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Sports Day horror - seeing DS with NT peers made me cry ...

(24 Posts)
MarmadukeScarlet Fri 19-Jun-09 13:47:41

Luckily I had sunglasses on and he didn't see.

I rarely see DS with NT DC around his own age, but today really upset me. I just wasn't prepared for how emotional it would be.

He has been held back a year, so is in last year of pre-school not Reception but even so the difference was shocking - I always kid myself that he is catching up, doing well etc but the reality is far different.

Also, today, he had his LSA that I do not feel is up to the job (and he hasn't bnded with) and she seemed completely unable to assess what level of support he needed for each task.

When I arrived it was the running race, he can run fast if not in a very straight line or balanced fashion - but he was wearing another TA's hat (very silly one) and being firmly held by the hand by LSA. She is a rather large older (50?) woman so he was running at her speed rather than his own faster pace, the others had finished before he was half way.

She then didn't support him at all during the team bending poles and he go half way (not actually going in and out) and froze.

I could go on, but it was all along a similar vein.

Perhaps I should just give up on M/S and go for the SN school option (as my LEA want me to, am going to Ed Tribunal to force through statement) whare at least my DS will be one of the most able instead of always the least. Oh god, you know I don't mean that horribly about the other SN children - am just finding it all so bloody hard atm./

daisysue2 Fri 19-Jun-09 14:19:50

I'm sure we all feel the same at Sports Days. You see your relatively able bodies child being led around the sports field by well meaning LSA and think they really don't know my child at all. One thing lots of Autisic children are good at is running away very fast as they do it so often in supermarkets and busy shopping centers. My daughter would have a great career in the SAS if it wasn't for the fact she wouldn't remember what her mission was.

Sports day is a great time for the LSAs to show what a great job they are doing and how caring they are. The best LSAs are the ones you just don't see but are there if your child needs them. Unfortunately they seem to think being a good LSA includes smothering your child and making them behave very well. I hate seeing my daughter holding hands and being led around. Or being told off for being naughty when she is only doing what the other children are doing but they don't have an adult next to them all the time. Drives me potty. My daughter hates having LSAs but has become dependent on them.

What I would say though is give mainstream a chance especially at infants it's great to see them mixing with NT children as that is how the outside world is and they need to learn to play with them. My daughter (9) can hold her own with anyone. On the other hand not to have to worry about getting the right support, learning, therapies etc is a great relief so I am actually looking forward to her going to SN for seniors. You have to be prepared for a fight, thick skinned and have a good sense of humor for MS. Also now you have experienced your first SD at least you are prepared for the rest.

MarmadukeScarlet Fri 19-Jun-09 14:27:31

LOL @ wouldn't remember what the mission was!

That cheered me up a bit.

I know it was a self pitying wallow, but I do feel better for it.

Apols for the double posting - damn slow computer!

Have just recruited a new LSA for Sept, she is sparky and very experienced so I hope this will be a better fit.

There is an unsuspected straw for every, seemingly, unbreakable camel's back and today was mine.

Thanks for your post.

Peachy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:28:54

In know what you mean- it was a Christmas concert with ds3, and actually yes that was when we made the final decision to try for SNU yet again, and actually got a place.

It is ahrd on that borderline: go with your gut but if you are thinking that you will want a aplce at Senior level, check that out with the SENCO, here there are so very few palces at Comp level that kids out of the Primary SNU system don't even get a look in (12 places for 80 feeder places I was told)

Peachy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:29:23

LOL at SAS BTW... DS1 would haev made a fab Berserker.

sarah293 Fri 19-Jun-09 14:41:37

Message withdrawn

MarmadukeScarlet Fri 19-Jun-09 14:46:50

Riven, I read your other thread after posting this and felt bad that I had been so self pitying.

BTW are you still coming to the Home Ed camp Nr The Hop Farm in the summer? Would you like to come for a coffee or something? I'm sure you will be way too busy, but if you will have a few minutes spare perhaps you would consider it?

Peachy, thanks for the tip re the senior schools. I accept that DS will probably only be in MS for primary, but hadn't considered place issues.

lou031205 Fri 19-Jun-09 14:48:04

You either laugh or cry, depending on how you feel on the day, I think.

On DD's obstacle course day I laughed - she dismantled the hoops as she went under them, took a pit stop for a drink part way round, wanted to go backwards on the balance blocks despite not being very good at going forwards, and played dead weight.

I did cry later though.

Peachy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:50:27

DS2 didn't even notice himself being called out for sports day and didn't take part hmm

He's supposed to be least affected PMSL!

DS3's in a few weeks,last year he actually won but only coz they let him cheat and carry the egg grin

sarah293 Fri 19-Jun-09 14:59:07

Message withdrawn

Peachy Fri 19-Jun-09 15:04:14

'Course the easiest way of nobbling is to get on the PTA committee so nobody can over ride your decisions

wink

me? never LOL

Widemouthfrog Fri 19-Jun-09 15:06:58

Big hugs Marmaduke
DS1 didn't do his races last year either. He was too busy rolling around the field wrapped in his TAs coat! No-one questioned it and he was allowed to stay where he was happy.
I must admit I felt quite sick seeing him in his peergroup looking so different - its just never so obvious when he is with his family.
I avoid seeing him in school where possible -I'm not burying my head in the sand, I see it as self preservation.

MarmadukeScarlet Fri 19-Jun-09 15:08:36

Damn, should have asked the new LSA how fast she could run at the interview grin

LOL at nobbling the opposition <ponders> perhaps I should just give DS a froot shoot and choc before the race so he is full of energy?

I look forward to meeting you, let me know when and where - you can come her if you would like it is alway chaos but will be ponies and a puppy to play with.

Lou, DS removed the obstacles which I suppose, technically, meant he won that race as no one else could take part.

MarmadukeScarlet Fri 19-Jun-09 15:13:52

PTA <shudder> at his school just a bunch of frustrated unfulfilled ex-lawyers with too much time on their hands.

WMF, I avoid seeing him with peers too. I have ceased contact with all aquaintances with similarly aged DC - I got fed up with the constant crowing (my DC can hop/jump/count to 20 in french). He has never even had a birthday party, I cannot cope with seeing the evidence writ large as it were. I have promised he can have one this summer. Just a bouncy castle and a play type one, may even do pony rides on DD's pony if I get enough helpers.

bullet123 Fri 19-Jun-09 15:31:46

It's Ds1's Sports Day today, but I won't know until later how he got on with it and even then not the full story. Ds2's playgroup had a mini sports day yesterday in the local park. He wanted absolutely nothing at all to do with any of it, but at 3 years old he wasn't the only one refusing to take part.

meltedmarsbars Fri 19-Jun-09 15:52:39

Strangely its the SN sch sports days I don't go to because I can't cope with the overwhelming amount of sn - my dd2 goes to split placement, sn/mainstream. I'm too cowardly.

I've got used to the "left behind " bit - my dd2 was never on a par with anyone! However a friend is lobbying the ms sch for a "bum-shuffling" race so that my dd2 can at least take part in something. They can't do a wh/ch race as nobody else has one - unless its opened to all the geriatrics in the village! This year will be the first years the sports day is on a day she's there.

Don't give up on the ms route if you feel its what would suit your child. We went for a 3day/2day split to get the best out of both.

I agree with Daisysue your skin definately does get thicker as time goes on, the hurts are a little less wounding. They still do hurt though.

Peachy Fri 19-Jun-09 16:02:41

I've no idea how ds3's sports day will run, first year in his placement; they do have a school atatched they share things with though so not sure how it will work TBH,either mixed or separate.

Frustrated Lawyers? PMSL. ours wasn't when I was in it but that pretty much sums it up now!

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 19-Jun-09 16:06:27

Hi Marmaduke

I feel for you
(((((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))))))

When my DS was in Y2 his class teacher no less ran alongside him. Didn't know whether to laugh or cry honestly. However, no-one passed comment.

Sports Day as an occasion has got better for us both over the years (my son actually enjoys taking part these days so I feel a bit happier) but I still find the whole exercise a chore. Think that is also because the world's most boring man by far is yet again commentating!.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 19-Jun-09 16:08:52

My PTA is seemingly full of failed PAs. They have not got enough smarts to be lawyers!.

TotalChaos Fri 19-Jun-09 18:06:10

sorry the sports day was a bit crappy, thankfully sports day got rained off twice for DS last year grin

LOL and wince at the unfulfilled lawyers in the PTA comment! though haven't quite dared to join the PTA yet...

pickyvic Fri 19-Jun-09 19:30:10

i remember this well....my sons first ever sports day and all the parents fell about laughing never mind the kids. i was devastated but luckily most of it went totally over his head (but sadly not mine)

somewhere down the line he just didnt do them. if your DS wants to do them then i think you might have to spell out exactly what he will need help with and what he wont.

(i often joke that i am the mother to frank spencer....imagine if you will, that kind of sports day!)
x

drlove8 Fri 19-Jun-09 21:59:12

it was my twins sports day at nursery today( its joined to a school). All the older school kids were there too and the little ones started their " races". DD3 ran off in the opposite direction .hmm then she started to tear up the grass... one blade at a time! was very very funny! grin( she cant communicate very well, but strangely started doing headstands against her cot/playpen at 1year old.)My big issue is how can she run at lightning speed there, but wont walk when we need to get somewhere quick????

MarmadukeScarlet Mon 22-Jun-09 10:19:19

TC you'll be chairman before you know it!

meltedmarsbars I think you should insist on the bumshuffling race, prhaps it should be 'furthest in a minute' rather than a set length. The only SN school my LEA will offer me is for S&CLD, which is not appropriate - DS did a split placement at nursery which is why I know whom his co-horts would be at the SN school.

drlove funny DS can also put on a speed burst when running away, but if we are late - forget about it!

Thanks to all that answered, I really appreciate the support.

sphil Mon 22-Jun-09 11:22:10

Oh God - sports day - you've just reminded me it's coming up. Last year DS1 (prob dyspraxic) chose to do the football dribbling race and came last by about five minutes because he very very carefully and very very slowly dribbled the ball up the field, keeping strictly between the lines, whereas the other kids just booted it over the finish line and ran! DS2 was allowed to start half way up and I was asked to stand at the finish line to encourage him (he has no idea about competition at all). He went like a bomb and I was just about to think he might win when everyone gave him a huge cheer and he stopped dead and put his hands over his ears. He was wearing ear defenders for spectating - I might ask if he can run in them this year grin,

I feel more for DS1 on these occasions really, as he gets very nervous and is aware that he is 'on show' for something he finds very hard sad. Up to now other kids have been nice - and he always gets a huge cheer from the adults - but I always grit everything when he's taking part!

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