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Don't know what I want from you but...This is my boy - any opinions?

(24 Posts)
Backtoblue Thu 25-Jun-09 13:43:26

I'm feeling really down today....I feel as if my hope has been worn down & I need to admit that ds is going to have some sort of problems.

He's 15weeks and....
Little eye contact -often looks straight through me. Doesn't smile when he sees anyone. Can smile but they are fleeting and he needs loads of prompts.
Soemtimes makes lovely eye contact and actually looks like he knows me - it hurts how rare this is.

When I reintroduced gluten in my diet (am BFing) he reverted to less social interaction than before. Sat on bouncy chair eyes cast down and didn't make any sounds

Doesn't play much or grasp toys

No giggles, laughing - can make noises though. Sometimes will "talk" to me

Barely stays awake longer than one hour than cries for bed.

Sleeps up to 18 hours per day.

Doesn't attempt to roll

I'm feeling really sh*t. I've stopped mumsnetting recently because I can't read my ante natal thread any more as ds doesn't compare with all those happy babies on there. So I'm here but I know you can't tell me what I'm looking for! No-ome can. I know something is wrong and it is feeling like a lead weight.

We've already been to paed at 9 appt next week & I feel the Dr will be shocked at the lack of development.

Backtoblue Thu 25-Jun-09 13:46:26

So sad all other mums on my thread are enjoying their children interacting & giggling together.

ds2 pays little/no attention to ds1

WorkInProgress Thu 25-Jun-09 13:58:37

Hi - I have no experience or expertise but just wanted to reply to your message as you sound so down. I'm sure someone with wisdom will come along in a minute. 15 weeks is very young so I wouldn't worry too much yet, just see what the doctors say. I remember crying at our NCT meet up when they were 6 weeks old, all the others were smiling and interacting, but not my DS. But he got there in the end..

modrin Thu 25-Jun-09 13:59:56

dont know what to say but just wanted to let you know i read this i am so sorry you are going through this someone wiser and more informed will be along in a minute

Backtoblue Thu 25-Jun-09 14:01:47

Thanks for replying x

vjg13 Thu 25-Jun-09 14:08:21

He is VERY young, all the charts of development are just guides so try not to get too fixed on them and all babies are very different.

I'm not trying to say don't worry it's nothing because it's important to trust your instincts but you have a paediatrician appointment so try to get as many answers and reasurances then as you can. It's hard, but try not to compare with other babies even the same age because they do develop at different rates.

Do you feel down yourself or unsupported in being a new mum?

cyberseraphim Thu 25-Jun-09 14:11:14

I know milestones are important and I'm not suggesting that you can stop worrying but it's going to be difficult to know whether there is a problem until a later age when and if those milestones are missed. I am sure smiling is important, both of my DS's smiled at that age and still do. One has a problem and the other doe not.

cyberseraphim Thu 25-Jun-09 14:12:17

that last bit did not make sense - I think I meant that smiling alone is not much of a guide

Backtoblue Thu 25-Jun-09 14:19:57

vjg - I feel that I'd be struggling a bit with the usual issues of new baby but generally coping well if ds2 was developing and giving me feedback.

I feel that I've even spoilt what I had before as I can't give my ds1 the time I used to and we can't go out as much AND I'm unhappy so not the mummy I used to be.

Thanks cyber for replying. Smiles are important aren't they? For lots of reasons. It's almost sad now when he does smile becuase his little face is transformed & it's like a light in his eyes that isn't normally there.

vjg13 Thu 25-Jun-09 14:35:02

Backtoblue, how old is your DS1?

Do your think it may be possible with your younger son that your concerns and worries are affecting his behaviour because you are stressed? Please don't be offended by me saying that.

Backtoblue Thu 25-Jun-09 14:38:43

My ds1 is 2.7 vjg

The Doc thought it was my mood affecting ds2 at first appt. I would love that to be the reason! It is possible.....But it sort of feels like I was doing very well; felt strong & postive but ds2 deteriorated and my mood has plummeted.

Backtoblue Thu 25-Jun-09 14:42:53

And not offended at all!

vjg13 Thu 25-Jun-09 15:01:08

I think it sounds really tough with a toddler and a new baby. I have a 5 year age gap and found that hard too.

Does your older son go to pre school or nursery? Don't feel bad about not going out and about as much as you did before because your family has changed and so has your routine, he will be fine.

I hope the appointment goes well next week. Do other family members have any concerns about your baby?

flyingmum Thu 25-Jun-09 17:26:07

I think you sound a bit depressed back to blue. Your baby IS smiling. Just because he's not fulfilling some sort of cornflake advert cow & Gate giggling stereotype doesn't mean there is necessarily anything wrong. My first son smiled at 6 weeks, cried a lot but slept all night, giggled, held things, shook things, played with stuff and rolled at 4 months and didn't stop bloody rolling. He's the one with complex learning difficulties. Number 2 son just slept and ate. In fact I remember thinking like you that perhaps there was something wrong because he was just sooo good. He just slept. It was a bit boring to be honest. He woke up eventually but was just a more placid baby. He has no learning difficulties.
15 weeks is still very very young to be be worrying yourself sensless. If he seems floppy then I would start dashing about to GPs and things but otherwise I would Give it time and enjoy both your kids. One thing I would say from having DS1 is that the more stimulation you can give the better so lots of outside walks, moving objects, lots of language. If you feel that you are really down in the dumps and this could be clinical then please get help.

All the best.

TotalChaos Thu 25-Jun-09 17:42:07

I honestly don't know whether you are seeing problems because you are anxious, or whether you are anxious because your mother's instinct is leading you to see genuine problems. I don't necessarily think the dr will be shocked or worried - but I am glad you are seeing a paed so soon, to talk about your concerns. best wishes for the appointment next week. out of interest, can I ask why you took gluten out of your diet initially?

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Thu 25-Jun-09 17:57:51


we chatted on the GF thread ]smile

Has your ds had his eyes tested by a Paed specialist? ds1 was picked up at this age as having severely reduced vision, and Ir eckon some of the traits were more that than anything else.

Backtoblue Fri 26-Jun-09 09:33:22

Oh thanks for your answers - even someone talking to me on here has cheered me up! I do have people in RL but can voice my real feelings more honestly here.

I am depressed no doubt but it's a chicken & egg it me reacting to ds or ds reacting to me?

flying - your post is very helpful to put some perspective back on the situation for me. Yes, he does smile & sometimes "chats" to us. He does sometimes reach for a toy. His eye contact varies a lot. Your advice about stimulating him rings true as actually I do VERY little with him outside of the house. He sleeps so much & I find it too hard going out with 2.

As for "floppy" I HAVE worried he is a bit floppy but I don't know what "normal" would be. He doesn't seem to change muscle tone whe n I pick him up.

With ds1 I took him to massge, swimming, baby group , sing & sign & went out for hours every day with the pram.

totalchaos -thanks! I gave up gluten becuase it was picked up that ds2 wasn't interacting at 8weeks. So I went mad googling & panicked about autism so I gave up gluten.

Hi again peachy - we will definitely ask for eye test on Tuesday

Not feeling as bad today so far. Thanks everyone smile

mumslife Fri 26-Jun-09 14:05:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumblelion Fri 26-Jun-09 14:22:40

Really don't want to worry you as I am sure your baby boy is just fine, just taking a while to catch up but my third child was a bit different to my elder two. When she was born, her sister was nearly 9 and her brother was nearly 5. I noticed that she was not reaching her milestones when she should (first mentioned this to the doctor and health visitor in April 2002 when she was 6 months old). She was sleeping for about 18 hours a day (waking for 1 hour, feeding, and then sleeping) and the doctor and HV both said that she was a lazy baby and she would not reach her milestones becaue she was sleeping so much and not interacting as much as other babies the same age.

At 9 months old she failed all her development checks and was referred to the local hospital. They carried out lots of checks/tests, all non-conclusive, but I still felt something was not quite right.

It took us another 2 years to get a final diagnosis (genetic disorder, Sotos Syndrome - overgrowth, delayed development) - she was late walking, talking + all the other developmental milestones.

Now she is 7, goes to mainstream school, walks (happened at 18 months), talks (about 2.5 years old), out of nappies, dances, swims, everything any 7 year should be doing.

Getting the diagnosis (after all that time) was a bit daunting and upsetting (I have messages on this web site about delayed develpment, sotos syndrome, etc.) but now I can say she is the most happy, contented, task-obtaining child I know. Her memory is fantastic, her social skills are brilliant (very out-going and sociable). When I first read about Sotos Syndrome I was very upset because some children don't walk, don't talk, don't get out of nappies, etc. and she has done all of that.

The way I describe her to people (she is now 7, looks about 9/10, still acts about 5/6) is that she is on the bus behind every other child - her bus is running a little bit late. I don't care if her bus is late (walking, talking, etc.) as long as that bus arrives (walking, talking etc.). Her bus may not make it to the end of the route (although no 'bus' has broken down yet before reaching that skill) but as long as her bus (for bus read development skill) gets as far as it possibly can, then that is all I can ask for.

At about 18 months of age, my DD was referred to portage (home learning) where a therapist came into the home for 1 hour each week and taught my DD skills and gave me pointers to help her development but it always seemed that whatever skill we had to work on for that set period of time, within one week my DD had mastered it and the portage worker had to think of another new skill for my DD to learn. We were under ENT, audiology, eye hospital + countless others that I now can't remember but the help and support I got through portage (not only from the worker but also by her referring me to other specialists) has helped my DD become the little lady she is now.

She attended a nursery from 18 months (when I had to go back to work and my mum (child carer) was poorly and started mainstream nursery at age 4 in mainstream school with a statement (still in place). She is still a little bit tall for our family genetics but not overly tall (luckily, neither her dad or I am that all) and doesn't look any different or act any different to any other child in her class/year.

I am probably going to get slated for giving my side of the story and not giving positive vibes but I can only go by my own experience and I would not have my youngest DD any other way.

Her dad (my husband) left me when she was 11 weeks old (although he didn't move out of the family home until she was 9 months old) but she has not stopped me leading my life in any way - I now work full-time (4 days in the office, 1 day at home), we go on holiday, go on day trips, do everything that any family (whether that family be 2+2 or (in my case) 3 + 1) would normally do.

mumslife Fri 26-Jun-09 17:39:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Backtoblue Fri 26-Jun-09 18:27:08

mumslife Thanks so much for your advice it means a lot to me & I know that you are speaking sense. Even if he has a problem I will not know what or what it means to him & us for ages yet. I am wasting masses of time and energy worrying about everything whilst knowing nothing.
Thank you for your words x

bumblelion - thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I am glad that your daughter has a great quality of life. Best wishes to you & your family!

rmls09 Fri 26-Jun-09 22:43:20

Hiya Backtoblue... I haven't really got any advice as such...just wanted to send you a <<hug>> really.

Backtoblue Sat 27-Jun-09 19:34:31

Thank you rmls09 - hugs are much appreciated!!

laumiere Sat 27-Jun-09 20:37:04

OP, it may not be autism. My DS had all of the issues you describe and actually had hypotonia and cerebral palsy. We got him diagnosed at 19 mo and now at 3 you wouldn't know there was a problem except he refuses to speak. Go to your GP, talk about your concerns and ask to be referred to a paediatrician. Either way, you'll set your mind at rest.

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