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Parents evening tonight - feeling so cheesed off

(7 Posts)
debs40 Mon 13-Jul-09 11:18:32

Sorry, I've been posting and moaning about DS alot lately.

He's being assessed for possible AS or other SCD. He's 6 and bright and most of the time he is fine but there are clear routine/sensory issues and, I think, ever more clear communication issues.

He just seems socially naive and vulnerable to me - but maybe that's because I'm his mum!

Anyway, he got into trouble for retaliating a couple of times last week and I chatted to his teacher this morning. She said he was usually quite well behaved but that there was a lot of rough and tumble in the playground and that he did lash out sometimes.

The thing is DS tells me he doesn't like the playfighting. He tells me he doesn't like the games the others play. He doesn't seem particularly close to any child and I'm coming to the conclusion that he gets involved and mimics others but doesn't understand the 'game' and certainly doesn't like being hit or dragged. He doesn't know how to extricate himself from the situation.

I asked him today whether he would rather just go in and draw if they're all being silly and he said yes. As we approached class, he badgered me to ask the teacher so I did.

I told her all this and she was quite sympathetic and said staying into draw would be fine. Trouble is as we are miles away from any dx, I feel like I'm being a mum who is putting a diagnosis on something myself and is in danger of trying to explain away any bad behaviour with it.

I don't want to be an apologist for my son, but I am coming to the conclusion that there are communication problems there that they aree perhaps not recognising.

But what if I'm wrong? What if I'm now just starting to read things into situations which aren't there?

2shoes Mon 13-Jul-09 11:45:24

this is not my field. but try looking at it without the sn. a child can't cope for what ever reason with the rough and tumble, so you ask if he can do quiet "play" imo there is nothing wrong with that. I hope you get what I mean. not all children like doing the same thing and I think removing him from the problem and giving him something quiet that he likes doing is a very good idea(wish I had thought of it when ds(nt) was friendless as all the boys were playing football which he hates)

piprabbit Mon 13-Jul-09 11:50:35

Don't beat yourself up. It sounds like you are very aware of your son's needs and difficulties. It sounds like the idea of keeping well away from the playground rough and tumble at the moment will help your son feel happier. The fact the teacher is also happy with this approach is great. Having a mum and a teacher who care about his happiness, and are taking positive steps to help, is fantastic support for any child (regardless of AS etc.). Take each day, each situation, one at a time - deal with them with the care and creativity which you've already shown re: playground and you will be doing fine. You are doing everything you can while you wait for that diagnosis.

troutpout Mon 13-Jul-09 11:53:35

Totally agree with 2shoes. I would have no qualms about requesting the same thing for dd who is nt.
Do they have any playground 'buddy' scheme at the school or 'phys kids' perhaps (a scheme where older kids run activities every playtime for the younger kids). Most schools have some sort of drop in playtime scheme going on in one part of the playground so that the children always have something/someone/somewhere safe to go and play if things get a bit much.
This way...he wouldn't be isolated and would still be socialising.

TotalChaos Mon 13-Jul-09 11:53:57

It sounds like it was a productive discussion, you are doing your best for your kid, often noone understands the nuances of our kids' behaviours and difficulties like we do! well done. I agree with 2shoes - that even without the potential sn/dx issues, it's a reasonable request.

debs40 Mon 13-Jul-09 12:02:29

Thanks! That is a good way of looking at it.

Sometimes, when I am trying to explain these things or answer questions like 'why can't he just go and tell a teacher if someone hits him', I feel like I'm trying to put labels on him. But I suppose I do this because I become more convinced every day that his problems are surfacing

I think it's a good point to say we understand the nuances of our kids' behaviour best. I see him with his brother and so I have a chance to witness interaction with children and I see a naivete there which worries me.

Thanks alot guys for being so reassuring.

Hsl500 Mon 13-Jul-09 12:25:42

Hiya my 7 yr old lost it school the other week, teacher blamed him only, he clams up wouldn't talk
When got home asked him to write it down and turned out he was being bullied, I told school if he gets angry/ upset again not to put him in the class full, but give him some time out, or place out the way with some paper and 9 out of 10 times he will write what's up,
He does not have asd but has three brothers who do so often feels the brunt of it
Parents evening they told me can not teach my 11 yr old and he's been placed in whoevers class will till leaves in July, fuming as he was in nursery yesterday but nothing I can do he's a struggle ,
Hsl

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