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FLK? More like f*cking stupid GP!

(96 Posts)
Merlot Wed 18-May-05 21:36:09

I had such a shocking experience with my GP today that I am making a formal complaint. I know some of you who read my Insensitive GP thread here will say `you should have done this earlier', but no excuses....I just didn't feel robust enough to complain 6 months ago. Well I'm bl**dy well robust enough now and he's not getting off the hook .

Please see the letter of complaint I have written below - it is long - I warn you! It speaks for itself! It is sitting by the front door waiting to be delivered by hand tomorrow, but if there is anything anyone can suggest that I add or take out, please feel free - the better the letter the more chance I feel of making my point. So here goes....
Dear Madam


I had a consultation with Dr X this morning, regarding my son ds2, and I would like to complain, in the strongest terms possible, about the nature of that consultation.

My son ds2 has developmental delay – he is 20 months old, but with very little expressive or receptive language skills.

Dr X asked me why I had brought ds2 along to the surgery – I explained that I felt he was in pain of some sorts (he had had a couple of fretful nights), and that I suspected he had an ear infection, but that it was very difficult to know, because of ds2's communication problems.

• Dr X said that he could see that Matthew was developmentally delayed from the `Team Around The Child’ letters in ds2's notes. He said it in a very dismissive, sarcastic and undermining way – he gave the impression that the TATC was a complete waste of time and a very grandiose title for what it actually is. I was shocked at Dr X lack of regard for what I perceive to be a useful service and told him that, actually, I feel that the TATC is a very good idea. He seemed to show no understanding for the difficulties that are faced by parents of children with complex special needs.

• Once Dr X had established that ds2 did in fact have an ear infection (in both ears) – I expressed my surprise at the extent of the infection and said that whilst I felt that he was on the verge of an ear infection, I hadn’t realized quite how raging it was. I couldn’t believe my ears when Dr X mumbled something along the lines of `well, its probably a case of no/little brain, no pain.’ At this stage I was completely stunned. He spoke to me like a medical student not the loving mother of a very special little chap. He was completely callous.

• Dr X then went on to ask me what the experts felt was the cause of ds2's delay. I replied, that no-one really knows at this stage, but that all the relevant tests are being done and that ds2 has a paternal aunt who has learning difficulties so perhaps there might be some genetic connection. At that point Dr X asked me whether I had ever heard of the term `FLK’ – a term that doctors used to use a fair bit, but which had fallen out of fashion. I said, that I don’t think I had. He went on to explain that `FLK’ means `Funny Looking Kid’ and was used when medics felt that something was not quite right, but was without diagnosis. He then went on to say that ds2 was obviously a `FLK’, but that he is still rather sweet and that with any luck he might turn out as well as his aunt! At that point he handed me my prescription for ds2.

On leaving Dr X consulting room I was upset, but was in a state of shock. The full extent of what Dr X had said to me didn’t hit me until I began to drive to the Pharmacy – I had to stop driving as I was very distressed. I decided to return to the surgery to lodge a complaint. Does this man have any understanding of what it might be like to discover that your child is not neurologically typical and how difficult it is to hold your life and the life of your family together – apparently not!

Life is difficult enough when you have a child that doesn’t fit the normal parameters, without your GP making matters worse. I didn’t receive any words of encouragement this morning – not that I was looking for any – but I left the surgery emotionally fragile. Without exaggeration, if Dr X had said these words to me seven/eight months ago when I was feeling very low indeed, these words might have sent me over the edge.

If I were to be generous to Dr X – I might describe him as having lack of insight or an atrocious bedside manner. However, this man has said thoughtless things to me before about Matthew, but I was generous with him then and I will not suffer repeatedly at the hands of this insensitive buffoon. I wonder whether Dr X has a ic streak – for search though I might, I cannot find any justification for his talking to me the way he did this morning.

I returned to the surgery, determined that I would let my feelings known about this man (NO-ONE should have to put up with such treatment. I do not want anyone to have to deal with such cruel insensitivity again).

I feel very sorry that Dr Y had to take time out from her busy schedule to have to comfort me and apologize that I had found the consultation distressing. What a complete waste of NHS resources!

Please make it known that I do not wish to be seen by Dr X again, nor will I have him treat my children again. He has strated qualities today that I find abhorrent in a GP – he is unfeeling and callous.

I have not had an opportunity to discuss this matter with my husband, so I cannot speak for him, but we may well want to take this complaint further when we have a chance to talk about it.

I look forward to hearing from you about what action you propose to take.

Yours sincerely


If you have got to the end of all that - thank you!!

I was a gibbering wreck this morning, but I feel so much better for having gone and complained and for having written this letter. We have since decided to also take the complaint higher.

Lou33 - Is your local surgery at Milford? and is your health visitor B (she is a real sweetie) and if by swapping surgeries I would also get access to her, it would be worth it alone

hunkermunker Wed 18-May-05 21:40:53

Merlot, I am appalled

I think you are definitely doing the right thing with your letter and taking the complaint further.

Two things with the letter that I noticed from a read-through - first what is an "ic streak" and secondly you say he has "strated qualities"?

Blossomhill Wed 18-May-05 21:43:32

I am so, so, so and very, very on your behalf Merlot. I cannot believe what I have just read, I am so stunned it's untrue.
What a f*ing ar$hle. I am so pleased you have complained and I really hope he gets slaughtered for it.
Some people really shouldn't do the jobs they do.
Big hugs to you Merlot, what a horrible thing to happen. Love Blossomhill xxxxxxxxxx

bee3 Wed 18-May-05 21:43:33

Merlot, I am so very and on your behalf. Can't add anything else, just to say I think it is a very clear, articulate letter that fully explains your anger and outrage, and I hope the response will show that the surgery are taking the complaint very seriously indeed.

Davros Wed 18-May-05 21:43:37

Bloody hell Merlot!
A few comments if you don't mind:
- I'm not sure I would say that he treated you like a medical student as it isn't clear what you mean in this day and age unless you mean Sir Lancelot Spratt talking to Simon Sparrow! Maybe another turn of phrase, but I'm not sure what.
- I would definitely mention the word "respect" somewhere in there, whether its that you showed him respect and got none back or simply that he was very disrespectful. It is a word that seems to ring bells!
- can you find any way to mention the "D word", "discrimination"? They HATE that and it sends them running
- what is an "ic streak"? I don't know what that means, maybe it is in full in the letter.

HTH, well done and poor you!

Merlot Wed 18-May-05 21:44:23

Thanks hunkermunker

Actually its the bliming cybersitter software that has played around with the spelling - it doesn't like s@distic (because of s@dist) and it doesn't like dem0nstrated (because of dem0n)

But thanks so much for reading it - it is a bit like war and peace isn't it?

Davros Wed 18-May-05 21:46:06

No, its war war war!!

starshaker Wed 18-May-05 21:46:46

i would have hit him............ hard

marthamoo Wed 18-May-05 21:46:57

Merlot I remember your previous post about this man. I am just stunned. This man should not be practicing medicine. Honestly, I don't have the words...

Letter (which is what you asked about): just a couple of typos - ic (icy?) streak?, strated instead of demonstrated. I'd also take out your brackets at "DO NOT..."

I would skip the bit about not having spoken to your dh, and finsih with "I look forward to hearing from you about what action you propose to take at which point my husband and I will decide if we wish to take the matter further."

Those are just my initial thoughts - maybe others can come up with more.

Merlot, I am so sorry you had to experience this.

aloha Wed 18-May-05 21:49:04

OMG. Honestly half way through your post I was gasping in horror and had my hand over my mouth. I am absolutely shocked and horrified. What a dreadful, DREADFUL man. I cannot believe what he said to you and to Matthew. He deserves to be struck off. Complain to the GMC. I cannot fully express how horrified I am on your behalf.

Pages Wed 18-May-05 21:50:25

Merlot, I am so utterly shocked by what I have just read, I am at a loss for words, but furious on your behalf. I have had some very direct and far from sensitive professionals deal with my DS but NOTHING on this level. (How old is this horrible man out of interest?)

Your letter seems great to me - I am sure that whoever reads it will be as shocked as you were. I am quite certain you can't be the only person he has spoken to in this way, so it is possible there have been other complaints to support yours.

What an awful thing for you to have had to go through - I am so sorry to hear about this. I feel like cuddling your lovely little boy and punching that so called doctor in the face.

Merlot Wed 18-May-05 21:50:30

Thanks Davros Very useful comments, will go away and tinker with it.

Thanks everyone else for your moral support

Can't tell you how good it made me feel going back in and doing something about it (unfortunately was a sobbing wreck), but never again am I going to take stuff like that on the chin and go home and brood about it.

The GP I spoke to was very sympathetic and quite clearly he has upset loads of other people before, because she urged me to put it in writing and also said that she was very sorry she could not give me her personal view on this, because it would be unethical at this moment in time. Lovely lady

Blu Wed 18-May-05 21:52:51

Merlot, how very, very distressing. You must be churning about it all. I hope that your letter makes him sit up sharp, and also helps you get it out of your system. Try not to toss and turn all night after such a horrible upset.

marthamoo Wed 18-May-05 21:53:25

The other GP at the practice will realise what a bloody liability this person is. The more complaints he receives the more likely he is to be put out to pasture (shame he can't be shot at dawn).

aloha Wed 18-May-05 21:53:54

Who is the complaint to? I would make this a complaint to your local health authority and to the GMC. Outrageous.
Also agree with taking out the bit about your husband (it sounds a bit weak and old-fashioned, which you aren't!) and also the bit about the medical student (just confusing).

I agree that you should make the point about discrimination - he demonstrated a clear prejudice against people with special needs and could be said to be discrimatory, and I think you should also use the term 'abusive language' as he did use profoundly abusive language about your son.

hunkermunker Wed 18-May-05 21:54:02

Sounds like she rather cleverly gave you her personal viewpoint anyway

Sounds like your complaint will be well-received...

soapbox Wed 18-May-05 21:56:05

Merlot - I'm absolutely staggered by your letter - angry just doesn;t cover it does it!

I real am incredibly shocked and saddened for you and your DS that you were subjected to this vile man.

In terms of the letter I would definately pick up on Davros's comment about respect, but as well as stressing that it was lacking in your direction, I would be very clear that despite your childs difficulties you expect him to be treated respectfully. The doctor failed to do so by quite some margin today!

Merlot Wed 18-May-05 21:57:24

Thanks again everyone, will take everyone's amendments on board

Interestingly, the female GP that consoled me after the event also pointed out that I would be within my rights to complain to the GMC but that she was not suggesting it, just pointing out my rights - interesting huh?

Also, the receptionists were mortified and one whispered...this is not the first time (Merlot).

So hopefully my letter will have clout.. I will keep you posted.

Luckily for me, my parents had come over for the day and were at my house when I arrived back - my mum and dad had to be restrained from going and decking him one!!

chonky Wed 18-May-05 21:59:41

Merlot, I am utterly gobsmacked.

I'm really glad you're complaining. If no-one says anything the service is never going to improve. It's given me the necessary kick up the a$se to write to the practice manager of my old practice to explain why we moved.

Once you've complained, do look to change practices. I changed recently, as I felt there was far too much baggage with the previous surgery, lack of HV support, blah blah won't bore you with the details. Going to the new surgery is like a breath of fresh air, they show an interest in dd, they listen and there's a couple of great HVs too.

Merlot Wed 18-May-05 22:02:09

Aloha - great comments. LOL at the interpretation of me being beholden to my man......hadn't thought of it like that before...but totally agree, will change it pronto (although I think dh rather likes the idea of me deferring to him !)

Davros Wed 18-May-05 22:05:46

Its absolutely right not to let him get away with it but why it is always US who has to take the time, emotional resources and deal with something that shouldn't have ever happened?
I could go and stove HIS head in with a brick as I am too scaredy to do it to the local seagulles (not gone mad, see other thread about sleeping!).

aloha Wed 18-May-05 22:06:20

Send him my apologies

Socci Wed 18-May-05 22:12:07

Message withdrawn

monica2 Wed 18-May-05 22:13:04

I am absolutely disgraced by how you have been treated, but an amazed at how you have composed yourself to write such an excellent letter. Do you think it is worth mentioning the previous consultation (including date) so that he cannot use the ridiculous excuse of it being a one off/bad day for whatever reason?

Jimjams Wed 18-May-05 22:15:18

Good grief. Absolutely stunned.

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