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Worried about ds1 again and what is happening at school

(13 Posts)
PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Tue 14-Jul-09 19:33:53

I know should be in education but seems so empty in there.

DS1 has found a solution to his playground issues. Isolation.

He now refuses to go out to play, and school are encouraging itso he sits alone with a dvd every lunchtime / playtime and has done for a few weeks.

I get that keeps other kids safe and I also know another child is a priority (kicking off big time- dont know why) bt itseems so wrong that he isso isolated by his own fear of reacting badly to bullying and extreme sensory overload


lou031205 Tue 14-Jul-09 19:37:13


maddiemostmerry Tue 14-Jul-09 19:48:33

Could he manage if one child was allowed in with him and session supervised by ISA. Lots of sympathy we have similar problems. Does he have a social skills club at school where they can talk through his difficluties and does an asd outreach visitor see him?

My son feels very lonely and it seems to be the sensory side of school that he struggles with.

maddiemostmerry Tue 14-Jul-09 19:50:24

PS Not exactly integration though is it and not helping your ds, seems a bit like the easiest solution for the school.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Tue 14-Jul-09 19:52:48

LSA's not willing to supervise at lunchtime, and he didnt see ASD outreach as I couldnt attend intro session as it was no children and I had ds4. AT least I presume thats the reason, it nevr came about after I had to decline that session.

He could copewith a child but tbh I feel he needs to learn the social skills supervised, this is no more than a stalling device until he is out iof their care- then what?

maddiemostmerry Tue 14-Jul-09 20:05:54

He does have a statement doesn't he?

My ds has very small group activities three lunch times a week, OT, Social Skills and a self esteem group. The others his ISA supports although the school at first were not keen as it's not educationalhmm.

We didn't have to meet the asd outreach man at all, he is just booked by he school to visit although we have met him subsequently.

I think if your ds has a statemnt I would consider calling a review, they should be preparing him for secondary school not fobbing him off.

Agree the learning of social skills should be supervised, your poor ds. This makes me cross, we make a huge fuss at our son's reviews about how much time and effort now will hopefully mean he is an adult with more manageable needs and greater self help skills.

Is your local area not good poor on the sn front?

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Tue 14-Jul-09 20:25:03

ds3 gets goodsupport in his snu but the local school specialises in academicexcellence and whilst ds1 tries, he doesn really 'fit'

He has10 hours small group yes, am thinking that if this continues after hols a review is needed. Will be a newhead then so she might be more amenable to lunchtime provision
makes me [sasd] as ds1 is obvioulsly trying, nobody seems towant to meet him halfway though

siblingrivalry Tue 14-Jul-09 20:31:56

Oh, Peachy, your poor ds sad
I think it's not uncommon, unfortunately, for schools to take the easy option.
When dd1 (AS) was at school, her sensory issues meant that luchtimes were awful for her.
Like your ds, she got no support and in the end it was 'suggested' that it might help her if I brought her home for lunch hmm

I really hope the new head is more helpful. Good luck.

daisy5678 Tue 14-Jul-09 21:24:22

Poor ds1. I think a Statement review is needed (presume that one of his objectives is to do with social skills, so asking for TA supervised time is totally reasonable).

Having said that, I know that J often sits on his own at lunch to listen to his iPod or read a book - he says it helps his brain to calm down after 'a hard morning's work' - his words! Then he might go and play for ten minutes. Other times, he plays outside for the whole lunch, but it gets him so stressed (all playground politics, pushing and shoving etc.) that it can ruin his afternoon. ALL J's lunchtimes and breaks are supervised as his Statement is full time and we've also got written into it the need for the TAs to praise positive behaviour and model positive behaviour and to intervene before problems build up. Still not perfect, but at least having it written into the Statement might avoid the biggest problems.

I would ask them now to arrange the review ASAP when term starts.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Wed 15-Jul-09 09:28:15

The senco wanted lunnchtime provision sorted, she arranged training etc but most of the dinner aldies plainly stated they werent interested and had no sympathy sad

I think youre all right, I do need a statement review, if the supervisors arent interested then what chance does he have? SENCO in fairness did seem really pissed off about it.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Wed 15-Jul-09 09:29:01

(Current Head also cancelled teacher asd training due to budgets but SENCO has apparently written into so many IEPs that new Head will be obliged to follow through next year wink- I do like her!)

maddiemostmerry Wed 15-Jul-09 09:37:26

What your ds1 says is very true. It is also wriiten in my ds papers that sometimes it is ok to be alone and not want to join in and that is perfectly fine. Down time alone is good if needed and wanted however the school just can't duck their responsibilities like this they've got to help him.
My ds has a friendship card and sometimes children are asked to volunteer to play with him and sometimes with help from the ISA he will choose someone.
Our ISA mony is spent well with input from us, next year some of it will be spent on a club to help my ds mature a bit and prepare for secondary and the school will pick children that are a suitable mix to join this group. They always ask our permission before using money like this.
I think it helps that our school is quite large for a primary and has a high level of sn or other needs children. The school are very open about needs and there a is a very holistic approach towards children involving everyone in the school. There are ups and downs but on the whole it works very well.
Good luck.

Widemouthfrog Wed 15-Jul-09 10:05:11

I sympathise with what is happening. DS1 was getting very stressed at lunchtimes when he was unsupervised and hasd been shutting down and sleeping in the library to cope. We called an early statement review in April because things were snowballing and the sleep was impacting in other areas. DS now has supervised play sessions, lead by a TA to encourage social skills - these are flexible, and are arranged according to how able DS is feeling to be in the playground. He has also been assigned a circle of friends, and he choses 2 each day to help him. If he does want to stay indoors then a nominated friend will stay with him, either at a lunchtime club or in the library.

Lunchtime supervisors were also trained, as inappropriate shouting had left him very stressed and confused. He does have TA cover on the playground, but she is not 1:1 (she is his 1:1 in class though so is very aware of him). Despite pushing I have been unable to get lunchtime 1:1 added to his statement, but the social skills/small group support at lunchtime is statemented.

I have to say, in the last few months his social skills have improved hugely because of the focus on small group work both in the playground and in class. This is almost more important than the academic support.

Call the review - it takes a couple of months to arrange and get the paperwork back through the LEA anyway.

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