, never an untidy bedroom drama in our house!!! lol.

Sometimes when your child is having all these reports and assessments done, professionals seem to go by the book to much and sometimes look into minor things to much. Every child has their quirky habits but because our son has Autism and ADHD the habits are sometimes emphasised too much and labelled as abnormal!!

Dont worry too much, I paniced when we started getting all these reports coz I couldnt believe that i thought my son was slightly delayed as he was our first so had nothing to compare him to. However I was told by my sons Paed and Occ Therapist that they like to put everything in detail and emphasise behaviours so your child gets the best help poss at school.

I know how you feel but try and look at it from a humourous point of view, it works for us anyway.

mysonben Fri 17-Jul-09 21:06:36

Yes taking things at the first degree won't help. Usually we try to see the funny side to some of his behaviours and quirky ways.
I agree that these medical professionels will go and pick out the smallest thing and brand it immediately as a "behaviour" ...

Soon ds won't be able to break wind without us getting a report on it!!! ha ha ha i'm joking! (the wine is working!) grin

amberflower Fri 17-Jul-09 21:23:29

Make sure you have an extra glass for me mysonben...can't drink any wine at the moment as pregnant...not good time for DX from that point of view wink smile I am eating my body weight in chocolate, though grin

I agree, I think Nicky's points are really good ones. The professionals have to exaggerate every speck of 'evidence' they can to maximise the potential of help. I also think they have to exaggerate how your child appears compared to others in the group when, in reality, there will be a raft of issues/challenges/concerns amongst any class of children.

mysonben Fri 17-Jul-09 21:32:05

Amberflower i will drink a glass for you. wink
Will put another bottle in the fridge to totally drown my sorrows and some chocolate for my pmt!

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