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Ds ASD. Have to talk or I am going to implode.

(10 Posts)
sunfleurs Thu 09-Jul-09 10:16:07

Nothing new. Just ds struggling at school. Have started going in to help out when he he is really having a bad day. On Tuesday I was with him and he had a huge meltdown and shouted at me in front of his class and teachers telling me he wanted "a new Mummy", told his teacher to "send Mummy away and get me a new one", "tell her to leave forever". I know he has autism and I do not take it personally but it was just awful. I started crying and had to leave the room for few minutes to compose myself. He melts down at home but it never gets to that point here as he obviously feels safer here. He was so sorry afterwards. Also worried now that school will think I am not coping.

I don't know what I am doing anymore. Just feel as though I am floundering around and nothing I am doing for him is working or helping him. He hates school and is stressed every single day. Is it right to keep forcing him into an environment that is making him so unhappy? Every day I drop him off and walk away feeling like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am crying all the time over silly little things. I can hardly even be bothered to MN anymore shock. Think I could be depressed but too scared to go to doctors in case they think I am not coping. I am, I have too but I just feel crap all the time.

Thanks for reading, just needed to get it out. I thought getting his diagnosis would make things easier but it hasn't really worked like that. So much more to think about now.

ChopsTheDuck Thu 09-Jul-09 10:23:18

Sending you big hugs and a cup of tea. Can't really offer any advice, but I'm sure the school don't think you aren't coping, it sounds like you are being brilliantly supportive of him going into the school for him. I do wonder if they should be doing more?

debs40 Thu 09-Jul-09 10:31:02

You poor thing! I think you sound like you are a great mum and the school will see that so don't you worry. You will have got nothing but sympathy from them. Anyone who is a mum knows how hard it can be (even when everything is 'normal'!) and how easy it is to be reduced to tears at times. If that is not coping, then none of us cope!

What support is in place for your son? Are the school doing all they can? is it worth talking things through with his teacher if he is getting particularly stressed. It is the end of term and my son has been really worked up with all the changes (trips/sports day) and relaxation in structure etc. Could that be making things worse?

Do you have a GP you trust? It would be a very silly and unprofessional GP who jumps to the conclusion you are not coping. You sound like you need a safe space to talk honestly and counselling might provide that time just for you to get this all out and help you find a way through. Why not book into see the most sympathetic GP in your practice and just say you would like a referral for counselling to help you deal with your son's problems.

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable and sensible thing to do

Keep on posting though!!!!!

sunfleurs Thu 09-Jul-09 10:37:27

The school are great actually, bending over backwards to get him the help he needs and get him a statement but he doesn't like the temp 1:1 they have working with him at the moment so this is all adding up. I feel like every moment he is at school I am on high alert, waiting for a phone call, in a constant state of stress.

Thanks for the hugs etc. I really need them at the moment. I have been so miserable and down about everything I have not even wanted to come on MN, which is astounding for me.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 09-Jul-09 14:55:07


(((((((((((((sunfleurs)))))))))))). You are doing very well despite tough circumstances.

Have you had confirmation that the school have applied for a Statement for your DS?. If not, I would suggest you make the request yourself asap. You have far more power than school does!. You can appeal if the LEA say not, the school cannot do this.

IPSEA are very good at the whole minefield that is the statementing process:-

mum2fredandpudding Thu 09-Jul-09 15:23:21

and breathe...

you sould like you are doing onderfully sunfleurs. i think e all have our moments of being unable to hold back the tears, and i honestly don't think that anyone (lest of all the teachers at school who look after ds every day and realise how hard it must be for you) would think many worse of you.

i often find that i have periods where i really flounder, that my ds does something which renders me motionless - i dont know what ot do or say or act. It throws me back to zero and all my worries and hurt comes back. And i second guess myself and get down becuase i feel like im not doing a good job. And that Im not coping.* but these times even out and a few days later perhaps, i have a run of activity and im so proud of myself and wha i am doing and the small steps ds is making. Im sure all mums must go through this... even more us SN mums. We were dealt a difficult card the likes of which it must be hard to understand from the outside, but i think that such a card actually makes us far more ferocious and amazing mothers. It really pushes us to be the best we can. It is ok to feel a bit lost, it's impossible to hold it together all the time and Im sure that you are doing everything absolutely right for your ds - love is still the most important thing you can give him.

it will be ok. dont be hard on yourself.

*and sometimes probably wasn't coping. and that is perfectly fine too.

sunfleurs Thu 09-Jul-09 18:51:54

I went to parents evening tonight and his teacher told me that they had seen real improvement especially in his socialising and where he had been having 3 melt downs a day he was now probably only having a couple a week. I was like this shock and then like this grin. I think it is easy to get so involved that you can't see the woods for the trees. It was very, very good to hear.

Attila the school have definitely applied, I had to do a report as well to go with it and I got a call from my caseworker this morning to confirm that the panel was meeting today and I would hear in a weeks time. If we are turned down, will I be able to appeal even though it was done through the school? I am just keeping everything crossed that we get it. His teachers all seem very positive.

sunfleurs Thu 09-Jul-09 19:10:30

Thank you for kind posts as well. I felt about as low as I could feel this morning but between these posts and parents evening I am feeling loads better.

"It really pushes us to be the best we can. It is ok to feel a bit lost, it's impossible to hold it together all the time and Im sure that you are doing everything absolutely right for your ds - love is still the most important thing you can give him." So true. I think the stress of always, always needing to go the extra mile can tell after a while and perhaps result in our mini-meltdowns.

WetAugust Thu 09-Jul-09 22:45:42

Hi Sunfleurs
Yes you can appeal if the LEA decides not to assess even though it was school that requested the Statement. School however cannot appeal - it must be the parent that does this.

Best wishes

vjg13 Thu 09-Jul-09 23:06:02

mum2fredandpudding, you describe very well how I feel at times.

Sunfleurs, brilliant that you are feeling better.

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