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My DS is not allowed on school trip

(38 Posts)
Cosmo74 Thu 19-May-05 15:01:59

I have just had a phonecall from DS school - he is 5 (primary 1) and his class is going on school trip next week to a little farm - DS has been unsettled this week at school - don't know if this is due to new teacher who obviously doesn't like him.. or his change in fish oils. They said that he can go if me or dad went with them - how is that going to make him look/feel that he will be the only one there with his Mummy/daddy there also do not think I could spend the time with that wretched teacher...sorry to all other teachers out there but he had been making really good progress at school with his second teacher who he has had from Xmas until about 2 weeks ago - teacher 2 still takes him about 2 days a week - think they job share... and it was left to teacher 2 who is lovely and really helpful with DS to phone and tell me - I knew from the way she was talking that she did not agree with this but as teacher 3 is taking the trip with the class room assistant it is not up to her. They said that DS need one-to-one attention and they cannot provide this - suppose to have asked for a behavioural assistant to come in and help with DS but there is no-one available and we are still waiting on the assessment - from October, so DS has to suffer because of this.

I am so angry and sad at the minute - how do I explain to DS that he is not allow to go - that he has to stay at home that day?? and then when all the other kids are talking about it the next day and no doubt drawing pictures etc.. what is he going to feel like......Oh God it is all I can do to sit here in work and stop the tears from coming, but apparently it is nothing to get stressed out about... so they keep telling me - but is that just because they know I am 6 and a half months pregnant and loss a baby last year?

Oh I am so and

Jimjams Thu 19-May-05 15:07:41

can you really not go? I had to accompany my son when he was in mainstream and in between LSA's. I think it's usual for parents to accompnay school trips as well so there will probably be other parents there. They can get away with it btw as its a safety issue so doesn't come under the DDA.

Blu Thu 19-May-05 15:08:50

Oh Cosmo, sorry to hear this. Sorry, I'm not familiar with your little lad's needs - does he have a statement, because if he has, shouldn't he be able to have a support assistant to go?

It seems very discriminatory to ban him because they are unable to meet his special needs, and I think you should discuss this with the SENCO.

Would it be impossible for you to go? There may be parent helpers and other assistants, so it might not be so obvious, and better than him not going at all?

coppertop Thu 19-May-05 15:47:16

Oh no. Poor ds. It's so unfair.

dinosaur Thu 19-May-05 15:51:42

That is really rotten Cosmo .

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 16:02:07

Really sorry your Ds isn't allowed to go Cosmo, but as Jimjams says is it really not possible for you or Dh to go?

At my Ds's(he's in yr 1, mainstream too) school there is a waiting list for parents to come along on days out with the class. I've tried to get on the list and they aren't taking any more names.

I hope you don't mind me popping in to the SN section, but when I read your post I had to tell you about Ds's school. I really doubt the class would find it unusual to see you there.

SoupDragon Thu 19-May-05 16:04:01

Will he really be the only one with mum/dad there? All of DSs school trips require a number of parent helpers and they always have their own child in their group so it wouldn't look odd at all.

Cosmo74 Thu 19-May-05 16:18:10

I do suppose that I could go but the thought of having to spend a day with that teacher - she has made it obvious that she has no time for DS - when she first came back to teach him after the first day she complained to my Mum when she picked him up about his behaviour when my Mum said that his previous teacher took a little time to get him settled him she just said 'Well I have other kids in the class' ever since then when DS has her he has a bad day at school and there is always complaints when he is picked up - he is on an IEP and we have requested an assessment through the school and through the GP, I have spoken to the SENCO who invited along teacher 2 - and they both said that he has started to settle and we were not to worry - but since this teacher started back it seems as if we are back to the start again - DS doesn't seem happy again is constantly worried about his behaviour and the has already soiled himself 2 days this week - something he hadn't done from just after Xmas - HV told me this was to do with stress.

But I must think about DS and if I have to spend the day with the teacher as long as he doesn't miss out - I know he isn't that bad - his behaviour depends on how he is treated if she keeps telling him he is bold he will behave as a bold boy - we take him shopping every week and while he is no angel he is usually well behaved - will chatter, walk ahead a little but not too much and picks up some things but when he is told to come back, put it down etc he comes without tanturms - even in the toys section!!

DH and I will discuss it tonite and see where we go from here.

They also are trying to stop him using the school bus as they say that this is leaving him unsettled before he starts the day at school but he has been using the bus all year and loves it - this is the first we heard about it unsettling him so I pointly refused saying that he had no other way of getting to school. BTW another thing - since teacher 3 has come back he is not allow to take a drinks bottle to school as he squirted in one lunchtime - he has to take cartons with a straw instead - even though he has taken the same bottle from he started reception class in September 04 but now he is not allow to take it - she said if he takes his bottle into school she will take it off him and he will get no drink for lunch and will not get the bottle back.

sorry that turned into a rant but it feels better to get it off my chest.

And thanks everyone for your support.

Cosmo74 Thu 19-May-05 16:22:21

Soupdragon - Yes the only adults going are the teacher from hell and the classroom assistant, who is nice also - she has been the only consistent person there throughout the year and anytime we ask he how DS is getting on she says that he is not that bad - no worse that some of the other kids.

I honestly think that they would prefer if DS didn't go and think they would be shocked if I tell them that I am going - they know I am pregnant and probably know that his dad would not like to go if he was going to be the only man there but if I decide I do not care if I have to waddle/crawl about all day as long as my son does not miss out.

dinosaur Thu 19-May-05 16:23:36

Cosmo she sounds awful, truly awful.

Blu Thu 19-May-05 16:28:55

Cosmo, honestly, at 5, I don't think it will be a shameful thing for a Mum or Dad to go on a it possible for you to go? I bet he would be excitied, and you could tell him that you have been allowed to go along as a special treat?
If it's a work issue - well, goodness, I am sure pregnant Mums need a half day off for all sorts of sudden swollen ankle type ailments...

Blu Thu 19-May-05 16:29:42

Sorry, took me ages to make that post (interrupted) and the thread has moved on...ignore.

Cosmo74 Thu 19-May-05 16:34:04

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Davros Thu 19-May-05 16:52:17

It is stinky Cosmo but maybe not so unusual as others have said. I think you should "try" to see it as an opportunity to make this teacher get to know you and treat you and DS with respect, its much harder not to once they know you. If you think you can keep your cool it will be a chance to "educate" her as you have said.

miggy Thu 19-May-05 16:53:07

sorry to butt in but I would be very unhappy if my children were going on a school trip at that age with only 2 members of staff. Having been a parent helper on some of these I know how hard it is to look after 4 0r 5 in that situation-seems odd policy for school really?

Mud Thu 19-May-05 16:54:36

he certainaly wouldn't be the only child there with a parent though in order to do these school trips they need more helpers than just the teacher and classroom assistant. even if he didn't have SN, they would treat him the same if he was unsettled I think you're taking this to heart so much BECAUSE you are pregnant

SoupDragon Thu 19-May-05 16:55:28

I'm surprised there are no other helpers too. Is it a small class that only needs 2 adults?

Cosmo74 Thu 19-May-05 17:04:34

Mud - I don't think I am taking this to heart because I am pregnant - I am taking it to heart because since 6 weeks into school they noticed that DS had difficulities so they put him on IEP - this was in October since then they have only looked at his IEP/done anything when I contacted then - they only put in for assessment in February for him and they were even opposed to this - apart from teacher 2 - they told me that there was no rush..... but I insisted that they get him assessed through the school and have also requested an assessment through our GP but unforunately the waiting list is about 12 months - both his teacher at the start of the year and the head knew this so if they had of put in the request earlier maybe we would know what we are dealing with now. When the teacher phoned me today she said that they reason me or his dad has to go was that only teacher 3 and the classroom assistant were going and that DS needed one to one attention so I am only going on what she told me.

I really do not want to get into an arguement over this but also do not want peolple to think I am overreacting because I am pregnant - we have been having problems since October last year before I was pregnant and I just want something sorted for my son so that he does not have to miss out on things like this.

I have to go home now - hope you don't think I am having a go at you - will check in again tomorrow

Kelly1978 Thu 19-May-05 17:16:35

If I was in your position and couldn't face going along I would take ds/dd out for a nice day out somewhere else, so they didn't feel liek they were misisng out, and then they have something to tell their friends too, and draw pics of when they are discussing the trip. Whether or not u want to go is irrelevant really, it is really bad that the school haven't the provsions to take him, since he is a pupil at the school.

Davros Thu 19-May-05 17:16:46

Well I would have felt like you and I'm not pregnant! (not as far as I know.... )

Thomcat Thu 19-May-05 17:49:56

I think Davros is spot on with regard to making them get to know you.
So sorry you are being made to feel this way but put on the battle gear (I think they do a maternity one, I bloody hope they do!) and do what you have to do and as you say turn it into something positive, you go girl.

Jimjams Thu 19-May-05 18:01:56

Oh dear teacher does sound dreadful. I know that school trips are an issue and I doo think that mainstream schools make a bit of a fuss tbh (having seen how my son goes out once a week with his special school, all over the place, to cafes, playgrounds, the moors, garden centres etc). I guess they are worried about being sued.

Obviously an assisstant is needed for your son. And if they can;t take him there is NO WAY he should be at home- they should be providing something for him at school. Something I hated about mainstream was the way I was expected to take ds1 out all the time when they couldn't manage- I needed the respite.

Tricky one isn;t it, when I suggested going I assumed there would be other parents as well....

macwoozy Thu 19-May-05 18:26:10

I really feel for you Cosmo, not a nice situation to be in. Do you go and endure this awful woman, or do you keep your ds at home with you. TBH, I'd be tempted to go along with what Kelly says, that is to take him out somewhere nice so he doesn't feel like he's missed out.

As my ds is SN, I've been asked to accompany him when there are school trips, which I have done, but I do find it difficult when the other helpers realise that I don't really have much control over my ds .

Although I am surprised that the teachers have not asked for other parents to come along. Just two adults, that would worry me.

coppertop Thu 19-May-05 18:27:33

Only 2 adults are going with the whole class? I know that when ds1 went on his school trip to a farm the class was split up into small groups. I counted at least 7 adults on the school bus for a class of just over 30 children. Parents weren't invited to go along so I'm not sure who they all were tbh. A couple of children didn't go but instead spent the day with the Yr1 class rather than having the day off.

JakB Thu 19-May-05 18:27:54

Bloody hell, so and [shocked]. Agree with Jimjams, your son needs an assistant and it should be the school's duty to provide one. Talk about bloody inclusion

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