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Ranty vent-fed up of making all of the decisions!

(4 Posts)
wrinklytum Tue 07-Jul-09 22:58:47

I am so frustrated at times.DP has a lt chronic illness that means he yoyos in and out of hospital endlessly.He is doped up on opiates and doesn't know what day it is half the time and relies on me to make all of the decisions.Added to this I have had to deal with all dds stuff,the portage,the mobility the salt the ot,the statementing,mainly alone.My family live away but bless them help when they can tho my mum is not in good health.My inlaws are nearby but have a head in sand attitude to both dp and dd conditions and rarely offer help,they are old though so guess I can't blame them.I have just started back at work and we are lucky to get some ss support but I am so weary of being the one doing it all at times.The kids,the bills,the food the mortgage,the tax credits,the washing cooking cleaning ironing,ds homework,thelunchboxes,the school trips,the endless appointments,the bsl,dp medication, the driving lessons,the trips out,arranging the childcare...it goes on.I work nights and the past couple of weeks dd has been waking at 5 am and I am tired.I have been snappy with ds (nt) and god bless him he has enough to cope with seeing his dad poorly and often playing second fiddle to his dad and sisters needs.If I try to get and early night I cannot sleep.I just feel ground down atm and need to vent on here to let it all out.

anonandlikeit Tue 07-Jul-09 23:13:22

Poor you, o wonder you feel knackered.
I ended up making myself ill & had to explain to dh that I felt like I had 3 kids in the house.
DH has had his own health issues, BUT in the end something just has to give.
Honestly, if you don't look after yourself you will not be able to look after your dc & your dh. I'm sure you know all this already.

I have had to make dh be more responsible, is there any more that your dh can do, even if it is just helping your ds with homework.
Is he capable really of making the lunchboxes (i know I obviously don't know your dh's condition) I know I had to be harsh with my dh & tell him how I wasn't coping & he needed to do a little more.

I still do all ds2's appt's, the bills, working, ds1's taxi, the shopping,(although do more online now) & most things BUT dh does do more & every little helps!
Is not working an option for you, you simply can't do it all.
Have you tried any relaxation techniques before you go to bed, I'm not surprised you can't sleep with all that lot going around in your head, you need to be able to dump it before you get in to bed.

Can you get any overnight respite for dd?

Sorry for the waffle, just feel for you & trying to think of anything.
Tak care x

wrinklytum Tue 07-Jul-09 23:22:52

Thanks anon.

I have to work else mortgage not paid and no house.

Re helping.If on a good day may be able to do lunchboxes but often takes him a good hour or so to get going in the morning.Added to this he has got somewhat in "sick role",and panics when not in normal routine.If pushed will listen to ds read and do homework though often needs me to do it too as forgets train of thought at times.Has been a bit of a bugger as have only just gone back to work and he has rung me 2 x with anxiety attacks which has been a bit stressy.I get dcs to bed a s they usually slep well except dd recent early waking,then I go to work..O/N care a non statre as ss cannot sanction this and would be v costly and not worth me working tho we have a care am after I have been on nights for 6 hours which is great.

I think maybe I need to try some relaxation stuff.

Thanks for replying x

anonandlikeit Tue 07-Jul-09 23:38:41

Wrinkly, you sound like me last yr, I ended up taking 3 months off sick through exhaustion, I really have had to make some changes to amke sure things don't get that bad again.
DH's health has improved now but he had a sreies of ops, that meant he was always either recoverign from one or ill, waiting for the next... He also i think got in to Lazy bastard mode.
It took me being completely burnt out to realise that he just HAD to help whenever hae was able.
Can you change routines to get him to do lunchboxes in the evening.
Not sure how much help this is because i know for me it was the mental strain of having to think & amke decisions for all of us that really exhausted me.

Please if you feel so exhausted don't amke yourself ill, go & talk to your GP, have you had a carers assessment recently, can it be reviewed to offer you some more support.

If all else fails there is always the Gin Bottle, Oh & its late... go to bed grin

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