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When did the other kids started seeing your dc was different?

(22 Posts)
mysonben Wed 15-Jul-09 13:37:29

Hi, ladies.
Next september will be ds (3.8 , asd) 's last year at nursery. He has made a friend there yepee grin( a little boy with a bit of speech delay but nt as far as i know), the other day as i dropped ds off , one of the older kid (who is leaving to go to reception) said "here's Ben ...that silly Ben!" ,do you think he said that because he has cottoned on the fact that ds is a bit different ?
i'm probably being paranoid (as always! wink) the kid in question must be between 4 1/2 and 5 , can children of that age already realise ???

bubblagirl Wed 15-Jul-09 13:54:19

no dont panic i know it sounds bad to hear but a child doesn't think in that way he probably makes them laugh and find him silly but not in a horrible way iyswim

coppertop Wed 15-Jul-09 14:02:53

With ds1 I think the other children started to realise in Yr2 or Yr3, so when ds1 was around 7 or 8.

I think at 4yrs old it's fairly common for children to refer to each other as silly and not mean anything by it.

mysonben Wed 15-Jul-09 14:07:27

Bubblagirl- yep iswym. I was hoping he had said that to share a bit of humour about ds.
I was surprised last xmas when ds brought home a lot of xmas cards since he didn't have any friends at the time and played alone most of the time.
It's only since the good weather has arrived that ds who has outside in the nursery garden has started running and playing a bit more with the other kids i was told by the teacher. smile

mysonben Wed 15-Jul-09 14:12:02

Gosh , my last post didn't make much sense. i meant to say ds seems to have come out of his shell a bit more since he 's been playing in the nursery garden and he has even made a friend iykwim.
Funny how his friend has a bit of speech delay, ds must find it easier to play with him than with the other kids who can speak well.

lou031205 Wed 15-Jul-09 14:14:21

DD1's friend (known her since birth) is 9 months older than her. She said to her mum, just recently that "DD1 is a little girl, isn't she?" The friend was 3.9. My (very good) friend simply said "No, DD1 is almost as big as you, but her brain is a bit poorly, so sometimes she seems younger." My friend's DD always looks out for DD1.

troutpout Wed 15-Jul-09 16:37:19

i would say it was about 7 or 8 at the beginning of juniors.

Seuss Wed 15-Jul-09 16:59:23

DS2 has recently started asking questions about why DS1 doesn't talk, he is 6. When I took DS1 to pick up DS2 from football the other boys were asking what his name was and where he goes to school (special school) but only in a curious way. Most of DS2's friends ask why DS1 doesn't talk and then get on and include him in what they are doing - haven't had any mean comments yet.

mummysaurus Wed 15-Jul-09 21:35:52

I don't think the under fives would necessarily pick up that there was a DIFFERENCE like adults would but i think kids naturally respond in different ways to different children

my friend's twin dcs are the same age as ds 3.6.While they haven't articulated in words that they see ds as different they certainly treat him like a younger child and look out for him(quite sweet actually) but then he is physically small as well.

Another 3.6 girl asked me and her mum why my ds wouldn't play the games as directed by her when we met up last week. I explained that he didn't understand what she was saying. i did explain to ds what she wanted but he still wouldn't do it - I think he'd had enough of being bossed around for the day wink

NT and non nt pre-schoolers from what I've seen are by and large a lovely bunch despite driving their own parents up the wall lol

mysonben Wed 15-Jul-09 21:55:09

Mummysaurus- I get the feeling ds is well liked at his nursery despite his aloofness at times, a lot of children come over to say hello when he arrives.
I also noticed how some of the children look out for him and try to help him sometimes.
This little girl went to get a bigger helmet for ds the other day as he wanted to go on a tricycle but the helmet he had was too small.
Also when ds cannot/doesn't want to speak at talking time on the carpet , the other children try to lead him to the answer or sometimes talk for him! wink how sweet.

mumslife Wed 15-Jul-09 21:58:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummysaurus Wed 15-Jul-09 22:04:01


its so nice to know our kids are in caring environments isn't it? And its great that your ds made a friend, that's a huge achievement

Widemouthfrog Wed 15-Jul-09 23:10:31

Ds is 6, in year 1, and his peers just seem to instinctively know that he needs a bit of prompting and guidance. He is 'mothered' by some of the girls. I'm not sure they see him as different, because they are so used to him and accepting. It amazes me the strength of some of their friendship to him when he can seem to give so little back.

Phoenix4725 Thu 16-Jul-09 05:36:44

my ds is just about to leave preschool for school this yearshock
and all the kids have been great ,the little girls seem to mother him luckily hes going to school with them all

ChopsTheDuck Thu 16-Jul-09 06:07:24

IME 'silly' si a huge compliment in 4yos! My 4yo dts and their friends seem to be going through a phase of vying for the position of funniest in the school, and silliness is a valuable asset! grin

ds is 7 now and before he was mostly mothered, but now people tend to notice he is 'weak' and they can push him over, etc.

lingle Thu 16-Jul-09 09:15:23

When DS1 was 4 I would get questions like "why doesn't he talk properly?"

lingle Thu 16-Jul-09 09:16:02

Oh and recently I had a 4.9 year old who was having a great time with DS2 at softplay ask me why DS2 didn't reply to him.

amberflower Thu 16-Jul-09 12:52:16

I go in and help in DS's reception class once a week - I don't think any of them have yet picked up that there is anything particularly 'different' about him, I think they just think he doesn't listen very well. Which to be fair is true, he doesn't!

There is another child in the class who is statemented and has full time 1:1 for ASD, and I think they are aware of her 'differences', but they are very protective and accepting of her.

I would agree at age 4 being 'silly' is probably a huge compliment grin

Lancelottie Thu 16-Jul-09 14:10:17

A few weeks back, I was asked by a 12-yr-old who has known him from birth why DS1 doesn't go to his secondary school (ans -- because he has full-time support and goes out of area to an ASD special unit). It honestly seemed to be news to this child that DS1 was anything out of the ordinary.

Great when they have familiar, accepting schoolmates, isn't it?

mysonben Thu 16-Jul-09 14:17:16

Thanks ladies.
If "silly" is a compliment amongst pre-schoolers then that's good grin
DS sure can act silly at times especially at nursery, when he starts his loud a bit manic laughter (for no apparent reason! wink) he is soooo funny and it's catching, he has us in stiches sometimes! So i guess the other children must laugh along with him ! LOL.

SunshineYellow Thu 16-Jul-09 14:31:13

My experiences of this, as parent of young children is that my nt dd1 recognised differences between her and one of her classmates in reception, but it was non-judgemental. It meant that she took care around her classmate, held her hand if they were outside the classroom, and stood up for her in the playground if she thought there was any unfairness going on. She wasn't prompted to do this by the staff. She also invited this classmate to her party, but never 'picked' her when they paired up to do work, as she always tried to get the brightest boy in the class to work with her instead. She asked me a few weeks into term why her classmate was 'different'.

My nt ds has just turned four. He is very gentle and caring towards those he thinks are younger or smaller than him (nt and sn), and does the holding hands/looking out for them thing too. He doesn't really notice the differences yet in a meaningful way, but does know that you have to be more gentle around some children than others, seemingly without being told.

I think what I am trying to say is that many nt children may recognise at quite a young age that not all children look or act the same as them, but they just accept it. I think it probably can get a bit tougher when they get to top infants, and start jockeying for status, but sensitive teaching and parental influence should be sufficient to guide the majority to carry on with their accepting approach smile.

meltedmarsbars Thu 16-Jul-09 23:31:38

Kids are great at this stage - one kid at about 4 asked why dd2 had "a straw up her nose" (ng tube).
If I'm in ms sch helping out on a day dd2 is at sn sch (she has split schooling), her classmates ask where she is - as if I've left her home alone!
I worry about her siblings - the oldest moves to high school in sept. will she be picked on because of her sibling?

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