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WIll I always feel like Ive missed out...

(7 Posts)
summitstar Mon 29-Jun-09 18:43:40

....if I dont go on to have another child and experience some of the things I havent been able to- my only son is severely disabled

Obviously dont expect answers but need to talk about it dont really have anyone in RL i can talk to or relate to about it. smile

summitstar Mon 29-Jun-09 18:49:39

i need to add that I do love my son more than anything but cant help these feelings!!

vicky275 Mon 29-Jun-09 18:56:41

my son is my third child i have two daughters but i always wanted more.
After all the troubles with my son I can bear the thought of another child just in case i would hate to have another child like my son even though i really love him

lou031205 Mon 29-Jun-09 18:57:47

I don't know about missed out, exactly, but it is different. My eldest daughter is classed as disabled, but in the scheme of things, although she gets High Rate Care for DLA, she isn't severely disabled in that she can walk, can talk, can eat and is toilet trained.

But having DD2 20 months later (and, now, DD3 also) I can see how different things are for her/them.

DD2 just intuitively picks up behaviours, actions, words etc., despite only being 22 months old. In some ways she is more advanced than DD1 (3.6) already. I am having to prepare myself that DD2 is going to outstrip DD1 very soon. DD1 has 1:1 at preschool, and learns everything in quite a rigid way.

However, when I see DD2 wiggling to music in a way that DD1 can not, or seeing DD2 effortlessly walking on tiptoe, when DD1 can fall over her own feet walking across the lounge, it actually strengthens my love for DD1.

DD1 is just starting to name squiggles on paper. Nothing is recognisable, but it was so funny when she said she would draw an 'elephant', and after 1 long squiggle, said "Uhoh, oh dear, bit like dog..."

I don't know if this is at all helpful. I suppose what I am saying is that you might find that if you have another, in a strange way you will not only experience all the 'NT' things of an NT child, which people might say you are missing out on, but you might find that you experience a whole new side of the love you have for your current DS.

mummysaurus Mon 29-Jun-09 19:16:39

i have a dd of 8 months who seems so far to be nt. i got pregnant when ds had just turned 2 and we were still v much in the denial stage of his sn (he has gdd).

Glad in a way as if I had known i'd have wondered a lot about whether it was fair on either ds to have to share my attention or on the new baby.

Now I'm glad to have my dd but I must admit she does get a bit ignored as ds is so demanding engrossing grin

Like lou i also find it interesting to see the differences - just seeing my dd drink so competently from a beaker by herself is so amazing as it took ds so long and he still sometimes puts the beaker in his mouth the wrong way round lol.

Is there any reaon why you wont have another child?

summitstar Mon 29-Jun-09 19:23:49

i think it hit home more at the weekend when I had a friends dd in the car in ds car seat ( as he was at his dads) she is only 6 months older than ds but she was chatting away,just not used to that. DS is 3.6- doesnt talk and unlike ever too. Its silly little things like that really that make me think about the future.

Vicky- i often think about what if I was to have another and they were to have difficulties even though I know the risk is sosmall.

Lou- you make a valid point and it is something I hadnt considered.

unfortunatly ds's dad and I split a year ago so maybe the option wont even arise!!!! I just think far too much.

troutpout Mon 29-Jun-09 19:31:41

i agree with Lou. I don't think those 'missed out' feelings go away. I still missed out on the nt boy that my sn boy was going to be. He never came...i got an different boy altogether.
However...i apreciate his sn difficulties more ...because dd (nt) just seems to float through life so easily (i never realised they could just do things so easily!) I also recognise his quirky qualities more. His uniqueness.
It's hard to explain...i guess having dd has let me relax more about him somehow.

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