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Today went so well, so why do I feel so down?

(21 Posts)
5inthebed Wed 17-Jun-09 18:16:38

DS2 had his end of year review today at his SN nursery. At this there was his SN teacher, the SN head, his SALT, his EP, his MS teacher and his MS TA. A whole lot of people basically. DH couldn't make it as work re being their typical twattish selves and wouldn't give him time off.

To begin with, I was told how happy they all are with his progress, he has come so far this past year and they are all impressed with him toilet training.

I was told that he is up before the review board tomorrow for his statement {gulp} and the general feeling of those in the room today was that he should go to MS school full time with 1-2-1 care. I was wanting him to do half SN and half MS and gradually go full time into MS. However they think that he wouldn't learn anything new from SN school and he would be better in ful time MS school.

Now, I am quite worried that he will lose all his help (salt, behaviour help etc) if he were to go to MS full time, but have been told that it will not be the case as will be all in his statement that he still needs it.

I just feel like I am the worst parent in the world. I think I need his SN school more than he does, as he has come on leaps and bounds since he started there, and I'm so fearful that he will regress if he doesn't have the help he has been getting from there, ifkwim.

Not doing a very good job explaining how I feel, not entirely sure how I feel myself, but I feel so crap. He got nothing but good comments from everyone, he is the most improved (if you would say that) in his class even though he is the youngest one (he is august baby) so he would be the same in Reception. Am I trying to hold him back just so I can feel he is getting what is best?

anonandlikeit Wed 17-Jun-09 19:12:33

I think your concerns are absolutely normal. Its a brave thing to change what is obviously working so well, but I suppose they must feel he can be stretched a little further at ms school.
What is your honest gut feeling? Do you think he will sope at f/t ms, if not keep him on his split placement for another year.

& you most def are NOT the worst parent in the world.

saintlydamemrsturnip Wed 17-Jun-09 19:27:40

It needs to be in his statement in part 2 and 3 or it is not worth the paper it is written on. I can almost guarantee it will go in part 5. Refuse to send him to mainstream unless it is in parts 2 and 3.

Also have you seen the special school above the nursery? I asked to visit a special school when ds1 was at your son's stage and was told I wasn't allowed to and that he had to go to mainstream because he was at a mainstream nursery. He lasted 4 terms, spent most of the time barely there because they couldn't cope and it was a total waste of everyones time. Of course this might not be the case for your son but be aware there is an agenda and they will push mainstream because it is cheaper (even will full time 1:1 which is what my son had). If you are happy with that that is fine. If you have reservations I would want more reassurance really and I would refuse point blank unless the support was in parts 2 and 3 of statement (when it becomes a legal requirement of the LEA to provide- part 5 no-one has to provide anything).

Peachy Wed 17-Jun-09 19:35:43

Like MrsT ds3 lasted 4 terms in MS. We also begged for SN school but wer refused.

The provisions needed most- for su SALT and OT- were only mentioned in section 5, they refused anything else.

I would say go with gut instince over where he should go. Any child can be stretched in an SNU like the one ds3 attends becuase the work is differentitated on a per child basis (possible in a school of 9 at infants level)

My own, over-generalising view is that in thremain ASD kids do better in an SNU, due to the smaller size classes adn expertt teaching methods. Kids with physical disabilties vary a bit more I think- you can moidify most mainstream disadvanatges if you put enough thought into it- but that's not really the casse with ASD.

Obv. there are exceptions and most kids on the hihjer spectrum end won't get a chance to find out if SNU would help.

Peachy Wed 17-Jun-09 19:36:50

Oh and I don't known if it's just here or nationwide (even then we're in Wales), but as from this year you cannot look at an SNU for your child until SNU is specified by panel; we were old system and that was bad enouhg (having to get LEApermission),it'seven more complex now.

Phoenix4725 Wed 17-Jun-09 19:43:56

yep Lea told me that here to could not look till provisonal statement sent .I just phoned them myself and made appoinment none of them minded

Peachy Wed 17-Jun-09 19:52:01

Yes i think the school direct is best

Friend has been banned though; they'remessing her about something awful. They forgot to take her case to panel several times (just 'oh yes sorry we forgot')- in that time the palcement at the nice close to them unit has gone. The only one they will offer now is Not Good, but they're refusing t fund transport for anywhere else.

5inthebed Wed 17-Jun-09 20:05:11

I know it's going to panel tomorrow, but I am to get the draft and to add my own part in section 4 before it is finalised. It is all so way above my head, and I can't keep track of it all.

I totally trust his EP and both SN and MS teachers. I don't feel like I'm being bullied into the decision of MS school, I feel like I am the one not willing to let go of what he has already accomplished by going to the SN school. His SN school is ASD specific, it is fantastic. I have seen the reception class as well, we visited it when we visited the nursery last year.

I have been told that if MS is not working, then we can go back to hal anf half, as he will still have a place at the SN school if needed.

I'm just so fearful that if he goes full time MS, then he will regress. The "professionals" think this will not be the case, but there is always that fear. I just don't want all the hard work to have been wasted, I can't go through the last year again, it has been so draining.

Widemouthfrog Wed 17-Jun-09 20:18:02

My DS is now in year 1 in MS with a full-time 1:1 and he is thriving. Our EP was willing to name an ASD resource base in his statement review this year, but we all agreed that mainstream was working well for him and he was valued by is teachers and peer group within school.

I think it all depends on the MS school and how flexible and proactive they are.

I can understand you fears, and only you can know your son and what will be right for him. I just want you to know that MS can be a positive experience for some.

5inthebed Wed 17-Jun-09 20:41:10

Well the 1-2-1 teacher he gets atm will be doing the 1-2-1 at reception with him as well. She is such a lovely woman, I know her outside of school. The school (although we had problems with them allowing him in) have been lovely and very positive, so I've nofears on that point of view.

He has friends at MS who approach him rather than the other way round iykwim.

daisysue2 Wed 17-Jun-09 20:59:41

When my dd transfered to large MS primary and I was anti it at first, so I know how badly you feel about letting go of the SN nursery. But it was the best thing that ever happened to DD. She thrived on being in a large buzzy environment and has come on socially so well. She loves it and enjoys the hustle and bustle of being somewhere so stimulating. I am looking at SN senior school now as there is no way she would cope with mainstream comp. I would say enjoy being in the mainstream most actually cope quite well if the necessary support is in place. Have fun being with different parents and children. But try and set up some king of support network at the school if you can before going. Any children you know there already, or ask to meet other sn parents before you start. Spend some time helping out in class, ie with reading or helping on trips, in the very early days just so you can see how DS is settling in and find out who friends are. Good luck and enjoy it, remember that most parents of NT children dread their first day in reception and find it extremely emotional letting go.

saintlydamemrsturnip Wed 17-Jun-09 22:01:49

it sounds as if it has all the ingredients to work well 5inthebed - be very insistent about part 2 and part 3 of the statement.

saintlydamemrsturnip Wed 17-Jun-09 22:03:08

sorry that sounded blunt _ was talking to dh as I typed! No really it does sound good, just don't let the LEA off the hook with the statement. Remember if something is in part 5 it is meaningless - you may as well be chucking pennies into a wishing well.

5inthebed Wed 17-Jun-09 22:06:21

That is very good advice MrsT. I shall be contacting this page once the report comes though and getting all your sound advice.

I am pleased on his progress, pleased that he is (possibly) going to MS school full time with his older brother, but I can't help feeling scared for him. He is going to be one of the youngest in his year and it does show in many ways.

saintlydamemrsturnip Wed 17-Jun-09 22:13:16

I suppose you have to try these things. You have been told he can move to part time special if he can't cope without the additional support so you have a really good opportunity to try without anything to lose. He may well fly!

5inthebed Wed 17-Jun-09 22:17:08

I hope so!

daisy5678 Thu 18-Jun-09 00:12:08

Hope it does go well!

Re: SALT and OT in parts 2 and 3: J's Statement specifies SALT and OT in parts 2 & 3 and 4 & 5, bizarrely. My LEA doesn't quibble the SALT inclusion in parts 2 and 3 as, especially in ASD, communication is now accepted to be fundamental educational provision, and case law pretty much backs that up. Behaviour help can also be written in.

J gets full time support, plus the school get funded liaiason hours, plus OT, plus SALT, plus behaviour team, plus autism outreach. Some services are more regular than others, but all are written into the Statement and you can ask for amendments to the Statement when needed. We're on the billionth draft (or it feels like it!).

If they are even talking about special school, they've kind of accepted in their heads that your son is an expensive (to them) child with what they call low incidence needs (I think) and so therefore they'll probably quibble less about the money for any provision needed in mainstream, as it will still be cheaper than a special school place.

I know that that's the only reason why the LEA will now give me pretty much whatever I ask for for J: the alternative would be an extremely expensive private special school for bright, violent children with high-functioning autism - so, by my reckoning, I'm saving them ££££££££££££££! And they know it!

Good luck with it all!

vjg13 Thu 18-Jun-09 07:56:26

Would you consider an independent EP report? Although this would be about £500 it may give you clarity on if mainstream will work well. IME LEAs will try the cheaper option first and only look at appropriate provsion when it fails.

Also please get the statement checked by IPSEA, SOS:SEN or a legal firm. Parent partnership are rubbish and ours are independent of LEA (in theory!).

lingle Thu 18-Jun-09 09:02:46

Would you consider attempting to defer his education for a year? LEAs don't like it but paediatricians love it.

5inthebed Thu 18-Jun-09 09:44:31

I asked if they could do this, and the general feeling was that it would not do him any good. In Reception at MS they mix the nursery and reception kids a lot, so DS2 will still be getting some of the nursery side.

I'm a bit worried about how he will manage with all the learning. Not so much in reception, but from Y1 upwards.

Its all trial and error really isn't it?

Will let you know how we get on anyway. Thanks for the support

5inthebed Thu 18-Jun-09 21:44:43

Today has been and gone, and I haven't received a phone call hmm

I just hope she calls me tomorrow.

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