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I'm sorry I just need to vent

(12 Posts)
hereidrawtheline Tue 30-Jun-09 08:31:10

The last week+ with DS has been so horrendous. He has changed so much where for a while he seemed NT 80% of the time now he does about 10% of the time the rest of the time we are deep in the throes of his agony. It just seems neverending.

Every 2 mins he runs into something and hurts himself and wails like he's being murdered. He is speaking in sounds, or as characters "DS cat wants Mama cat" or when he uses his huge vocab it is because he is angry "Do not speak to me like that Mama" when btw I havent said anything unreasonable. He is just wailing all the time.

He was barking really loudly this morning and I said dont bark so loudly, its too early in the morning (i.e. neighbours) and he continued on. I said it again. He continued on. I said it louder and firmer and he went mental "Dont shout at me dont talk to me like that" etc. Then I have to get him dressed to go to school and he begins hitting me in the face, poking my glasses. So I say a sharp NO and he starts screaming not to talk to him like that. Then he does it again and I stop his hand and gently push it back and he screams "dont break my puppy paw" Then I go in the next room to get away from him for a few mins and he is wailing and I ignore it.

A min later and he is wailing "nooooooooooooo my puppy nose is not good" so I go in to wipe his nose and he is coming towards me, I say in a lovely tone, "its ok DS come here I'll wipe your nose" as I turn him about by touching his shoulder and he starts screaming again about DONT PUSH ME AROUND.

It is like that fucking hell it is like that almost all day. Dotted throughout he says he loves me and I am beautiful and starts licking me but in the meantime it is one trauma after another. This isnt even the worst of the examples just what has happened in the last 30 mins. I have to go get him to school now but I wanted to take the opportunity to vent he went in his room and turned his disco ball on so I wanted to let him calm down.

littlemisschatalot Tue 30-Jun-09 08:36:40

how old is he?

bubblagirl Tue 30-Jun-09 08:58:51

rant away its horrible when they change for no reason is it the heat is school becoming frustrating for him etc there's always a trigger to ds behaviour how is he sleeping?

what do you do when he does these things do you time him out and make him say sorry? i find i need to be very consistent with this behaviour with ds and he has stopped now but it wa shard work and was continuous to start with in one day id be in and out timing him out was in tears felt pointless but it worked and he learnt

i know it may not work for your ds but he sounds more high functioning as my ds and alot of behaviour is learnt behaviour so need to be taught again its not right

regardless i offer you a lot of sympathy as have been there but also give you alight at end of tunnel i hope as ds is not like this at all now calm and placid if he does get like it there's always a trigger tiredness normally

if im correct you use melatonin well its there to induce tiredness try for few nights to get him to bed earlier see how his behaviour is my ds calmed hugely with sleep and our ds do sound similar maybe this would help also my ds sensory issues lessoned to near non existent now couldn't even whisper he'd say stop shouting id touch him stop pushing he really couldn't handle the world

early nights and you wouldn't think i had the same child he is able to handle so much
more just try you might be surprised if it doesn't work you haven't lost anything but i was amazed at the change in ds early night he now does and can pass for nt child no more strops no more than nt child he can handle noise again , no more hitting, his funny and more like his old self and was all sleep related

bubblagirl Tue 30-Jun-09 09:00:16

pick a time 8 pm give melatonin and in no time he will be sleepy you dont need to wait until his tired thats what melatonin does it brings on tiredness

bubblagirl Tue 30-Jun-09 09:01:27

if you dont have melatonin and he doesnt sleep beg paediatrician sorry but i find it hard to remember who has what lol

magso Tue 30-Jun-09 09:08:42

Hi HIDTL, you have had a hard week! We have bad patches too (different now as ds is 9)
It does sound like your ds likes to be in control ( like mine at that age). He sounds as if sensory issues (loud voices, touch) could be difficult for him too. Is it more comfortable to hold his hand ( or arm) firmly perhaps? I used to bear hug ds if he was in a hitting kicking frenzy as it calmed him and protected me.
It is not acceptable to hit you ( and it makes you feel awful too). Is there anything he does not like that could help him learn not to hit his mummy? Would he be upset if you show distress ( rub hurt) or would this provide incentive?
I used to just leave ds and 'send him to coventry' ie no eye contact, no smile, no words ( after the initial 'no hitting') go off and do something else and ignore ds. Ds did not like being ignored so eventually it worked. If he hit when we were doing something he liked ( the park, duck pond) he got one warning 'we will go home if you hit/throw stones again' and then if he did - straight into buggy and home! As he got older there was no warning.

Getting dressed was difficult as ds really could not do it himself and there was not always time to backoff and try later! Would 'do you want my help or can you do it yourself' work ( praising each item from a safe distance). Does anything calm or desensitise him for dressing (eg a cuddle session before)

hereidrawtheline Tue 30-Jun-09 09:33:25

magso, exactly he cant dress himself at all and even dressing him is a huge chore as he actively works against you. But when I have to get him to preschool and he IS going I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face if I let him stay home, I have to make him get dressed.

bubblagirl I dont have melatonin yet I want to beg the pead for it but I havent even been told when I am seeing her and I dont know if I should send another email asking or not. I dont even know if it will be in months or what. No idea. And that is pissing me off tbh!

DS does need to be in control and his sensory issues are horrible but you literally cant touch him anywhere when he is in a hypersensitive mood, he is just so defensive he will howl and scream almost before you have touched him. I know loads of this is learned behaviour but I can not get him to change.

Yesterday or soemthing he was repeatedly barking really really loudly and we remind him ALL the time not to bark or shout too loud inside, early in the morning, late at night whatever. The amount of times I have said the stupid sentece "no barking at the dinner table" I mean for months and months we have been coaching him on how loud is too loud. And we have not had one single bit of improvement. NOT ONE. And I just feel like he isnt learning at all. He learns games, words etc but he is not learning how to behave in a non offensive way. I just dont know why.

He is 3 in a few weeks.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Tue 30-Jun-09 09:40:01

<,hugs>. herei

YOu know not only could it be the heat but usually they can react badly to en dof term tiredness, esp.when little and at preschool. In fact all kids do, but chilren with SN often display it more IYSWIM.

So you may find it disappears in about 5 weeks (3 until end of ter, 2 weeka adjustment to holidays).

But you are very stressed (understandably) atm so could it be he'spicking up onnthat or you are expewriencing heightened reactions because of that?

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Tue 30-Jun-09 09:41:41

Oh something to try when in sensory overlaod- get a big duvet and wrap him in it (called sausage roll technique) tightly- tightly is often the key with asd kids. After ten minutes grab the freee end and lift so he rolls out of it- a popular technique

hereidrawtheline Tue 30-Jun-09 09:54:32

I know I get more stressed in this heat. He hates the fan being on because he has a major wind phobia and he has carried this on to fans saying they might blow him away. But I am making him let us have one on when it is too hot but not pointing at him.

magso Tue 30-Jun-09 10:12:40

You have my sympathy! (hands iced tea and a cool hug).
(Hope I did not sound patronising - I so wanted some help and advise when ds was small - and remember vividly the stress searching for solutions)

hereidrawtheline Tue 30-Jun-09 10:16:04

oh god you dont sound patronising!! I was vehemently agreeing with you! So you like iced tea do you?

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