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speech delayed child bullied at nursery - where do i stand??

(2 Posts)
zebramummy Thu 25-Jun-09 19:49:41

hi, some of you may remember me from a couple of other threads re my ds who has been speech delayed though is catching up although he is not yet age appropriate. i really need to vent some frustration re his nursery (state-run, london, around 45 kids). i live close to the nursery and have always said that if i am needed i am effectively 'on call' in the case of an emergency. today, when i went to collect him at hometime, there was an eerie silence and i was taken aside by one of the teachers.
apparently, ds was pushed backwards onto a concrete step at full force by another boy. ds had done nothing at all, he had just been standing there (ds never does anyway he is quite shy and gentle and has only started coming out of his shell given his previous speech issues. they also admitted that it was a "really big push...really hard ...he fell straight down on his back" and that he was really really upset and that the only reason they were telling me was because he might be miserable when he got home.
i think they preempted this given that 'something' had clearly been upsetting him the previous day but he could not articulate quite what (so just talked about " people pushing" and "bit of a bump") and i had specifically asked if they knew anything. i now think it may have been part of the same problem.
i asked them who did it but they said that they would not tell me the name of the boy - i find this really frustrating as it is almost tantamount to 'punishing' the parent of a speech delayed child - they know that ds cannot yet do the "today x did y' kind of thing so i cannot otherwise know. i would have liked to talk to the boy's parent to try and understand more but of course in such a large class, it is honestly a stab in the dark as to who did it.

i guess i was wondering whether they are allowed to withhold this info given that they dont appear to have such a confidentiality policy set in stone and are fully aware of his additional need and the fact that they are the only 'mouthpiece' i have to rely on for precise clarification (of course ds talks around these things but is vague). is there anyone else i could appeal to regarding this?
apparently, this boy has hurt other kids at the nursery before (though not so seriously apparently). i just feel that he could have cracked someone's head open and whether that is what it would take to suspend him (he is nearly 5 so older than ds by nearly a year. from their tone they sounded defensive of their policies and protective of the bully more so than sympathetic towards my ds. besides i know they like to sort things out themselves but they are completely aware from previous exchanges that i would have wanted to know sooner than that.
i just feel completely disillusioned and demoralised by their attitude and i am reluctant to leave ds in their care again even though there appears to be no way out given that he has already been allocated a place at their school for next year (to the exclusion of all other schools).
i am also posting in education as i realise that this post touches other issues too

RaggedRobin Thu 25-Jun-09 20:48:05

i think any nursery would have the same policy and that it is probably the best policy to have, otherwise parents would always be trying to take matters into their own hands.

the other pupil may have difficulties themselves that you are not aware of, so it is probably best for the nursery to decide how to deal with the issue.

it may be more beneficial to ask what the nursery's bullying policy is, or to ask about supervision to try to pre-empt further incidents.

it is awful to think of your child being hurt, but i think that the nursery has this policy for good reason. if you have other concerns about the way the nursery is dealing with the problem, i would focus on those.

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