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Totally fed up with the ignorance we are encountering

(12 Posts)
siblingrivalry Wed 24-Jun-09 11:19:08


Please indulge me in a rant -I'm so p'd off at the moment. DD1 has AS and we took her out of school in January to Home Ed her. This was due to the completely appalling attitude of the school which resulted in dd wanting to kill herself. It's a loooong story.

Anyway, we didn't tell anyone apart from family and close friends what dd was going through and about her dx, because we only talk about it when it is relevant and to people we think need to know.

We live in a small village and recently I have heard all sorts of gossip about what is 'wrong' with dd. My friends have been questioned by mums at dd's old school and yesterday a close friend was questioned by an old biddy woman about what 'problems' dd has. Luckily, I have loyal friends who say all the right stuff in response, but I am livid that other people think that they have the right to know about our daughter.

It seems that if we don't tell them, they make their own minds up anyway.
When we take dd2 to preschool, in the grounds of her dd1's old school, I am aware of dd1 being looked at. I know this might sound like paranoia, but my friends have noticed it, too. I feel as though I don't want to take her there, because she is like some kind of attraction.sad On the other hand, I won't let them dictate to us what we do.

I feel as though I want to move away, but I know it won't solve anything; there will be a whole new group of ignorant people waiting wherever we go.
I have to say that many people are lovely, it's just a group of other mums who now ignore us, as if dd1 is contagious!

The horrible thread on the main board just reaffirmed my fears.
Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it all out, I think.

magso Wed 24-Jun-09 12:12:58

Oh I feel for You! ( hands cup of tea)
Small villages can be great when everyone understands how to help ( the easy every day physical stuff!), but absolutly awful when they don't! The lonely walk across the playground once the gossipmongers have got their ore in takes some courage.
Well done at keeping your dignity and cool! ( Sorry no helpful suggestions)

vjg13 Wed 24-Jun-09 12:23:36

It is crap that people are behaving like this, there is no need for them to know anything especially as she is no longer even at the school.

When my daughter was in reception at her first MS school some of the parents complained that she was holding the others back! They were 4! So I have some idea of how bad this kind of thing can be.

magso Wed 24-Jun-09 13:06:11

I wished I could move away too! You are right that it is ignorance that is the trouble. Someone I know got a CM neighbour to take her child to school to avoid the playground stares because it was so difficult for her (her dd was thankfully unaware). People are always nicer to a GP or CM.
I hope your DD will blossom for all to see! ((hugs))

siblingrivalry Wed 24-Jun-09 13:09:59

Thanks for responding -the cup of tea is much appreciated! It will go lovely with the bar of chocolate I am scoffing.grin

The great thing about this board is that everyone just 'gets' how others feel; there's no need for explanations. It has really helped me to know that (unfortunately) others know how it feels.

meltedmarsbars Wed 24-Jun-09 13:11:56

It's human nature to be inquisitive but hard to bear when you're on the receiving end. I do hope this gets sorted out for you - and hope you can stay in the village, in other ways I have found it so great to be in a small place.

Nat1H Wed 24-Jun-09 13:23:07

I must say, I am getting a bit fedup with being stared at as well! My son is physically disabled and the head teacher very kindly put a disabled parking space in the staff car park for us. Parents are not allowed to park in this car park, and their is a long drive down to it. This drive is also used as a route for children and parents to get to the school. I drive REALLY carefully down here, but I still get dirty looks and people walking purposely slowly in front of the car to block my way.
One of my friends said she overheard other parents speaking as we walked past with my son in his wheelchair,and they were complaining that there were too many special needs kids in the school.angry
Thank goodness I didn't hear them or they would have got chapter and verse about how lucky they should think themselves!!
You just have to bite the bullet and keep going - it is them with the problem, not you. Even so, it's emotionally draining some days sad

Coalman Wed 24-Jun-09 13:27:15

If one of my sons classmates had left their school and I still saw them round and about, I might wonder if they were ill, and if there was anything I could do to help the family. Could this be the reason for some of the questions being asked?

I can see why you are fed up, x

JonathonRipplesnipples Wed 24-Jun-09 13:36:01

oh horrible to have to run that gauntlet every day. The playground can feel a very lonely place can't it

Some people may be genuinely wondering if they can help.
<<wants to believe the best of people>>

vjg...god that is crap isn't it? When dd (nt) first started school there were parents of children in the class who made comments about a child with sn because they didn't see why their child should have to to share the teacher with her. (wtf hmm)
Lol..little knowing that i had an elder child with sn.
I errm explained to her that she was probably talking to the wrong person grin

siblingrivalry Wed 24-Jun-09 14:15:54

Some of the things that have happened to your dc make me angry, but sad because it no longer shocks or surprises me.

DD has been invited to a party on Saturday, by one of her former classmates. The little girl is lovely, as are her parents, yet I am hesitating because I know what it will be like. The invite says that parents are welcome to stay for refreshments and a chat -which means that probably at least 3 of the mums who I know have been speading rumours will be there.

I am torn between going and thinking 'stuff them' and turning the invitation down because I don't want dd to be the focus of attention and speculation.sad

Maybe we should go and tell them their dc will be okay as long as they keep at least 3 feet away from dd wink. Autism is catching, you know!grin

magso Wed 24-Jun-09 14:22:07

They may well be the mums who won't stay with luck grin!

siblingrivalry Wed 24-Jun-09 19:05:47

Especially if I sit dd next to their dc for the party gameswink
I have a reprieve tomorrow -dh is taking dd2 to pre-school.

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