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Upset, embarrassed, angry, confused

(11 Posts)
bunnyrabbit Sat 11-Jul-09 12:58:59

Sorry long post..

DS1 (ASD) nearly 6 - 1st term of stagecoach (1.5 hours on Sat of dance, drama and song) end of term show. DS1 decided he didn't want to wear clown makeup. So after much bribing he said he would. We get there and not only will he not wear the makeup, he wouldn't even go on the stage.

And then he did but stood there in the middle, with the kids lined up either side refusing to move. With his back to the audience. Even gave me his glasses cos he didn't want to see.

So I ask him if he wants to line up or leave the stage and he chooses to leave. So they start the show and the poor litle boy who DS1 is supposed to be doing 'his bit' with just stands there saying 'but I need DS1' and he was almost in tears. And I was almost in tears. And he just wouldn't join in. He didn't want to be a clown cos they're not cool apparantly. and in the room used for changing before hand he acted as if he couldn't even look at the children with the make up on. I am so upset for that little boys mummy and daddy. They must just hate us and DS1 for ruining it for them

Im trying so hard not to be angry with him. I've explained that he should have gone on stage as the little boy wanted him too and I think he understands but there's not a lot I can do about it now. He's been in shows before, at school and nursery, so I know it's not going on stage and perfoming that's the problem.

The worst thing is I have his report for the term and it's glowing. He seems to have real talent. Maybe that's why I'm so upset. Won't be on for the rest of the day but just had to get it off my chest.

I know it's not his fault as such. I'm just so disappointed as he always said if he didn't have to wear the makeup (and In the end I said he didn't) that he would go on stage.

And so there we were with Nanny and Grandad and us watching othrer shildren being gorgeous


improvingslowly Sat 11-Jul-09 15:33:17


HelensMelons Sat 11-Jul-09 16:53:38

Aww, sending you a hug bunnyrabbit.

Autism is unpredictable isn't it at times.

My DS2 (8, asd) has behaved similarly - really wanting to do something then at the last minute, point blank refusal. It's frustrating and disappointing. However, on a positive note, he has talent and can re-join in September when all back at school etc, perhaps, it was just too busy for him(?) or too noisy(?).

He's still your little star, even if you did feel like boxing his ears!!

Frasersmum123 Sat 11-Jul-09 16:53:51

Oh no BR, that sounds heartbreaking, and I understand what you mean about trying not to be cross, I do this with DS too.

How is your DS doing now? and how are you? It sounds like an awful situation but it seems like you handled it very well.

bunnyrabbit Mon 13-Jul-09 07:47:52

Thanks guys. Just needed to get it off my chest to people who would understand.

I know that NT children can be like this too, it's not even neccesarily the ASD that caused this, but I'm just so disappointed. It wasn't particularly noisey or crowded. All the other kiddies were fine, he just gradually got more and more 'silly' before hand, rubbing and then covering his eyes, nearly refusing to leave the classroom at all. He's a proper little show off normally.

He's fine. Water off a duck's back. I doubt he'll even think about it again unless I mention it.

We didn't have a brilliant week end with him to be honest. Not doing as told (in fact doing the opposite), not listening, tantrems, stamping feet, that 'look' (you know the Clint Eastward one) arguing with everything. Very wearing weekend all in all.


debs40 Mon 13-Jul-09 08:16:31

BR - is it end of term and all the change do you think? I know DS has been all over the place this last week. They have been doing less structured work in class and having more free time and he finds the change hard!

Having an end of term play just might have been too much but it is exactly the sort of thing DS would do.

They had a music festival at school which was an evening event week before last. All the children were up at the front singing gorgeously and DS flatly refused to do it. Teachers didn't force it but it made me feel sad to watch everyone else with him on my knee and people asking 'why isn't he singing?' or worse asking him and getting grunted at back!

It is gutting isn't it? But all you can do is encourage and support in what they want to do. You handled it brilliantly

bunnyrabbit Mon 13-Jul-09 08:39:26

Thnaks Debs. I suppose it could be but I'm note sure he really understands the concept of end of term, but maybe things are changing.

Not sure I did handle it that well really. I bribed him to wear makeup by promising him something. Then I tried everything I could think of to get him on stage. Don't think I was very fair on him to be honest. Probably confused the hell out of him.

The thing is, because I work full-time. he doesn't do any other clubs. He can't as I don't get back in time for anything in the evenings. So I suppose we'll carry on with it and if he deides he just wants to go every week and not do the shows then at least he's getting good social communication experience.


magso Mon 13-Jul-09 09:49:11

Hi BR- shows and concerts often leave me feeling sad too- even at ds sn school where most of the children struggle with such big occasions. Ds used to go to an inclusive acting club that did a little show at the end of each term. Although happy to dresss up in the unwatched dress rehearsal ( or at home) he regularly found it too much on the day. I guess it is fun in one situation and too much in another. He enjoyed the sessions - but go into over senitive mode for the show. I used to sneak in and watch the dress rehearsal through a window- as long as ds did not spot me all was well. Sounds like letting him continue if he enjoys it, is a good decision.

bunnyrabbit Tue 14-Jul-09 09:26:48

That's a great idea. Next time I'll arrive early the week before the show and hide behind the door!!

5inthebed Tue 14-Jul-09 09:37:13

You poor thing. I would have been gutted as well.

Did your DS need to see you before the performance? I only ask as my DS2 apparently loves assembly at school, but every time I go to it and he sees me, he kicks up a fuss, wants to sit by me and screams when anyone sings. A total different boy when I'm not there apparently hmm Maybe next time you could leave him with the stage staff to get ready?

bunnyrabbit Tue 14-Jul-09 10:33:27

That's also a good idea. Thank you!!

Unfortunately this time he insisted I come in as he was going to let me put makeup on him. Which of course he didn't let me do anyway. And then he wouldn't let me leave. Of course, if I'd realised he wasn't going to go on stage then I wouldn't have pandered to him, but we live and learn...

It's all a learning curve for both of us!

Thank you all. Your advice and experience is very much appreciated.

Can't believe I am still upset and have yet to explain to Grandma (who's on hols) that he didn't make it to the stage.



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