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getting family to understand AS

(9 Posts)
catkinq Sun 05-Jul-09 10:22:04

dd appears to have AS (ed psyc says she has "needs consistant with a dyagnisis of" and has told us to go to doctor to get dx). However we cannot seem to get our families to understand that she is not just being rude, being fussy (re food), being lazy (re organisation) etc. We've tried explaining that AS means that she does not pick up on normal social cues, needs to learn everythign etc but theri argument is that "all babies are born rune and everyone needs to learn, why can't she?". We have AS in the family but apparently that child has inadequate parents as well . Any suggestions as to how we can explain the difference between the way in which a child with AS need to learn not to be rude and teh way in which a NT does? (We have similar issues with food - apparently we should just stave her as it is our fault that she is "fussy".) TIA.

bubblagirl Sun 05-Jul-09 15:08:04

well firstly im sorry for your families lack of understanding all you can really do is print off some information and leave it with them but they sound old skool blaming everything on the parents and then accusing you of all behaviour being blamed on sn

some people will not listen and do not want to understand unfortunately this seems to be the case with the other person within your family you can only give information to them to try and make them understand

but from the sounds of things they may not and you may have to just get used to they will never give you the support needed

is there any sn groups near you maybe take members of family with you so the people there can explain and they can see other families etc they also offer training maybe it would be worth looking into

sorry your going through this never worry about ranting on here this has been my best support my family have been fab pil took a bit longer but were not so ignorant about sn just didnt want to believe ds had ASD there now very supportive asking how things are going etc

Yurtgirl Sun 05-Jul-09 15:15:06

For my mum the dawning realisation that ds did in fact have aspergers and that it can be quite challenging to deal with happened on a day out with him

They live 200 miles away and dont see us all that often, they took him and his sister out for the day without me, came back at 5pm and said:

"Gosh he does talk a lot doesnt he"
"He doesnt always do as he is told does he"
"He doesnt seem to care about other people"
"he isnt very confident around ladders and heights is he"
"Why wont he wear his coat when it is cold?"

That combined with info from the NAS seemed to do the trick

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 05-Jul-09 15:48:59

God I'm afraid your family sounds like they are being very ignorant. I feel very angry on your behalf! I think provide them all with a short, concise article on autism and ask them to read it. After that, if they still carry on blaming the parents, then they are just plain unhelpful or unwilling to face the truth (ie cowards). In which case, I would dump them as you have enough on your plates for now. Perhaps some of those in the family who are unwilling to face the truth are suffering from the rigid thinking of the aspergers traits in the family - tell them that their inability to face change may mean that they themsleves have some of the inherited traits of autism - that will set the cat amongst the pigeons! Actually, that last one is a very bad idea and I shouldn't be so childish, but they have annoyed me as do all ignorant people who refuse to educate themselves and stick to stupid beliefs!

123andaway Sun 05-Jul-09 17:32:36

I found this really useful for my family when DS1 was DX'd. Its a bit american but well written.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Sun 05-Jul-09 17:58:31

It can be ahrd to get famillies to see the diagnosis- they love our children the same way that we do (sometimes) yet don't always see the challenges.

My own experience leads me to beleive that a hard line with them is whats wanted- if they make comments just reply with 'A team of highly trained professionals stated that he has AS, and a typial sign of that is the behaviour you just witnessed'. Show them a copy of the Triad, give them the address of the NAS (website if they have a PC), shove them towards the ASD section of the library

Then leave them to it, and accept no more crap. Your child needs not to be undermined and they do have to accept it. Same as we all do.

Ditto comments bout your aprenting- just answer with a stock 'there is no known link between clinically diagnosed autistic spectrum disorders and parenting'.

Sooner otr later it will sink in (usually)

lingle Sun 05-Jul-09 19:57:13

"Perhaps some of those in the family who are unwilling to face the truth are suffering from the rigid thinking of the aspergers traits in the family"

Yes I have been thinking that recently in all seriousness. I mean we have lots of ASd boys on here with dads who are suspiciously ASD-ish themselves, and then the dads get upset about the ASD issue....

But I think this is another reason to work with the dads not condemn them.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Sun 05-Jul-09 20:02:09

the as seems to run through the female line here, at least until my Grandad.

Absolutely you can often spot it in your family (though not always), and even my Mum has come 'out' as it were (no need, bloody obvious LOL- I say that as another who has ID'd it in herself,at least to a large extent)

lingle Sun 05-Jul-09 20:44:48

ah yes I failed to confess that it's me not DH who's "that way inclined" in our family.
I'm a neurological quirkfest, the latest manifestation being a hair-trigger connection between brain and tear-duct, resulting in me welling up when hearing stories that I find only slightly funny/only slightly sad with all sorts of resulting confusion on the part of the storyteller.....and there I was thinking it was just boring old eye problems......

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