Sorry for very long rambling post, but have been having issues for a while.
I am struggling with dd1.
really struggling.
it has been a hard year for her - we moved house, so that she could attend a SN school, and so she lost a lot of her structure (toddler groups, preschool obviously, even church/local playground etc)
we haven't been able to go to any groups locally because of her behaviour since we moved - it was ok when she was having an off day before we moved, as the people there had known her since she was a baby, and knew she couldn't help it when she kicked off. But I haven't been able to face new groups, having to explain dd1's issues, and apologise for her behaviour when she inevitbaly had a tantrum and (accidentally) hurt one of the other children. so we are thrown together a lt more than we used to be.
when we moved we also lost our ABA tutor, and we have struggled to find any replacemnts, even though we are now actually in an easier area to find people, supposedly.
dd1 is not progessing at school - she really needs the one to one that ABA provides, and even the small class status of her SN school is not enough for her to cope. but she doesn't make a fuss about anyhting (not at school anyway) and so she is unlikely to recieve funding for a 1-to-1. and we cannot pursue an ABA placement as we can't find any tutors to help us get stuff on paper to prove her elarning is much increased using ABA. As an example of htis - she knew all her letters and numbers last year, but cannot remember them now, as nothing has been done this year to work on this (and won't co-operate when I try to do anyhting with her, as dd2 gets involved so dd1 just walks away), as she doesn't respond at all at school and so they think the work is above her.
she won't let me help her - she never has. she is incredibly controlling of me, and my movements, and always has been. she is curently stuck in a wonderful rut of trying to provoke a reaction, by whatever means. so she will ignore me when I ask her to do something, then will scream for that activity to happen (eg she will run upstairs to her room when asked ot put shoes on to go out, and then if I settle down to read a story with dd2 (not making an issue of her ignoring me, just ignoring it back, iyswim) she will come back down and be in fits over me not putting her shoes on, even though she won't let me put her shoes on. if i try to put them on, she goes back to running upstairs giggling)
however calm and detached I am, she will push and push until she gets a reaction. when I was dropping her off at school today, she turned into a horribly behaved brat, lots of jumping around and shouting loudly/being disruptive then screamed in my ear for a few minutes, pinched me, tore my t-shirt, and finally bit me before I reacted (during all this I was being bright and breezy, ignoring the bad behaviour and talking about stuff with her and dd2, holding hands etc to stop pinching as best I could, stood up so she couldn't scream into my ear - all non-confrontational avoidance stuff)
she is controlling to the point of not going to bed at the moment - I need to stay with her (we are withdrawing from her room slowly but successfully) so she is glued to my side form 7.30am to about 10pm.
she will ask to do somehting nicely (eg puzzles) and then when I get them out, completely fail to do them (all ones she can do successfully, but not bored with). if I put them away again, she has a meltdown. if I try to do something else with dd2 she has a meltdown. but she won't take part in the activity she chose to do. she is 5 in August, and so will legally have to be in school, but still no Statement in place (how hard can it be to Statement her - we have been in the process since December 2007, and still no sight of a Statement)
so, she won't play with me, she won't play without me. she likes singing, but if we start off, I cannot get anyhitng else done - she is hysterical if I even pause to take a breath (used to be like this when she was a baby) so I have to limit that, as dd2 needs talking to, and there is always the phone/door to answer too.
I am just so tired of being screamed at, whatever I do.
and I am tired of being the only one trying to help her. dh is no use - always working, and whatever I suggest he just says "good idea" but doesn't actually put any of it into practice himself - "oh, it's good for her to have flexibility with different people"he says when doing exactly what I have asked him not to do. I give up. he cannot even give me a date when we can go and talk to her school about her non-progress. or a time when he can look around other schools (where she is is a pre-school, so will need to move soon). I can't go on my own, as he wants to be involved, but he won't give me a date.time when suitable for him . he has just told me he will get his PA to send me some details. FFS, why can't he just do this one thing?!
I am feeling more and more often that I am not up to this job, and I don't know what to do about that. it really feels as though I am having to do all this on my own. actually I think doing it on my own would be easier because I wouldn't be permanently irritated with dh. I really feel like I should never have had children - am obviously not cut out to look after them adequately, and given the conversation I just had with dh, probably about to be single too.
If anyone has made it this far, thanks for reading, and sorry for the pathetic self-indulgent whinge.
Am off to keep dd1 company as she falls asleep, so won't be back unitl about 11pm.
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how do you all manage on a day to day basis - warning may be difficult reading and VERY long
25 replies
silverfrog · 24/06/2009 19:12
OP posts:
sarah293 ·
25/06/2009 08:39
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FioFio ·
25/06/2009 10:27
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