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Now I am relaxed abotu everything I am starting to worry about the future

(24 Posts)
Blossomhill Thu 12-May-05 18:41:41

As hard as I try I can't see dd ever leading an independant life. When I mention this to my family they laugh and think I am being silly.
I just can't imagine her ever getting married, or going to work, having kids.
I know this may sound a bit self-indulgent and I'm sorry if it does.
The truth is that the future scares me. Especially when I think about when dh and I are longer around

misdee Thu 12-May-05 18:43:47

tbh the thought of my NT kids leaving home and living independantly doesnt seem possible to me.

Blossomhill Thu 12-May-05 18:46:25

True misdee. I feel the same about ds! He'll always be my baby
Dh always asks when I am going to remove ds's cotton wool vest

Donbean Thu 12-May-05 18:47:45

Its bound to.
I think about the future a bit but im so busy enjoying now that it is fleeting.
Ds has no special needs at all but things like drugs absolutely terify the pants off me. I really couldnt cope if he took that route in life.
As a mother, i think that it is natural to think of the future. Do you feel somewhat bereaved by this future and thoughts that your dd not going to be doing all those things?
(Im presuming that dd has sn)

SoBlue Thu 12-May-05 18:50:53

believe me it's like they never left! I have 2 older children and they are always on the phone hoping i can wave my magic wand and solve their problems. Just have to juggle them inbetween my ASD ds

Blossomhill Thu 12-May-05 18:52:43

Donbean - dd can do everything other children can but has a language disorder and does need extra help. I know deep down that she probably will do all of those things. I know she will get a job as she is extremely bright but right now I can't see it!!!

Blossomhill Thu 12-May-05 18:53:04

Soblue - that's nice to hear

SoBlue Thu 12-May-05 18:58:21

My elder son 18 has dyslexia and mild dyspraxia but does well in creative things like cooking, music and is in the process of joining the army. And he has been involved with a bit of smoking dope for self medicatation in the past but he's given up including smoking cigarettes

Blossomhill Thu 12-May-05 19:00:24

Wow Soblue it sounds as though ds is doing really well

Davros Thu 12-May-05 19:01:33

Bh, you worrier! Its hard not to think about those things but you can't do anything about it other than the best that you are already doing for her now. Sod the family, the worst for undermining imo!! Its easy to say, don't drive yourself mad, but easier said than done. Its prob just a phase and in a while you'll think about it now and then but mostly put it out of your mind for now. Have you had a coffee morning or a helpline phone call yet??? Dying to hear about both.

JakB Thu 12-May-05 19:02:35

Blossom, I don't even GO THERE ...
But my situation is different to yours. If DD got married I think they'd have to medicate me for the shock.
I can understand your concerns and I stop myself from thinking about the future because I would just lock myself in my bedroom and never come out. I CAN SEE your DD in the future from your very descriptive posts about her. I can see being a very unique young lady and making you very proud

SoBlue Thu 12-May-05 19:06:54

Yes at the moment blossomhill, never count your chickens... I know how you feel though as i worry more about my little one as i don't know the full extent of his disability yet. But my elder son has always had extra determination due to his disabilities and lots of cubs, clubs, adventure hols built his confidence

Blossomhill Thu 12-May-05 19:20:19

Davros you know me too well (me worry, never )
JakB - you've made me cry again. Thank you so much for your lovely comments xxx I just am so gutted I am not meeting you on Saturday, but there will be a time when we will meet!
SoBlue - you are right, time will tell!!!

mizmiz Thu 12-May-05 19:27:00

Blossomhill,this might make you laugh through your tears!
One of my friend's comes form a family of 4 children (all grown up).One of the girls has a learning disability. Her mother told me that the only one of them who hasn't returned home at some stage following a job loss/divorce/affair/money problems and so on is the daughter with a learning disability!!
She has a steady job,longterm boyfriend and lives independently.

When she discusses the rest of the family,she just rolls her eyes!

None of us know what will happen to any of us in the furure. Seize the day. Enjoy now,because tomorrow it will be gone.


SoBlue Thu 12-May-05 19:33:52

Yes i agree, my son always seems to make constant forward progress whereas my NT dd seems to take 2 steps forward and 3 back

Blossomhill Thu 12-May-05 19:34:05

Mizmiz -ah thanks for that story, inspirational xxx

anniebear Fri 13-May-05 07:28:16

Blossomhill , I think the same as you!

Can't ever see Ellie married with kids. My Family say "well you never know" But I am pretty sure about this.

Supose wehave all the worries that any Mum has, but having a SN child you then have another 100 worries on top of that.

I know we should take one day at a time and not look ahead...IMPOSSIBLE!!

Sorry not much help, you should know by now that I am a bit of a negative person! Like to think of it as realistic!!

But just wanted you to know that I fel the same as you!

Fio2 Fri 13-May-05 07:44:18

Oh blossomhill, families are awful Mine say dd is 'okay' ffs, she is sevrely disabiled the level of ignorance in my own family is amazing!

Blossomhil fwiw I have always given the impression your dd will go on to live independantly. i know you worry, we all do. Somehow I have accepted that my dd wont ever live independantly and that doesnt really make me sad anymore, makes me feel a bit selfish and self centered occasionally

Davros Fri 13-May-05 08:54:57

I am certain that DS will never be independent, never get married and have children etc. And our caring role isn't time limited, its for the rest of our lives. But having DD has made all the difference, not because she HAS to do those things to make me happy but because she COULD. As time goes on you do adjust, we all know that, and I've started to think about getting DS on a residential holiday if poss next year, the biggest problem being his challenging behaviour. I can't see any other way of me and DH ever getting a break unless we start to think about this sort of thing, we haven't had a break for YEARS Sorry BH, that's very ME, ME, ME!

Fio2 Fri 13-May-05 09:10:22

davros, i certainly know where you are coming from. I have just adjusted as time as gone along. The things I 'used' to worry about somehow seem insignificant now even though they arent really. But life goes on and you do just adapt. She is my daughter at the end of the day and I love her to pieces but it doesnt mean life is easy or ever will be. We have to compensate for the future and that is always in our thoughts whatever decisions we make. For instance my husband is going abroad for two weeks and we could have gone with him, but having dd makes that impossible. You cant get away from the fact that your life isnt normal even if it is normal as you know it iykwim

its all about ME ME ME too

Davros Fri 13-May-05 11:37:12

Meant to say BH, from what you say about your DD and with the support and understanding you are giving her, she sounds like she will do OK. My sister with AS has been married, had a child, has her own home and a job. However, she is truly terrible at all of it and its always on the verge of collapse, but she had little or no support or understanding and certainly wasn't "quirky" like your DD sounds.
I know its a cliche, but as long as your DD is happy that's what matters, and it sounds like she's got a great capacity for being happy.

SoBlue Fri 13-May-05 13:05:38

I like to think of my ds as what he is SPECIAL and god entrusted me with him because he thought i could do the best job. Although im not totally convinced his confidence wasn't slightly misplaced

RnB Fri 13-May-05 13:35:08

Message withdrawn

Blossomhill Fri 13-May-05 22:16:58

Thanks everyone. I still feel very scared about the future. The bottom line is that I know dd will never let me down and I will always be so proud of whatever she achieves and decides to do with her life. I also know that dh and I are there for her for as long as she needs us (well I hope we are, don't want to tempt fate)

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